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you tie your words together
         like loose thread, leaving
   nothing left to trip over: no trail to follow.

          your voice is shallow, heartbeat
     steady as the cadence of the second-hand.
            Away from the window,
                 admission flows forth like mercury.
   
         yes, i held my breath. yes.
                 i can still smell the earth;
             can still imagine the

vignetted
         insouciance of spring
             bursting into sepia life
        like the birth of toads.
[some things are not so soon forgotten.]
              
        i want you to know, sunflower
             intimate with the baked
        clay of the earth;  i do not speak
             with you and hear the parlance

              of victims-
                     but of vines.
for my cousin, who paints vivid pictures of memories far better than i can ever convey in words.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2011-03-17
The suggester writes: I love how safe-house song by ~grey-skies-industry sounds, tastes and smells. ( Suggested by zebrazebrazebra and Featured by Halatia )
:iconbenarnia:
benarnia Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is true poetic artistry. Absolutely brilliant. You evoke such vivid imagery with so few words.

Good job.
Reply
:iconenglandrain:
englandrain Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Utter perfection.
Reply
:iconjailbreakfiend:
JailBreakFiend Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Beautiful.
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2011
I'm blushing!
Reply
:iconjailbreakfiend:
JailBreakFiend Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:aww:
Reply
:icont-a-raskelt:
T-A-Raskelt Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011   Traditional Artist
For some reason I keep picturing a vineyard in my mind when I read this. Beautiful phrasing and carefully-chosen words. Favorite part: "yes, I heald my breath. Yes. i can still smell the earth,"
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2011
A vineyard seems just fine! <3 Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!
Reply
:iconrestlesssands:
RestlessSands Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
frink. beautiful.
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2011
Thank you very much for your kindness!
Reply
:iconmichinyuja:
michinyuja Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Professional Writer
its good.
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:iconcobrastarfan123:
cobrastarfan123 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
gorgeous
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:iconkavthephotog:
kavthephotog Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
holy shitt, amazing much?
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
;_;

my heart-
Reply
:iconkavthephotog:
kavthephotog Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
i think its great
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2011
Thank you.
Reply
:iconkavthephotog:
kavthephotog Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:)
Reply
:icononemorning85:
onemorning85 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
I don't understand what the poem is about...but I like it. The words are beautiful. I do wish I knew what it's about, though. Care to share? :)
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
It was written after learning of something that had happened in a garden shed to my cousin when she was a child. I'm afraid I'm not going to say any more than that on the subject, for her sake.

Essentially what I wanted to convey to her [and still want to convey] is that she is loved, and that I believe she is healing from it.
Reply
:icononemorning85:
onemorning85 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
:) I understand.
Reply
:icontwistedalyx:
TwistedAlyx Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I love the alst 3 stanzas. :heart:
Reply
:iconpoetic-justice88:
Poetic-justice88 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Professional Photographer
do you have a link to your cousins page?
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
I'm sorry, but due to the personal nature of the poem, I'm not going to reveal her identity. Thank you for understanding.
Reply
:iconpoetic-justice88:
Poetic-justice88 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Professional Photographer
oh. okay. I just want to see these pictures you say she does so well. I really had no other intention in looking at her da except to see if the pictures were as wonderful as you describe.
Reply
:iconnumbskulled00:
numbskulled00 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like the way your words paint vivid pictures for the imagination,however sad it may be.Very Good work!
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Reply
:iconnumbskulled00:
numbskulled00 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
no problem,it was worth it.
Reply
:iconmegaleen:
megaleen Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
This is beautiful. I like reading beautiful things at this time in my life. Thank you.
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
I like this comment an awful lot. Thank you very much for your kind words. You make me feel very special.
Reply
:iconrubeah:
Rubeah Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful!
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:icontraficjam:
TraficJam Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Beautiful!
and congrats on the DD
Reply
:iconhibouette:
Hibouette Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So pretty <3 Congrats on your dd!
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsherlock-blue:
Sherlock-Blue Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks so much for this poem (: I like it.
Are you on HelloPoetry?
If not, you should be :D [link]
Go Go! and then tell me so I can watch you ^____^
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Thank you, but I'm used to dA- I've actually been here for quite a while. However, please feel free to watch me here if you desire! I can't promise I'll post regularly, given that inspiration is such a fickle master...
Reply
:iconsherlock-blue:
Sherlock-Blue Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Oh no kidding XD I understand that, being a writer myself.
And I did! I keep favoriting your stuff...so I figure I'll just watch you so I can keep doing that!
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
I'm absolutely flattered! You make me blush with your kindness.
Reply
:iconsherlock-blue:
Sherlock-Blue Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
lullllz it's great to find a more than decent writer :3
Reply
:iconlit-twitter:
Lit-Twitter Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. :)
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Thank you. I am humbled.
Reply
:iconlordlossxz:
lordlossxz Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
this was beautiful. your DD is well deserved :)
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
DD...? -checks-

W-wha-

M-my heart... ;_; I had no idea...!
Reply
:iconlordlossxz:
lordlossxz Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
seriously??? It's amazing. haha. I'm glad you got one. Really wish I could get one myself, but no one has been kind enough to grace me with such a gift, lmao
Reply
:iconzebrazebrazebra:
zebrazebrazebra Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Professional Writer
SURPRISE!

Seriously though, I've been eating this like it were synaesthesiac cereal all day, particularly that bit from 'vignetted' to 'toads'. Oh, and the ending. Sunflowers intimate with the baked clay of the earth? Marvellous.

I don't love the brackets or what's in them--I'm pretty sure it could be cut with no loss to the piece. Also, while I enjoy the admission flowing like mercury, I'd like to see that image worked a little more into the piece. Everything else is very organic--thread, toads, hands--and the mercury distorts that just very slightly. I also thought 'victims--but of vines' could've been teased out a little more for maximum effect; right now the ending does come on very quickly. But I do recognise that this is an older piece, so whether or not you really feel like taking to it with the revision shovel is up to you.

That's all I have for now, anyway. The Budda in me thinks the Budda in you rocks.
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
It's actually about a very personal... thing that happened to my cousin in a gardening shed.

I admit, this one was writ purely out of a seething hatred for the sort of person that could do such a thing to a child. I was hoping to convey to her that she is loved.

I don't know. I've always sort of felt guilty for even looking at it, like it shouldn't have had to be written in the first place.

I also don't know about brackets. I have a... a "thing" with them.
Reply
:iconzebrazebrazebra:
zebrazebrazebra Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011  Professional Writer
From what you have just said, writing this is one of the best things you could have done for her. And by sharing it with others you are helping something worthwhile to blossom out of pain. Don't feel guilty. Just do what you can.
Reply
:icongrey-skies-industry:
grey-skies-industry Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
We have both agreed not to reveal her name or the full situation. People may interpret this poem as they desire. I have always disliked being too specific, in any case.
Reply
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