How To Survive In A Horror Movie

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GhostOfAbbie's avatar

Literature Text

1. First of all, common sense is a good thing to have. If you're in the middle of the woods and you hear someone calling your name from a creepy abandoned house, don't go in. Run as fast as you can in the way you came from. If you see someone you thought was dead, it will not be them. If there is a killer in your house, get the hell out of there. Don't run around locking doors. Don't run upstairs.

2. If you find yourself alone, in a haunted house, abandoned warehouse or some other creepy place, at midnight, think about why you're actually there, and then leave.

3. If you think you'll be getting into a fight with a murderer or supernatural being, don't use a tiny slingshot, a pen knife or a baseball bat. Take an actual gun, and make sure you have bullets in it.

4. If a certain town seems to be where everything is going wrong, get the hell out of there. Don't bring your family or friends. They're probably all possessed or working for the killer.

5. Holy water probably won't injure anyone. Acid, on the other hand, will.

6. If you think you've killed the killer, a few more shots to the head wouldn't hurt, because chances are, you haven't.

7. If the head of your dead friend starts talking to you from inside a cupboard or fridge, close the door and evacuate the building.

8. Expect the unexpected, but expect the expected as well

9. Performing creepy rituals in a church for no reason other than 'you're bored' is probably dangerous and if some kind of demon attacks you, you have no one but yourself to blame.

10. Making yourself pass out because you like dreaming, is not a good idea.

11. Don't go near cemeteries at midnight, on Halloween, on a full moon, blood moon, blue moon, or any other creepy times. In fact, unless you have friends or relatives buried in one, there is no reason to be there at all.

12. If you know that you'll be killed if you tell someone about some kind of monster, don't tell them. And if you know you can't say the name of something, don't say it to prove a point.

13. If your idea of fun is sitting in high up, dangerous places, doing drugs, then don't be surprised when one of your friends disappears.

14. If you find a locked box that has been buried underground for hundreds of years, and has runes carved on it, it probably has some kind of demon in it. Don't open it.

15. If you manage to escape the lair of the killer, but your friend is still inside, just accept the fact that they're gone forever.
This may have a few IT references.
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