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[PA] A Refuge In The Light by Gothamed [PA] A Refuge In The Light by Gothamed
[ Caution: This is a big file. / Download for full view. ] || This is vent art.

|| Trust me, I get it that people have to grow up. People move on, find new cliques and new interests... but it doesn't feel great getting tossed aside every time someone else shows up. I understand that I can't keep hiding things from you because I'm just too scared to push my luck. I spent months, maybe even years trying to make up for every mistake I made in the beginning. I thought I had, thought I could put my trust in you because you were always there at the end. But the reality was I needed you more than you needed me. Because the moment someone else filled your void, what we had seemingly meant nothing. And yeah, maybe it's just me misunderstanding. Reading too much into something that isn't true at all. Maybe you're waiting on me to say something, but I just can't find it in myself to get over the more recent silence. We both know I've been misunderstanding things since day one, maybe it's just in my genes or something to not know how to handle a friendship after it gets quiet for awhile. I think it's because maybe I did care too much, promise some things I knew would never be attainable because I knew by the time I got my life on track, you'd have found someone closer to home. Maybe built someone something nice, and I'm glad. I'm just sorry that I can't be man enough to say it to you instead of writing some vague description on a lame drawing posted on some art site that neither of us ever really liked to begin with. || 

Artist Notes:
I'm bad at holding friendships with people because I tend to never message them back. It's not just people I already know, but people who are trying to actually form a bond with me. Sure, I could try harder and put more effort into being social but... I don't know. My luck with people just isn't good, I feel like more people walk out on me than I can even count on one hand. So to the people who just never got a reply: It's not you, it's me. Literally. I don't know how to socialize. And if you're the person this little vent is about: Sorry, you've done nothing wrong. I'm glad you're happy. 

It's been a long last few months, and I'll be glad when this depressive spell is over. 

Time taken: About 21 hrs in total
Program: MS5 
Character: My sona, Dev.
Art: Myself / Gothamed 
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:iconmjlauren:
MJLauren Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2017
Oh, beautiful art too! Great details; like the detailed tats, galaxy cloud, and tats especially ^.^
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:icongothamed:
Gothamed Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you! ;v;/) 
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:iconmjlauren:
MJLauren Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2017
I lost several really, really close friends who seemed to be just done with my on a whim (one shortly after finding a new person, the other was always hopping friend groups but up until then always kept ties with me).

It stopped being painful for me when I realized that people just do what feels right to them at the time. They'll put up with friendships that are a drain on them for a while, but they'll dump it fairly quickly it if isn't making them feel good - forget loyalty, forget open communication - you just can't expect any of that, because that's not path-of-least-resistance. When you realize that people are just doing what's in their own interest, it's easier not to hate them, and it's easier not to take the rejection personally. At least that made it easier for me :)
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:icongothamed:
Gothamed Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Ahh, I wish this had been that easy. It wasn't just a quick friendship in this case. 
More like four years of dedication, really. But it's whatever. All things move with time.
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:iconmjlauren:
MJLauren Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017
I think you misunderstood; one of them was my best friend for 10 years, the other I spoke with on a daily basis for 3 years prior to the breakdown and had known for 5 years total. They weren't quick relationships; they both left quickly is what I meant
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:icongothamed:
Gothamed Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Ah, sorry. Sometimes I misread. ;; Forgive me.
But ah, I dunno. The whole topic is just kind of weird for me?
Like? I don't know how to explain. I'm not good with people to start with. 
So even developing friendships is difficult for me, it's a rather problematic issue. 
Reply
:iconmjlauren:
MJLauren Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2017
Np :) Having difficulty forming friendships is not as rare as it seems, I think - probably describes every introvert that has social anxiety (which is a lot of us, haha). Not that it helps necessarily xD but you're not alone!! :3
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January 29, 2017
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