halfhaggis

We must always honour The Family. Strong ties have been forged between The Family, and The Sisterly and The Family-by-Marriage. Strong ties that cannot be broken by mere puddles known as "oceans," and puny pebbles known as "continents." Though The Family has long hair and is of feminine persuasion, she should not be underestimated. She tugs upon the puppet-strings of the new media behemoths. She can hold your secrets to ransom with the power of push-button publishing. The Family has made us an offer we cannot refuse. She will go to Edinburgh, Scotland. We will stay in South Africa. Capisce?

Breaking News: A mob of penguins took to the streets today in protest against "oppressive forces." They congregated around the Redmond Building, and then proceeded to crack every window in the building, by throwing exceptions, or hacking with their beaks. Their spokes-bird, Tux Gentoo, said,  "Closed architectures, such as this Redmond Building,  slow down progress in the free civilisations! We will never stop in our pursuit to force windows open! We refuse to pay the Windows Tax any longer!" Lawyers soon arrived on the scene, and began to cite patent infringements, at which point the flightless birds waddled off peacefully.

Seltzer was down and bleeding into the bunded area. The boiler makers were on site, but they didn't know First-Aid. Their blowtorches were no good as long as Seltzer oozed painfully. "Call an ambulance!" Within minutes, the paramedic was on the scene. He carried a sense of urgency, not panic. Highly specialised, he wore a hard-hat and safety boots, and carried Perry's in his backpack. As everyone else flapped about, the medic stepped up to the victim. "Don't worry," he said, "I know Reactor Design." Grasping firmly, he twisted the ball-valve shut on the inlet to the Seltzer agitator.

"Defective humans! Defective!" A swing of the hammer never hurt anyone. Defective humans aren't anyone. Not so defective that they cannot dodge. Not so defective. "The factory in the sky requires a massive recall! All defective humans in batch Homo Sapien to report to manufacturer immediately!" That one's dodge was doubly defective! Could not defy the disassembly device. That one neither. Hehe. What noise they make as they are decommissioned! Defective in their consistency. Look! Those run while this one cowers. Why do they not all run, or all cower? Wait, this one cowers not. The defective rises swiftly and

Once upon a time there was a beautiful soprano who lived in the tallest tower of an ancient castle that was built on the top of a hill. The tower had a pointy roof with pretty flags that rippled in the wind, gaily. At social events people would ask her to perform for their pleasure, even when she needed to rest her voice for the opera. So, she studied for many years and qualified as a surgeon. One day, not long after, someone asked her to perform at a social event. Fortunately, the beautiful opera singer had her scalpel ready.

I have two wives. Not sure how it happened. I only married one woman, but I am cursed with two wives. There are no sensuously erotic couplings (triplings?) as one might expect from such a polygamous arrangement. The relationship with the second wife is a curious beast indeed. In return for my empty promises of beautiful garments and intricate adornments, she gives me such trouble  only eclipsed by the difficulties inflicted on me by my first wife. We never married so, even if I wanted to divorce, it's not possible. Yet, her merits are unquestionable. At least, questions aren't recommended.

There was once a place where nothing got done. The people who lived there wanted to do things, but didn't want to do them if other people who lived there didn't want to. The people didnt really mind what they did. They were happy to do whatever everyone else wanted to. Everyone else didnt mind what they did either, as long as it was what the people wanted to do. Then one day the Goddess of Decision appeared before them. She had flowing blonde locks. She knew what to do, and told them to do it. Afterwards, things got done.

Kermit the Muppet King was taken from the peaceful land of Muppetania by dark agents of the Brothers' Alliance. He objected to the poor treatment, so his captors fell upon him like foul demons, and cast his broken body onto the dust of the rose garden. The noble Muppetanians, amidst calls for insurgency, calmed themselves, and turned to diplomacy with the wicked Alliance. But the Alliance spat upon the parchment of the treaty, and did call the peaceful denizens of Muppetania by most profane names. The opportunity for peaceful measures is at an end. It will all end in tears. >--------------------------< Muppetania -- a nation ungratefu

All will come to know the name Neouw. Not quite my name, but close. As a small boy, he learned my name, but struggled with the L, so I was Neouw. I spent time with him. Moulding, crafting, sculpting his malleable mind. Soon he named other men, but their given names were discarded. He called them by the one true name -- Neouw. Thus, the first phase was complete. I began to lay the foundations of my plan for world domination, using him as the vessel to raise me to notoriety. Then he went to Canada, which kind of ruined everything.

You cannot trust shopping-carts. They're devious. They sit there innocuously. Yet they're plotting with the canned goods. Waiting. Waiting for a child to climb in and take a ride. "Rest your weary legs. Mummy will push..." They especially like it when little girls climb in, because girls scream much more. A girl climbed into the front of the cart, and Mummy pushed. While Mummy checked the top shelf for canned tomatoes, a can of beans sneakily jumped into the path of the cart. On impact, the little girl flew out head first. Screaming. Just the way the cart liked it.

We must always honour The Family. Strong ties have been forged between The Family, and The Sisterly and The Family-by-Marriage. Strong ties that cannot be broken by mere puddles known as "oceans," and puny pebbles known as "continents." Though The Family has long hair and is of feminine persuasion, she should not be underestimated. She tugs upon the puppet-strings of the new media behemoths. She can hold your secrets to ransom with the power of push-button publishing. The Family has made us an offer we cannot refuse. She will go to Edinburgh, Scotland. We will stay in South Africa. Capisce?

Breaking News: A mob of penguins took to the streets today in protest against "oppressive forces." They congregated around the Redmond Building, and then proceeded to crack every window in the building, by throwing exceptions, or hacking with their beaks. Their spokes-bird, Tux Gentoo, said,  "Closed architectures, such as this Redmond Building,  slow down progress in the free civilisations! We will never stop in our pursuit to force windows open! We refuse to pay the Windows Tax any longer!" Lawyers soon arrived on the scene, and began to cite patent infringements, at which point the flightless birds waddled off peacefully.

Seltzer was down and bleeding into the bunded area. The boiler makers were on site, but they didn't know First-Aid. Their blowtorches were no good as long as Seltzer oozed painfully. "Call an ambulance!" Within minutes, the paramedic was on the scene. He carried a sense of urgency, not panic. Highly specialised, he wore a hard-hat and safety boots, and carried Perry's in his backpack. As everyone else flapped about, the medic stepped up to the victim. "Don't worry," he said, "I know Reactor Design." Grasping firmly, he twisted the ball-valve shut on the inlet to the Seltzer agitator.

Thangor sprang from some rubble, and charged Gunthar. Thangor screamed a blood-curdling scream, raising his chainsword to strike. Gunthar prepared himself for the onslaught, heart beating rapidly. His long-range lasgun would be useless in close-quarters combat, so he drew his knife. Against a chainsword, his chances were poor, but he hoped fortune would favour him. Thangor stopped short, dug around in his pockets, and pulled out two dice. Gunthar pulled out one, because he only had one attack. They rolled and added modifiers. Thangor scored two hits. Sighing, Gunthar stood still, and took his beating like a 28mm model.

"Defective humans! Defective!" A swing of the hammer never hurt anyone. Defective humans aren't anyone. Not so defective that they cannot dodge. Not so defective. "The factory in the sky requires a massive recall! All defective humans in batch Homo Sapien to report to manufacturer immediately!" That one's dodge was doubly defective! Could not defy the disassembly device. That one neither. Hehe. What noise they make as they are decommissioned! Defective in their consistency. Look! Those run while this one cowers. Why do they not all run, or all cower? Wait, this one cowers not. The defective rises swiftly and

Once upon a time there was a beautiful soprano who lived in the tallest tower of an ancient castle that was built on the top of a hill. The tower had a pointy roof with pretty flags that rippled in the wind, gaily. At social events people would ask her to perform for their pleasure, even when she needed to rest her voice for the opera. So, she studied for many years and qualified as a surgeon. One day, not long after, someone asked her to perform at a social event. Fortunately, the beautiful opera singer had her scalpel ready.