so i really wanted to record someplace that these three poems go together and how they fit so i'm just gonna write it all down here
okay so, technical things first? yeah then meaning later
psa: just so that all of this makes sense, know that i typed all these poems out.
all three poems were posted in chronological order of when i started writing them. not to die first, ONE WEEK second, and schrödinger's girl last. i started writing ONE WEEK right after the second line of the second to last stanza of not to die. it was a separate idea, and so i put it in its own note and ran with it until that was done. then i wrote the little description and got the idea for schrödinger's girl, and i copy pasted that phrase and just started writing. once i was done with that, i went back and finished not to die.
about the titles: not to die is a reference to infinitives in latin (the "to be" form of the verb). i was thinking of the latin words i would put in the title, but i didn't like them so i just stuck with the english. also, that used to be the first line of the poem, but i decided to make it the title. ONE WEEK is very unique and actually does have a method behind the madness. i first thought to put it in brackets because it was a small homage to [Premade Sandwiches] by Glass Animals, not exactly in content but in intent. its a sort of rough interlude between the more musical and poetic ideas. and its in all caps because my latin teacher writes and types in all caps. in emails, in dropbox, in turnitin, and that's just become how i see the school and the sort of tone i equate with school things. schrödinger's girl, i swear to god i know that there are supposed to be the dots over the 'o' but deviantart is a little shit that doesn't like strange letters in the titles. i've always been fascinated by the idea of schrödinger's cat, so the two possibilities in the phrase "having friends or not having friends" brought that whole idea back.
meaning/analysis (this is gonna be really brief because i don't want to bore you):
not to die, but to leave.
the first line is referring to all of it: leaving instead of dying, writing the poem, having the realizations that it brings.
in the second stanza, the parts are people, shown in "we're not a lot."
the third stanza is about how the people are in pretty much everything, how they're just repeating themselves.
fourth stanza is how i have all sorts of weird inconveniences and i'm trying to blame it on my selflessness and them.
fifth stanza about feeling like your friends are all fake. i think everyone has that at some point, right?
sixth stanza is hypothetical and numb. about leaving people behind.
seventh stanza is is about people hurting you, but you keep giving them chances because they're only little things. but those little things build up over time.
last stanza is just about one person putting in so much more effort into a relationship than the other person.
[ONE WEEK-NO SCHOOL]
this stems from the fake friends and letting them back into your life idea from the poem before. just a rant/vent on how out of my two other friends, they are more on the same level and have similar lives and i'm never on the same plane of existence as them, but when i'm at my closest i still feel removed and when i'm at my farthest it just doesn't even seem like they want me around.
this one is more self-contained than the other two. about me, myself and i rather than me, him, and her. about how feelings about these friendships are confusing and so polarized and i feel like its driving me insane sometimes.
alright, that's all of it! haha this was kinda pointless, but kinda fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i don't really know why i did this
until the next~