Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
He hunts for souls riddled with rot and unrest
With contempt his wings do burn and beat
Black and somber Odes resounding in his chest

Defacating on writhing carrion so far beneath his feet
Each whisper fortelling thunder's blaze to drive you blind
Unfaltering wings in winter's grip and summer's sulphrous heat

He pearches in the bonyard, on tombstones his talons grind
Herald of death, witness of birth, consumer of decay
He flocks his shadows over you, feeding maggots in your mind

And for every skull his children pick clean, another mind to flay
this wyvern, this scavenger even baits and steals away my breath
Each sin a trickster on your tomb awaiting your final day

King crow, eroder of the sky, emperor of tease and theft
Laughs and mocks the cries of man, waiting for each one's death
Ok, i was walking my dog, takign pictures for my photography project, when in the middle fo the road i saw a flock of crows bickering over the body of a dead Rabbit. Later i read a write up of the Terza Rizma syle of poetry, and i did this little number.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpoetry-of-hate:
poetry-of-hate Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2004
when it comes to dark poetry it's very hard something new,you somehow manage to do that,very powerful and slightly bizarre images it evokes,i like it
Reply
:icongoji:
goji Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2004   Writer
thank you very much.
Reply
:iconpoetic-forms:
poetic-forms Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2004   Writer
Very spooky, so glad to see you take upon the terza rima form.

Something the spellchecker inside me noticed:

"Each whisper fortelling thunder's blaze to drive you blind"

foretelling

"He pearches in the bonyard, on tombstones his talons grind"

perches and boneyard are the correct spellings.

Some of the lines seem a bit long, which interrupts the flow a little. There might be some words you could remove from the longer lines, such as this one:

"this wyvern, this scavenger even baits and steals away my breath"

Perhaps get rid of one of the "this" and the "even".

:D
Reply
:icongoji:
goji Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2004   Writer
thanks so much for the advice. im checking this on word, it says they're correct here, but i thoguht they sounded screwy. Word's such an odd program. i'll try your advice, see how i like it.
Reply
:iconmylittleblackheart:
MyLittleBlackHeart Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2004
A very, very illustative poem!
I could see the scenery in my head!
Powerful crow, I like it.

Keep up the good job!
Reply
:icongoji:
goji Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2004   Writer
thank you very much for the comment.
Reply
:iconmylittleblackheart:
MyLittleBlackHeart Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2004
My pleasure Goji.
Reply
:iconleanora:
leanora Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004
So cold, I love it!
Colder than usual, actually... but the imagery is astounding as usual! Keep it up, love, I'm rooting for you!
Reply
:iconkrazykrissy:
krazykrissy Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004
Wow this is really good! I totally enjoyed reading it. I felt like I was right there watching them rip and tear at the rotting flesh. It is quite an amazing site really. So I repeat Deadgods, this is fucking awesome, not cause I am biased and want her, LMAO Sorry just a little wishful thinking *smacks self back to reality* So tell me again about Sheryl Crow and your mom...... Kidding kidding geeze *lick* Awesome job babe it reminds me of [link] so its a definate fav!!!!! :hug:
Reply
:icongoji:
goji Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2004   Writer
LOL glad you liked it. i was listening to sheryl Crow and Eric Clapton to " White Rom" while i wrote it, so hah.
Reply
:iconkrazykrissy:
krazykrissy Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2004
You do know I'm not gonna leave you alone about this Sheryl Crow thing right? haha :heart:
Reply
:iconhello-magpie:
hello-magpie Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004  Professional General Artist
Fuckin' awesome. Not that I'm biased 'cause crows are my babies....it's a really good poem.
Reply
:icongoji:
goji Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004   Writer
now how did i figure you'd say somethign like this. Shame, as you can tell i rather dislike crows, scary scavenging bastards..::shiver:: Butt hank you, that means quite a bit. allt hese new poetry styles are rekindlin the poetic fire.
Reply
:iconmioku:
Mioku Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004
Now that is UBER cool!!! I can sooooo picture the King Crow ^_^ *cuddles the birdie* Totemo Kawaii Desu yo!!! I think I love birds a bit too much. I can't help it. I mean I do have 25 of them. I really like this! "waiting for each one's death" very cool.
Reply
:iconnagi-tsukiono:
Nagi-Tsukiono Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004
YAY!
Reply
:icondark-tourniquet:
dark-tourniquet Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2004
ooh I likes. You shoulda thought of this around Halloween!!!! It's creepy and cool. Beautiful words as alwasy *looks for Webster's dictionary*

I'm out to look for my crow now. Woowoo!!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:icongoji: More from goji


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 4, 2004
File Size
982 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
194
Favourites
1 (who?)
Comments
16