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What Am I Living? Part 1 of 3

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By H-P-Lovecraft   |   Watch
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Published: January 5, 2006
Part 1, The beginning,
But what beginning?
I came from a womb,
Was that my beginning?
Or was the beginning
When I was first planned,
By that ageless Creator,
He who controlls the stars,
But also my fate.
And what is my plan?
I call, but He doesn't answer.
He is waiting....
Waiting for the sinners,
The ones who foolishly ignore,
He is waiting for their repetance.
But I repent, why not tell me only?
But such secrets would torment me,
Yet, I cannot ignore my own bowels,
The curiosity which boils and brims,
Above the cauldron of my mind,
But if I know, I risk my own destruction,
Yet it calls me so hauntingly.
Can I ignore it more?
Yes, I must, for it is not my end,
This is my beginning,
Curiosity, Ignorance, and Pain.
This is our beginning,
Sin, Repentance, and more Sin.
So repetitive, yet I continue,
Why me? It's more then me.
Then I know, my whole future,
My whole beginning,
It's all more then me.
Then what will happen this time?
Am I not just another life?
Every life is precious,
And they are all so big,
But what difference do I make?
The fact that I am me,
Is all the difference there is.
This is my beginning.
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© 2006 - 2019 H-P-Lovecraft
Part 1 out of a 3 part poem that is currently in progress. Enjoy my fans.

Part 2: [link]
Part 3: [link]
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Inaction and Reaction
Posession This demon's taken control of me Depression I curse myself and my incapability Regression I wish, I hope, to go back to the day Dispassion When I didn't care about it, either way Displacement Why are my thoughts so out of place? Abasement Mayhap it's someone else with my face Chastisement Punish me, now, for I spit and I curse Excitement It feels so bad, and I want it to be worse Searching I look for a way out of all this Lurking Shadows hide me, my courage I miss Waiting I see it there, my eyes it will haunt Hating I look for the moment when I can taunt Distraction It looks away for a moment or three Inact
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I know if I touch him It's gonna hurt I know if I hold him It will only make it worse If I pull him close, wrapped in my arms I know that it will only bring me harm He'll slice me through with his wounded eyes Bleed me to death with his silent cries Slit my throat with his pleading gaze Scar me with his mournful ways I can't get close, can't let him in He'll cut me and I'll bleed within It's happening all over again I try, won't cry As the knives go in If I pull him close, it will bring me pain But to push away simply brings the same The hurt in his eyes when I turn away Is a price that I'm unwilling to pay
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What do you expect me to say When you keep pushing me away? Remember—I can't read your mind, And time cannot rewind. Regret will only make it worse— Like a bad omen from a curse. This will surely make you stronger; Please just hold on longer. I'll be here, right by your side; You don't have to run and hide. Just try to find the silver lining— The sun will keep on shining. Never forget that this is true: I am here for you.
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