The Great Metal Russian Balloon

As the Charles Xavier School for the Gifted was in the midst of another day of… whatever you would call such subdued chaos.  Bobby Drake, a teacher attending the school and known by many as ‘Iceman’, took a seat in the living room with a book.  Wearing only a hoodie with a shirt and jeans on.  Though already the sight was not a common thing for someone like Bobby.  A guy who outside of teacher reports, comic books, and magazines he’ll hide under his bed afterwards, never has been one to read much of anything.  However the book in question Bobby had peeled open.  A simply massive book bound by leathered aged by time.  All of it written in numerous old, forgotten languages with countless spells and incincations.  Dr. Strange was giving it as a present to Charles Xavier, with Bobby tasked with going to Strange’s mansion and picking it up.  Although when he returned Xavier left for important matters.  Leaving Bobby to hold onto it and do what he often does with reading material.  Skim through and look at the funny pictures.

A fellow teacher, Piotr Rasputin, also known as Colossus, walked into the living room as Bobby really started to curl into the couch.  Piotr’s massively strong body ached, the Russian having just spent the morning helping some new arrivals with their powers.  He stretched, his body turning into a shiny sheen of metal under his singlet and sweat pants he had on so he could relax slightly.  Grabbing a wet rag and starting to polish himself, he saw Bobby reading a massive book.  He started to leave when… he stopped turning back around to ensure Bobby was in fact reading.  “Are you… reading?”  He asked genuinely confused.

“Is it really that surprising?”  Bobby asked glancing up from the book and over to Piotr.  Hoisting the book up a bit as he kicked a leg up onto his other knee before gently putting the book back down.  

“Well considering the only things I’ve ever seen you read are comic books, the newspaper if it has an article on you or has you in it, or the teacher reports, yes it is.”  Piotr stated counting the items off with a hand as he started to lean in and see what the book is.  

Bobby was about to try and argue the point when… he realized that Piotr was absolutely right.  “Well… I mean I read other stuff… for their articles I mean…”  Bobby tried to think of what else to say but having dug himself into a hole just stopped.

“So wait, is this the book Dr. Strange wanted you to bring to Xavier?”  Piotr asked as he had leaned on the couch Bobby sat in, looking down at the book.  

“Yeah, since Xavier’s out I’m just holding onto it until ol’ bald one gets back…”  Bobby paused for a moment, secretly hoping Xavier didn’t telepathically hear that or something.  Finally he shook the notion as he went back to the book, awkwardly trying to lift it up for Piotr to look at it.  “Its this old book of spells and stuff, written in a bunch of different languages.  Some of the stuff in here is pretty nutty.”  
Piotr with no effort grabbed hold of the book carefully with a single hand as he took a look at it.  “I would suppose so… hmmm…”  Piotr flipped pages until he got to one in particular, placing a finger on it.  “Here’s one that’s clearly written in old Russian, though the spell hardly seems useful.”  Piotr stated handing the book back to Bobby.

As Bobby got the book back, practically nearly having a hernia from having to suddenly hold such a surprisingly heavy book.  Bobby got it back down onto his lap to look at the spell Piotr pointed out.  “This one?”  Bobby asked pointing at it.  “What does it do?”

“It fills metal objects with air, which is a silly concept considering most metal things already have air in them!”  Piotr sighed before ringing the cloth out over his head.  Letting a breath out with repose as he felt the cool water rush down his steel skin.  

“Huh… well thats a…”  Bobby couldn’t think of the right word to use to describe something so bizarre and useless all at the same time.  So he gave up on that and went back to looking at the spell in question, which had a picture to it of a drawn blimp.  Bobby studied what he assume the wordage was based on what little Russian he had learned from Piotr in the past.  “Looks like you say for the spell ‘Металлиц воздуха’... whatever that means.”  Bobby shrugged as what he said sounded completely butchered no doubt.  

Piotr though smirked at Bobby’s wordage.  “No I think you got it about right.”  Piotr said with a little disregard.  “Its old Russian so that’s about how I would of…”  Piotr stopped when he felt a little queasy.  The floor under him no longer really creaking under his sheer large weight like it used too.  

Bobby though remained oblivious to it all.  “Oh sweet.”  Bobby nodded a little impressed with himself for the moment.  Reading on he came up to a small section that had English.  “Huh there’s some more here on the spell in English, hold on let me see…”  Bobby leaned in as the writing was a little worn.  “It says any metallic object affected by this spell shouldn’t rapture at any point.  At first taking on lighter weight as the spell begins to… hey!”

Piotr had grabbed the book out of his lap.  “Let me see that!”  Piotr proclaimed in a suddenly panicked tone.  He struggled to get it in his grasp with a sudden loss of balance.  Piotr fell over surprisingly lightly onto the floor.  Letting out an “OOFF!” in the process.

Bobby spun over in the couch, looking over the back of it as he looked on and saw Piotr having fallen over, which normally would end with a massive hole in the floor.  “Uh Piotr?  Bro?”  Bobby meekly asked already feeling something’s wrong.  “Is there a reason I should feel like I just goofed REALLY badly?”  Bobby queried, clinching the back of the couch tight.

Piotr grunted, struggling to get back to his feet.  “When this is over Drake, you’re going to pay for this…”  He gave up on the book as it fell to the floor with a thud.  As he got to his feet clinching at himself.  “What is happening to me… I feel like…”  Piotr grunted as suddenly he felt his metal abs start to expand out.  Rounding out as he gasped in fear and confusion.

Bobby’s eyes shot open as he quickly reached down.  Hoisting the book back up into his possession.  “Uh… uh no worries chum!”  Bobby muttered in a frenzy trying to get back to where the spell was.  “We can fix this lickity split!”  Bobby stammered.

Piotr though ran out of the room.  Slowly as his stomach bloomed out under his singlet he had trouble running as he felt lighter and lighter, feeling like he was floating on air with each step as he got into a secret passage into one of the many massive training rooms.  Bobby keeping up as he kept the book with him trying to find the spell again.  Piotr though groaned as he pressed on his stomach.  Feeling it give less like steel and more like a rubber balloon.  Piotr let out of a freaked out yip, realizing his backside was puffing up too along with his back.

“Uh don’t panic, we can fix this before Xavier finds out and no doubt completely murders me for this…”  Bobby stated before closing his eyes.  “Or Scott… or Logan… or Ororo… or…”  “BOBBY!”  Piotr yelled in complete anger refocusing Bobby.  “Oh yeah you uh…”  Bobby stated.

“WELL DO SOMETHING!”  Piotr shouted.  His strong smooth cheeks puffed out, his arms losing their muscle mass as they just became long, smooth, cone like in shape.  Piotr couldn’t move anymore, his arms stuck outright, his legs spread out in the same sort of way as he just started to float in the air.  Despite his growing body.  He looked like a blow up doll version of himself.

“I’m trying!”  Bobby shouted back as he feverishly tried to flip through the book to find the spell that started this mess.  Finally Bobby found a moment’s relief as he found the page with the spell.  Now needing to figure out what to do with only slightly crappy Russian skills to guide him.  “Uh hold on what about this…”  Bobby called out to Piotr before pointing to somehow drive the spell home better.  “Рост быстрее!”

Piotr for a moment groaned and shook his head completely frustrated.  “THAT MEANS GROW FASTER YOU IDIOT!”  Piotr snapped back at Bobby as suddenly his body took the spell’s command and grew out even faster.  The whole mass taking on a more rounded shape as Piotr started cursing and swearing louder and louder in Russian.  The metallic Russian’s body was expanding at a shocking rate as his hands and feet eventually became all that was left of his human shape.  The metallic of his body felt more like rubber as Piotr grew so massive he suddenly felt his chest touch the roof of the enormous room and the floor with his back.

As Bobby double checked things in a feverish hurry now, he suddenly felt cool metal start to rub on the side of his head as he glanced over.  Realizing Piotr has now grown so big space in the room was slowly dwindling.  Finally he came to what he thought was the spell, once again gesturing with a finger point, now though directly on Piotr’s body as he started to push against him.  “Нормальный возврат!”  He shouted.

There was a brief pause before Piotr slowly stopped growing.  His body just making a sound being stuck against the ceiling and floor for a moment in the very quiet room as slowly there came a wheezing sound.  The air began to dissipate from Piotr as he shrunk down.  Losing the metallic sheen off of himself as finally after a moment’s time he was on the ground, huffing and panting as he was back to normal in skin tone and size.  

Feeling his heart slowly stop racing so hard, Bobby sighed in relief as he leaned back on the floor.  Looking over at Piotr being back to normal.  “Oh thank God…”  Bobby breathed in relief.  Though slowly the realization dawned on him.  That Piotr’s imminent murder of him was going to come if he didn’t get out of there.  Slowly Bobby rose back up to his feet.  “So uh…”  Bobby glanced around shifty eyed and tense.  “You know its good to see you back to your old self.  But since you’re good now and certainly don’t need me around I’m just going too..”  Quickly Bobby made a b-line for the only door out of the room.

Just as he did though Piotr was faster on the gun.  Even with completely warped clothes dangling on him with only underwear that was still good.  Piotr was able to get to the console to the room and punching in a lock code preventing Bobby’s escape.  “You’re not going anywhere frosty…”  Piotr breathed through gritted teeth over at the other man in the room.

Skidding to a stop at the metal door Bobby started pounding on it feverishly, clawing at it before realizing the frugality of the situation and spinning around to a steaming mad Piotr.  Bobby meekly held a hand up to try and calm the furious massive Russian.  “Hey come on man… I just made a goof, we all make goofs so you know don’t kill me please!?”  Bobby begged with his hands clamped together.  

Piotr just glared at him, before looking at the book on the ground and calmly picking it up.  “Oh don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you…”  Piotr stated, his tone making it clear he did think about it.  There was a pause before Piotr pointed at Bobby.  “Strip.  I know how much you like that hoodie of yours so I won’t go that far.”  Piotr commanded.

Bobby didn’t need to be asked twice, quickly taking the hoodie off as he started to feel like death might be a mercy move considering what he thought Piotr had planned for him.  “Dude I expect this from Northstar maybe but not you!”  Bobby stuttered out as he also began to take his pants off.  

“Hmm… thats not at all what I’m going for.”  Piotr stated, shaking his head at the stupid man who was about to get his payback.  Piotr went back to the book, flipping through the pages with a sinister grin on his face.  “Oh there we go.  Hmm maybe I can use both… hehe…”  Piotr’s tone was truly evil as he turned his attention back to Bobby, walking over to him casually.  “тех, кто раздражали…”  He said to Bobby in a sing-song voice from the book.  Nothing happened at first.

Bobby slowly began to feel light headed as he had backed away from Piotr up against a wall.  “Okay come on here Piotr lets not go crazy here… I can make you borsch every day!  Give you lots of snow to remind you of your homeland!”

Suddenly though before Bobby could continue to beg for mercy Piotr wind up and unloaded a right straight punch right to Bobby’s head.  Which immediately upon contact caused Bobby’s whole head to flatten against the wall.  Piotr immediately went into a punching frenzy as he punched Bobby’s whole body into a completely flattened state against the wall.  “Oooh that felt good!”  Piotr proclaimed as he cracked his knuckles.  “Nothing like a little workout to workout your frustrations right Bobby?”

“...fucking oww…”  Bobby’s completely 2-D form barely peeled off of the wall.  Not quite in as much pain as he would’ve been normally.  He still didn’t feel that great as his hand came into his view.  Completely flat as Bobby felt weird and freaked out.

Peeling Bobby completely off of the wall, crumbling and scrunching him like a candy wrapper before tossing him aside to the middle of the room.  Where Bobby’s body reformed into a more full normal figure again.  “Oh don’t worry that spell didn’t last long…”  Piotr stated with pride as he glanced back to the book.  “But I’m still not letting you off the hook that easily…”  Piotr grinned again.

As Bobby went back to normal he quickly ran to the console.  Pounding away on it to figure out the pass code to get out before multitasking as he pounded on the metallic wall.  “HELP! SCOTT!  PIOTR HAS ME TRAPPED AND HAS GONE INSANE!  HEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!”  Bobby screamed for all things holy.

“Доведите до нормы давление действительно большой и быстро!”  Piotr called out to Bobby.  “Let’s see how you like your own medicine.”  He said out loud before laughing with fiendish delight.

Bobby continued to feverishly type in codes and bang on the wall until suddenly he stopped, clinching his stomach hard as he suddenly felt his stomach almost forcefully expand. "WHOOOA!" Bobby tumbled over from the force, his arms and legs flailing as his body rapidly started expanding with air itself. His shirt and underwear barely stood a chance until they exploded off of him. His arms and legs quickly became just hands and feet against a massive peach skin colored balloon until they too got sucked into his growing mass. All the while Bobby's head just sunk into the body. Finally finally he grew out huge, his back and stomach touching the floor and ceiling as Bobby swore he could also feel the wall on his right as he pressed against it. "Piotr! Seriously not cool man!" Bobby tried to yell at Piotr, however with cheeks holding air, and his mouth stuck against his own expanded body. It all came out loud and though audible, mumbled.

Piotr laughed, walking up and patting Bobby on his massively bloated body.  “Aw you look okay Bobby.”  Piotr teased, casting a second spell to slow down the first spell.

"Oh god now I know how that one weird kid in Kitty's class with the inflatable powers feels…" Bobby moaned feeling Piotr smacking him with a hollow basketball sound ringing in his head.  Bobby did still feel the growing but now it was much much slower than before. Still it didn't help matters he couldn't move anything, not even his head as his neck was long gone. "Seriously yes haha we've gotten our revenge now haven't we Piotr? Just go ahead and change me back so we can all move on now."

“Well… I guess.”  Piotr admitted a bit disappointed he couldn’t keep going as he pressed his hand against Bobby’s body.  Placing the reversal spell to change Bobby back to normal.

Bobby almost as immediately as he was bloated up beyond anything normal suddenly felt the air disappear from him as he collapsed to the ground with an awkward thud. He was completely naked as he grabbed his tattered shirt and underwear and used them as protection sheepishly. "Okay good great I think I've learned my lesson. Just you know… so long as thats it…" Bobby meekly stated thoroughly and utterly beaten and humiliated.

"That's it, I won't do anymore. Just remember... I have a good memory." Pitor teased. "I'll just hang onto this until Professor X returns." He grabbed some X Men briefs from a drawer and tossed them to Bobby.

Bobby meekly grabbed the briefs out of the air as he quickly threw them on.  Awkwardly grabbing his pants and hoodie that remained safe running out of the room in record time.  Piotr just laughing a little to himself as he stayed behind to clean up.

Later that day…


Later that night. He found Bobby alone in the kitchen. "Hey... The Professor has the book now. We don't have to worry about the spells anymore." He said.

Bobby meekly was munching on the toast as Piotr came into the room. Who immediately got Bobby reacting in a defensive stance before slowly letting his guard down. "So uh… thats good." Bobby stated not sure how to react. "He doesn't know about… all that… does he?"

Piotr chuckled. "Well... I think he knew, I know he tries not to read people's minds but he just cracked a smile when I gave the book to him..." Piotr shrugged. "Sorry if I scared you back there, hard situation to really have a clear head over you know?"

Bobby groaned, it wasn't going to end well, he just KNEW it wasn't going to end well. Quietly taking another bite of toast as he looked over at Piotr. "No I mean you were upset. It's cool. No real harm, no foul." Bobby stated.

"Yeah... looking back it was pretty surreal, I mean, I was metal, but I felt like a balloon!" Piotr laughed.  Bobby even laughed a little himself, "Yeah all that air in there, like I was holding back the biggest fart in history." He joked.

"Oh yeah?" Piotr chuckled, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. "Here I figured... you know... In case we wanted to ever experience it again for some reason... I wrote the spells down."

Bobby blushed as he looked at the paper in Piotr's hand. Quietly contemplating what it meant as he slowly took it from Piotr's hand. "That is a crazy thought Piotr." Bobby tried to say convincingly as he read it. "I mean really why would we want to do that?"

"That's the thing, I read through the book some more, if you think about something, say a raft as you cast it, what you inflate would inflate into that shape." Piotr chuckled. 'I think it would come in handy every once in a while." Piotr walked out into the garden, turning into metal once more.

Bobby nodded, feigning interest in the extra detail as he pocketed the note and watched Piotr leave.  Bobby glanced around the room as he finished his toast. Finally he left, catching up with Piotr in secret. Giggling to himself as clearly he never learns his lessons. "Металлиц воздуха…"

Piotr smirked. His metal body shining brightly as Bobby cast the spell.  Piotr grew and stretched, flopping on his back as a  metallic rubber raft. His muscles and the like made bumps on the floor of him. He chuckled. "Wow it worked!" He laughed. "Wanna try me out Bobby?"