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Sarcantasy 023 by Grendelkin Sarcantasy 023 by Grendelkin
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You ask Delar who he was talking to before, and make a joke about an invisible friend.
The Half-Urken twitches... and then his shoulders sag.

"She's not invisible," he says. He raises and lowers his spear. "This is Traitor's Bane."

"You're... you're carrying a sentient magic weapon?!" Emma splutters. "God! That is just... Good God! How old is it?!"

"She's less than ten years old, and her sentience grew organically!" Delar quickly defends his spear.

You start to ask what the problem is, when a bad feeling makes you turn around.

Two very large bears - Barr - are standing behind you.
One has a floral hat and a handbag.
The other is wearing a cap and carrying a small tree.
This is highly upsetting.

"Hi there, little critters," the one in the cap rumbles, his voice avuncular and actually quite friendly. "Now I know this must all be really scary for you, but if you just stand still and close your eyes, it'll all be over in a single whack."

"Dan, don't talk to the critters," the smaller Barr snaps. "Just whack 'em. I have three hungry cubs to feed."

"Aw, Rosie," the male whines, "they're not cubs anymore! Any day now the boy is gonna leave and the girls will challenge you for dominance!"

"Until then, they're my cubs, and cubs need meat!" the female snaps. "Now whack 'em before they're getting away!"

You started tiptoeing away while the Barr argued, and at the female's petulant scream you all break into a run.

"Get 'em, Dan, whack 'em!"
"I'm just saying, Rosie, nuts and berries! They never try to run!"

You hear the thunderous footsteps of the Barr in pursuit and you run. You run towards the sound you heard before, which turns out to be... bubbling?
Petulant voices and a chemical stench reach you before you catch sight of their source:

"Cut me down! You gotta cut me down! I can smell it, it's so good! Cut me down!"
"How much longer, man, I got the shakes real bad..."
"Will you all SHUT UP? If I go too fast, the Ruby doesn't crystallize and we'll need to find something else to bleed."
"If High Command finds out we cooked Ruby in the field, we are in so much trouble..."
"I wouldn't have to cook Ruby if you bastards hadn't left Etholglade on guard alone and he hadn't smoked all of our Snort! Now shut up!"
"Cut me down, c'mon, I need a shot..."
"SHUT UP, or I'll --"

You crash into Delar as he comes to an abrupt halt.
In front of you are four pointy-eared creatures around a device that's sending up billows of smoke. A squirrel has been strung up above the machine, blood trickling from its slit throat. A fifth creature is lashed to a nearby tree.

For a moment, everyone is frozen with surprise.

"Mother Urk," Delar whispers, horrified. "High Elves!"

One of the Elves reaches for an arrow and roars: "HUMES! KILL THEM ALL!"

= = = = = = = = = = = =

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MrRemoraman Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I would rather face the army of legalos clones than deal with the giant Berenstain Bears 
Peebo-Thuhlu Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2018

Why did people stop?

Must run faster/>
DonnellTheFox Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2018  New Deviant
I like this plan! Let our two problems take care of each other. (Like Bilbo and the trolls, but we're doing it intentionally :) )
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Submitted on
June 28
Image Size
1.9 MB


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