*We open at the driver's hut in Ffarquhar, The Fat Controller arrives and rings the doorbell, Thomas answers the door, sporting an apron*
Fat Controller: "Well, Thomas, I made it, despite your directions."
Thomas: "Ah, Sir Topham, welcome, I hope you are ready for an unforgettable luncheon."
*the Fat Controller walks in and sits at the table*
Fat Controller: "Yeah..."
*Thomas goes into the kitchen*
Thomas *gasps as he sees smoke coming from the oven, running to it and slowly opens the oven door*: "Egads, my roast is ruined!"
*Thomas turns to the window, and nearby is a McDonald's*
Thomas: "But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my cooking?"
Thomas: "Delightfully Devilish, Thomas."
*he cracks open the window and starts to put his leg out just as The Fat Controller steps in*
Fat Controller: "Ah..."
Thomas, with his crazy explainations.... The Railway's superintendent's going to need his medication, When he hears Thomas' lame exaggerations, there's going to be trouble in town tonight!"
Fat Controller: "THOMAS!"
*Thomas turns startled*
Thomas: "Sir, I was just.. err... stretching my calves on the windowsill, Isometric Exercise, care to join me?"
Fat Controller: "Why is there smoke coming from your oven, Thomas?"
Thomas: "Oh, that's not smoke, that's steam; steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmmm, steamed clams"
*the Fat Controller than turns and leaves for the dining room*
*Thomas wipes his brow and then dashes out the window to the McDonald's, he returns with a platter of burgers and chips*
Thomas: "Sir, I hope you are ready for mouthwatering hamburgers."
Fat Controller: "I thought we were having steamed clams."
Thomas: "D'oh, no, we're having steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers."
Fat Controller: "You call Hamburgers, steamed hams..."
Thomas: "Yes, it's a regional dialect."
Fat Controller: "Uh huh, what region?"
Thomas: "Uh... southern england..."
Fat Controller: "Really, well I'm from Dover, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."
Thomas: " Oh, not in Dover, no, It's a Brighton expression."
Fat Controller: "I see..."
*the Fat Controller takes a bite of one and then opens it up*
Fat Controller: "You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at McDonald's."
Thomas *chuckles*: "No, patented Billinton burgers, old family recipe."
Fat Controller: "For steamed hams..."
Fat Controller: "Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled."
Thomas: "Excuse me for one second."
*Thomas gets up and goes back into the kitchen*
Fat Controller: "Of course."
*Thomas returns and yawns*
Thomas: "Well, that was wonderful, good time had by all, I'm pooped."
*the Fat Controller starts to get up after looking at his watch, stopping as he peers through the swinging door at a fire*
Fat Controller: "Good lord, what is happening in there?!"
Thomas: "Uh...Aurora Borealis?"
Fat Controller: "Aurora Borealis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!"
Fat Controller: "May I see it?"
*the two step outside*
Twilight: "Thomas! The Hut is on fire!"
Thomas: "No Twilight, it's just the northern lights."
Fat Controller: "Well Thomas, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, that you steam a good ham."
*The Fat Controller leaves, as the hut really starts to burn*
*the Fat Controller looks back, only to see Thomas grinning whilst giving a thumbs up*
END OF SKETCH