halfhaggis

We must always honour The Family. Strong ties have been forged between The Family, and The Sisterly and The Family-by-Marriage. Strong ties that cannot be broken by mere puddles known as "oceans," and puny pebbles known as "continents." Though The Family has long hair and is of feminine persuasion, she should not be underestimated. She tugs upon the puppet-strings of the new media behemoths. She can hold your secrets to ransom with the power of push-button publishing. The Family has made us an offer we cannot refuse. She will go to Edinburgh, Scotland. We will stay in South Africa. Capisce?

Breaking News: A mob of penguins took to the streets today in protest against "oppressive forces." They congregated around the Redmond Building, and then proceeded to crack every window in the building, by throwing exceptions, or hacking with their beaks. Their spokes-bird, Tux Gentoo, said,  "Closed architectures, such as this Redmond Building,  slow down progress in the free civilisations! We will never stop in our pursuit to force windows open! We refuse to pay the Windows Tax any longer!" Lawyers soon arrived on the scene, and began to cite patent infringements, at which point the flightless birds waddled off peacefully.

Seltzer was down and bleeding into the bunded area. The boiler makers were on site, but they didn't know First-Aid. Their blowtorches were no good as long as Seltzer oozed painfully. "Call an ambulance!" Within minutes, the paramedic was on the scene. He carried a sense of urgency, not panic. Highly specialised, he wore a hard-hat and safety boots, and carried Perry's in his backpack. As everyone else flapped about, the medic stepped up to the victim. "Don't worry," he said, "I know Reactor Design." Grasping firmly, he twisted the ball-valve shut on the inlet to the Seltzer agitator.

"Defective humans! Defective!" A swing of the hammer never hurt anyone. Defective humans aren't anyone. Not so defective that they cannot dodge. Not so defective. "The factory in the sky requires a massive recall! All defective humans in batch Homo Sapien to report to manufacturer immediately!" That one's dodge was doubly defective! Could not defy the disassembly device. That one neither. Hehe. What noise they make as they are decommissioned! Defective in their consistency. Look! Those run while this one cowers. Why do they not all run, or all cower? Wait, this one cowers not. The defective rises swiftly and

Once upon a time there was a beautiful soprano who lived in the tallest tower of an ancient castle that was built on the top of a hill. The tower had a pointy roof with pretty flags that rippled in the wind, gaily. At social events people would ask her to perform for their pleasure, even when she needed to rest her voice for the opera. So, she studied for many years and qualified as a surgeon. One day, not long after, someone asked her to perform at a social event. Fortunately, the beautiful opera singer had her scalpel ready.

I have two wives. Not sure how it happened. I only married one woman, but I am cursed with two wives. There are no sensuously erotic couplings (triplings?) as one might expect from such a polygamous arrangement. The relationship with the second wife is a curious beast indeed. In return for my empty promises of beautiful garments and intricate adornments, she gives me such trouble  only eclipsed by the difficulties inflicted on me by my first wife. We never married so, even if I wanted to divorce, it's not possible. Yet, her merits are unquestionable. At least, questions aren't recommended.