Previously, on Sarcantasy
: www.deviantart.com/grendelkin/…Somewhere in the Lumberjackfree Forest:
One of the two Punchbunny envoys speaks: "Hrrrm! Inferior Bunny representatives all here? Beachbunnies?"
!" the 'Bunny in the bikini replies, smiling.
"Chucklebunnies?" the Punchbunny asks.
"Eh-heheheh. Dude. She said 'bunny'. Eh-heheheh," the male with brown hair replies.
"Heheh-hrm. Yeah, yeah. Bunny," the blonde male agrees.
"Hrrrmm! Chucklebunnies is two!" the Punchbunny snarls. "All inferior bunnies told to send one
"Uhhh… I'm one Chucklebunny, dude," the brown-haired male says.
"Hrm-hrm, yeah! Yeah! And I'm one Chucklebunny!" the blonde male agrees.
"So, like...? We sent one Chucklebunny," the brown-haired male says.
"Hrm, yeah! Yeah! One!" the blonde male agrees. "Dude. I think she's, y'know, kinda dumb."
"Shh, dude! Dumb chicks are the best kind," the brown-haired male 'whispers'.
The lead Punchbunny's face goes red with rage and she starts to raise her fist...
"I know you want to beat them to death right now, and I can empathize," the dark-skinned female says, her voice a dull monotone, "but I'd save my energy. The Chucklebunnies live close to our warrens, and these two really represent the pinnacle of intelligence, as far as their tribe's concerned."
"Gloombunnies is send representative," the lead Punchbunny says, coldly. "All inferior Bunnies is here. Now hear this; inferior creatureses is in forest of Bunnies!"
"There are always
other creatures in the forest," the Gloombunny sighs. "It's a forest
"Now is different!" the Punchbunny snarls. "Now is inferior Elfses, moving in from sun-death lands!"
"Like, more Wood-Elves?" the Beachbunny chirps. "Kewl! Those guys know how to parrr-taaaay
"No, not Woodsie Elfses! No party!" the Punchbunny snaps. "Is puff-puff and snortie Elfses!"
"Dude, she said 'party'," the brown-haired male chuckles.
"Yeah, yeah, party!" the blonde male agrees. "She wants ta party! Hrm-hrm, yeah! Yeah!"
"You guys might all want to shut up before she pops a vein," the Gloombunny counsels.
"Dude," the brown-haired male chuckles, "you said -"
"And I mean our
veins. With her fists," the Gloombunny clarifies.
The four non-Punchbunnies immediately all shut up, and cautiously watch the lead Punchbunny fume and struggle to control her breathing… until she finally shakes herself and speaks: "Now is enemies
of Punchbunnies in forest of Bunnies! Already we is lose one sister! Findses corpse! Bad death! Now is war
with inferior specieses in our lands! Message to stay away, we stomp on brains! Inferior Bunnies no is Punchbunnies, but still is Bunnies. Will help Punchbunnies find inferior specieses in forest! Will hunt! Will report!"
The Gloombunny raises a hand; the Punchbunny ignores this.
"Beachbunnies is too cuddly," she proclaims. "Chucklebunnies is too stupid. Gloombunnies is too smart. So! Will mix-make parties; Beach, Chuckle and Gloom. Together, make maybe half a Punchbunny. Will go far! Will go fast! Hop-hop-hop!"
"What about, like, if we find any strangers?" the Beachbunny asks.
"If find? Report!" the Punchbunny orders. She grinds one gloved fist in the other and grins
; the four 'inferior' Bunnies back up as if on command. "Then crack skulls. Stomp on brains. Forest of Bunnies is Forest of Bunnies! Nobody elses. All inferior specieses dead
= = = = = = = = = = = =Elsewhere in the Lumberjackfree Forest:
"Ugh," second in rank says, and blows out a smoke ring, "this place is disgusting. No pavement. No sewer. No street vendors. Bugs and animals everywhere. How much Snort do we have left?"
"Less than before third in rank rolled that big cigar," first in rank says. "We should be alright until we get to the marshalling-point, but it might be a little tight. Remind me to punch him in the gut when he comes back down."
"I'll hold his arms for you," second in rank promises. "This forest is gross. It's nuts that we're out here with these numbers; all kinds of freaky beasts are getting stirred up. Why can't we just go back to the High Kingdom and report we couldn't find the crazy girl?"
"It's all gone too far now," first in rank says. "One whole patrol failed to report in, and the Priest says they got wiped."
"By one crazy chick?" second in rank scoffs. "Why didn't I hear about this?"
"You were high on Ruby when the report came in," first in rank replies. "Maybe it was her. Maybe it was something else. This fucking forest is full of creepy critters, and they're all acting like we're
the intruders here."
"Damn Wood Elves should've purged this place before they buggered off," second in rank growls between quick, ferocious puffs on his stick of Snort. "Kill all of the scum off. Dammit, what are we even out here for?! It's one
girl that went crazy and took off! Who cares if she took a wee on an altar? Coming out here in force is going to cause nothing but trouble!"
"Spat on it, from what I hear," first in rank corrects second. "And punched her fiancé in the face, then kicked him in the fork while he was on the ground, apparently."
"So bloody what?" second snorts -- and inhales another puff of Snort. "Who cares? Two minor families. One girl who went crazy as an Urken and ran away. Why all the hoopla? Why trot out the army? It doesn't make sense
"She's a pureblood," first in rank replies.
"So? There isn't a single High Elf who isn't a pureblood," second says.
"And she's fertile," first in rank replies.
Second in rank stumbles and stands still, ignoring third in rank when he crashes into his back, bounces off, walks into a tree and falls flat on his back. His Elven eyes, naturally large and luminous, are glittering
as they haven't done for years.
"You're putting me on," he says.
First in rank turns and shakes his head. "You need to stop doing Ruby between missions," he says. "Stick to Snort and Stargrass. You'll hear more. The girl is crazy as an Urken, yeah, but the Priest confirmed it; she's a breeder
"But she's a High Elf!" second in rank protests, his eyes still glittering. "She can't -- I mean, it's not -- you know?"
possible," first in rank says. "She kicked it a few years ago."
"Kicked it? Nobody kicks
it!" second in rank scoffs. "This world is too filthy, too … Nobody
did," first in rank insists. "The Priest said so. He looked like he couldn't believe it himself. No wonder she went crazy, but it doesn't matter. She's mean and crazy as a March hare, and she's got unsightly scars, but still. She's a breeder."
"A pureblooded breeder," second in rank breathes, the glittering in his eyes now quite unseemly.
"Just imagine how much we stand to make in reward money if we're first to find her and bring her in," first in rank says.
The eyes of first in rank start to glitter as well, and the two High Elves start to laugh. After a while, third in rank joins in. But that's probably because of the Snort. He stops when second in rank kicks him in the ribs, anyway.
= = = = = = = = = = = =Ahhhhh, isn't that interesting, my
Elves and Bunnies and ZPR, oh my!
All following the same trail.
How long before they meet up?
Ahhhahahaaa, yes! Yes! You know!
And me? I can't wait to find out.So!
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? Will...
- meet the Elves first?
- meet ZPR first?
- meet Team A first?
- meet Team B first?
+ The Elves...
- meet the Bunnies first?
- meet ZPR first?
- meet Team A first?
- meet Team B first?
YOU DECIDE! ON THE UPCOMING SECOND CHAPTER OF...SARCANTASY
= = = = = = = = = = = =
Please continue to Chapter 2 of Sarcantasy