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YPO 2
I started teaching myself Hawaiian a few years ago but I could never quite get the hang of it. Apparently one of my local friends said that it’s similar to what they speak in Tahiti so I was basically learning two different languages. It started out as a fun hobby but then it quickly became a social necessity. I could tell I was an easy target on these streets and folks were looking at me funny. I’d figured I needed to learn the local tongue quick if I was gonna blend in.
My time in Hawaii felt like an adventure at some moments and a struggle to survive at others. Meeting different locals and learning about the history of these isles opened my mind to their experiences. I had to come here to learn about certain aspects of Hawaiian history I wouldn’t have learned anywhere else, from the construction of the Heiaus up to the annihilation of Hawaiian cultural heritage. Many Hawaiian families were forced to assimilate to western standards. Like I said, they didn’t teach us anything about the subjugation of the Hawaiian people/Pacific Islanders in class. Most of my teachers only glossed over the fact that the US stole these islands. I remember spending all of 5 minutes in class on the subject.
Dig this, after being threatened with the torture of her peers the Great Queen Lili’uokalani had no choice but to sign over the Islands to the greedy American businessmen trying to steal their land. Many described it as the first US Coup. After that came the jailing of protesters and the Mass Deaths of the local populace from disease and starvation. A morbid history indeed.
Like I said before, the Natives were put through the wringer. Most Hawaiians at that time weren’t even allowed to speak their native tongue and often got harassed or abused just for doing so. One of my former bosses said that her grandfather was slapped across the face as a kid just for saying “Aloha” to their teacher. The wickedness that comes with harming innocent kids pisses me off for obvious reasons. I truly can never think of any justification for slapping a child just for saying “love” in another language.
I’d figured there was always something there. Every time I’d walk down kukuihaele two things would happen: it would either get really quiet or somebody would start making monkey noises from their window as I passed by. I always wondered what I did personally to them. I had to look at it through the lenses of generational trauma and psychological projection. That’s not to say that I didn’t have my moments when I lashed out. My friend, who happened to be White, said he had rocks thrown at him once so I figured I’d might have to go scrap just to show them I wasn’t having it. I’m not MLK, mate. I understand that Hurt folks hurt folks and the Hawaiians are no different.
The people of these islands have experienced some of the most brutal forms of racism. Sadly a good portion of ‘em started projecting that pain and hatred onto themselves and each other. I could relate to that. Years and years of inhumane treatment and exploitation would do that to someone. I saw it for what it was. This was the same type of classist/racist shit I saw back in Baltimore. The scourge of greed and the disenchantment of the locals polluted the air around me.
I remember being at my friend’s house out in Hilo talking story with this one uncle. There was a Native guy in the other room just hanging around, chillin. While this guy was sitting in the next room hanging out this uncle looks over at him, then looks at me, then starts going off about how he didn’t trust the Natives on this island and how he felt that they were stupid. “They’re not Stupid! They just don’t like talking to assholes like you!” I shot back. Ignorant folks said the same shit about us back in Baltimore. I knew assholes when I saw them and I guess it’s a sad reality that some folks who come from the other side of the tracks will just never get it. The guy in the next room got a kick outta my response though. Heard him chuckle so I guess I made his day.
I understand why they don’t like foreigners from a historical perspective and honestly I’d feel the same way if my homeland was taken from me. That’s not excusing the discrimination I’ve faced. Most of the discrimination I’ve faced on these islands were from the Natives, other people of color. The Rich White Folks just gave me weird looks but the Hawaiians would call me nxxxxx to my face like it was the 40s. The Rich White folks don’t really like people like me anyway so I was used to that. Their racism was more subtle. The same would go for the folks from Asia. They just wouldn’t bother themselves with me. The Hawaiians on the other hand made it clear they had something to say to me. Most Hawaiians dislike foreigners in general but still I was shocked at how vile some of them were. I didn’t expect that from other people of color. Dog eat dog and all that. Stay guarded out here gents.
The history of the Hawaiian annexation was pretty morbid. I invite anyone to truly read “Hawaii’s Story” written by her majesty and come up with their own conclusions. According to the book, The Queen literally changed the Constitution several times to appeal to the foreigners. She was especially trying to satisfy Dole and his men. (Yea Bruh. The Fucking Pineapple Guy helped topple the Hawaiian Monarchy!) I guess she saw that they were getting hungry for profit. I can’t imagine writing a whole Constitution just to constantly re-edit it for those Rich Assholes. I guess for Dole it must not have been enough.
Truthfully if the monarchy was still in charge today I do not think Hawaii would be this much of a classist shithole. The Queen mentioned in her book that the Americans brought poverty to the people with their dealings in back-handed Capitalism. (lol basically Capitalism) Ugh. In the olden days the Ali’i would take care of the people and everyone had a role to play in society. I’m not saying it was all nice, the Kapu system was a little draconian, but it seemed as though the Hawaiians were finally starting to organize into their own nation before the Americans came and stole everything for themselves. Petty.
I found that I had more in common with the Queen’s ideals of a unified Hawaii than I thought. She was the leader that these folks needed and from her words it sounded like she truly cared for the people, both Hawaiian and foreigners alike. These politicians in Washington from both sides of the aisle could never hold up to someone like her. She was jailed, then put on house arrest after she signed over her islands under the threat of torture. By the end of her life she just took it all in and stuck to writing music on top of helping out others in the community. I wouldn’t be able to do that. Somebody would end up with my foot in their ass if it was me.
I figured if I were to survive these islands I needed to accept the fact that not everyone was going to vibe with me. I could tell I was an easy target. I couldn’t really blame every Hawaiian because it truly wasn’t every Hawaiian. In some instances it was the Wealthy White Folks, but that goes without saying. They would just stare at me or talk under their breath. They weren’t as vocal as the Hawaiians were. I never really opened up about my experiences with discrimination from local Hawaiians which is unique in itself because they are also people of color (and if I’m being honest some LITERALLY look like my cousins). Like I said, I don’t dislike Hawaiians as a group, just the ones that project their racism onto me. (I don’t like Gxxxx because Gxxxx don’t like Nxxxxxs ie. They have their slurs and I have mine. That’s how I know how to spot them. It isn’t a reflection of the entire group as a whole, more so it’s a reflection for those that relish in projection. We all have our limits and if anyone wants to judge then they should spend some time on the streets as a homeless person of color. Just saying. PC culture goes out the window when people try to kill you ‘Shrugs’.).
I mirror the mirror and I only say what I’ve learned from you. That’s not to say I haven’t met plenty of other locals who have taught me some valuable life lessons and certain aspects of their culture I would have never had experienced anywhere else. But that also doesn’t erase the fact that I was bullied or abandoned. That’s not to say that I haven’t had friends and neighbors turn on me just because I was the odd man out. Even after the fire in Lahaina I still caught flack because I was the homeless black kid hanging around town even though we all experienced that tragedy together. Some STILL told me to go back home because I didn’t belong here. I got sick of saying “we were all Hawaiian” and “these are our islands” REAL fast. Fuck it. Fuck ‘em. FUCK Everyone.
The harsh truth of the matter was that most locals just didn’t know or didn’t care about how similar our ancestors were in struggle. This wasn’t just between Blacks and Hawaiians, this was a struggle that most if not all groups of people can relate to at some level. Truthfully every racial group has had some experience where they were stiffed over by wealthy assholes and ignorant individuals. Some just got screwed over worst than others either because of their skin color or genitalia. Most don’t realize that slavery, ESPECIALLY African slavery, was a warning to everybody. To me It doesn’t matter if the Whites, Wealthy Africans, Indians, or Arabs were responsible because the bottom line is that no matter what group of people is responsible it was a horrid system to begin with and a humanitarian issue that affects all of us. Nobody should subjugate anybody based on economic status, appearances, or technological deficiencies. Truthfully If it could happen to us, it could happen to anyone (and in some historical instances it did). People are truly vile no matter who’s in charge or what color they come in, and if I’m being honest, greed will be the death of us all.
I’ve talked to locals who didn’t understand what life was like for some of us back in Baltimore. Apparently the schools out here gave them a second hand education on the history of my people. They would have picked up on the similarities quickly since my family also came from sharecroppers and got stiffed over for the work that they put in (obviously after slavery and the annihilation of my ancestral heritage). The system is funny like that. I had to literally fly here to learn about Hawaiian Sharecropping and the economic disparity/mass deaths of the native population. I was also shocked to learn that there were other racial hierarchies besides the cliche “Rich White Asshole shits on everyone” trope. From what I’d gathered from my discussions out here there’s some serious animosity between different groups of folks. The bad blood spills between Asians, Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, and different Pacific Islanders. As diverse and as chill as this place can be at times it doesn’t always feel like a single community built on aloha. In some instances it feels more like Los Angeles from the 1990s, with each group sticking to their own crews. I’ve experienced this first hand. There’s just some neighborhoods you don’t go into.
But that’s besides the point. Truthfully speaking, Hawaiians and other Pacific Islanders never really had their voices heard and many times they just got drowned out by the cacophony of tourists or priced off of their homelands. As I write this these islands are still under an illegal occupation, while many Pacific Island Nations languish in poverty. Most of these rich folks just don’t give a good God damn! This isn’t a “blame the Whites” issue because I see homeless whites here all the time! This is truly a case where certain assholes just want to be greedy and turn a blind eye to the problems of the community. By this point we’re just playing “follow the leader” who wouldn’t even follow himself. The corruption runs deep here.
Like I said I have love for Hawaiians but it only goes so far and if I’m being honest PC culture is only for those with money (seriously, be homeless for a year LMAO). It’s a Love/Hate type of thing. I see the same generational trauma that I find within myself and give you love while I see your cynicism and projection and match you with equal vileness. I am you both in spirit and in spite. I am only human, or a lovely idea of one. When you live on the streets you will experience some truly horrific things and see aspects of others you’d never thought you’d see, hence why I find myself misanthropic. It’s safer to be alone out here anyway.
The dogs will bark constantly. Whatever. I have love for the Native friends that I had met who’ve truly helped me out. I’ll always be connected to the valley despite being abandoned and exiled by my own community (and nearly shot to death, wild night). The locals can have their valley. Travelers from all over the world have been coming to Waipio for thousands of years. I just find it sad because these are my islands also since I’ve been living in Hawaii for years up to this point. Hawaii is for anyone that truly cares for this place and there’s truly no excuse for racial hostility or discrimination on these islands by any group of folks. Africans have been sailing throughout the Pacific for Thousands of years anyway. We were here too. Fuck you.
I can only show my love the best way I know how to, from a distance and with artful metaphors. Not everyone is truly deserving of my commitments and I find it easier to stay alone. Yet I still saw their pain and felt bad about it. These folks truly needed to heal because if Native Hawaiians are hurting then we are all hurting. The same goes for the Micronesians, Melanesians, Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Indians, Indigenous peoples, and any other racial group that calls these islands home. We are all Hawaiian and I don’t care what anyone says. It’s what the Queen would have wanted. A society where everyone can experience aloha, not just solely for those with money. I figured the best way to help was to start with changing myself first and utilizing my talents in order to tell of the experiences I’ve had on these islands because this place still had a story to tell. One of pride, prejudice, a painful past, and a youthful determination for the future. I truthfully think it’s time Hawaii reconciled with itself so that we could all move forward.
Epilogue:
It was around 2021. I was living in the valley when I started drawing this fox girl. She was just this doodle I had kicking around the back of my sketchbook until I needed a side character for my main protagonist. She was just going to be this one off character until I kept thinking up hilarious things for her to do. So that’s how Milo (Me-low) came about. Since I lived in Hawaii I started drawing folks I knew but Milo was different. A combination of a few local girls I knew and a few metaphors I took notice of. To me she became the spirit of the people, someone who lived with the scars of the past and yet still managed to find the aloha in everything. The true essence of Carpe Diem.
Somewhere along the way I started drawing love scenes between my main protagonist Devin and my heroine. Call it a mix between a metaphor and a personal fantasy I had with this local chick around my way. But there was more to her than that. At first I made Milo very outgoing in my sketchbook. Truthfully it felt like she belonged on Sesame Street more so than in a story about revolutions and fighting Deities. As my time on these islands dragged on and I became more exposed to the negativity around me her demeanor became darker and darker. Her and I where wholly different people two years later. I never drew her giving up though. I guess because in some ways I never gave up. I took myself across 6 different Hawaiian islands with just my guitar playing and experienced more Aina than I could handle. I was growing with my character. In someways she became my inspiration. I remembered one night by the fire I strummed on my guitar and sang about a sad island girl caught up in some paradise dystopia. As I sang I kept picturing Milo for some reason staring at me with the same look that the Hawaiians gave me whenever they either said “Aloha” or “nxxxxx”. She looked sad. Despite how her face looked those two black slits that I drew as her eyes said everything to me. They just mirrored her surroundings, a black and white world sketched out by someone else made to fit in a box so it could be more digestible to everyone but her. I felt bad in some ways. I could feel this character staring back at me wondering why she existed in such a space that she had no control over, inheriting the painful lessons of a bygone era. I guess existentialists shouldn’t be comic book artists.
There was this one photo I drew where her and Devin are sitting together smoking pot on a beach. She has a guitar in her hand and sings with her eyes closed while Devin is just looking spaced out, just sort of taking it all in. One must imagine Milo happy, but I like to think that she didn’t need to be. In that moment she was enjoying the day with a friend because despite all of her despair she felt like seizing the moment and creating something wonderful for the both of them. She didn’t need to look at anything else because she just felt it coming from within her. It was a scene she already saw plenty of times before anyway. Her ancestors lived in the “Valley of the Gods” so she was no stranger to her surroundings. The sun on her skin and the song in her heart captured her mood like it has done plenty of times before.
In that moment he didn’t see how sad she truly was and she didn’t care to share. She could see how lost he was so she decided to cheer him up. It was that same feeling of dread and hopelessness that would still be waiting for both of them when the moment passed but in that moment they felt everything that the Aina had to offer, and more importantly they felt each other. It was the spirit of aloha. That despite all of the obstacles we face while wrestling with our personal demons we could still come together, if only for a moment, for the benefit of friendship and the love of the Aina no matter who we are or where we’re from.
“Two strangers from opposite ends of the world met for a moment and felt it all under the Hawaiian sunshine. One stares blankly across the ocean while the other plays a tune, both knowing that even though when the song ends they will be faced with that old familiar pain that’s hidden underneath their smiles. They’re both afraid to open up, but then they realize there’s no reason to. They’ve connected without the dialogue. The setting speaks for itself and the characters present are the only references we need. It’s the only thing that truly mattered in their blank world of Dystopian Paradise. Life personified from two different perspectives who unknowingly share interchangeable experiences, despite being from two different places. But in that moment all was well for they’ve realized that they had a friend who felt it also. The emptiness in me was also the emptiness found in you. No words really needed to be said other than the song that Milo was singing. She didn’t need to be happy, nor did she care to be. What she felt, it came like the waves crashing around them. Does one truly need to imagine Sisyphus happy? And if so, why?” - Strange
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