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bloop!

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 20, 2015, 2:51 PM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



Hope everyone is having a good spring so far =) (Smile)

Apologies for the long hiatus, a lot in my life had happened but i am so relieved that the dark depression has lifted, and i can finally start enjoying life again despite a few hiccups here and there.

On Facebook news: i had to deactivate my personal account for serious reasons, so the page tied to it got deactivated too. If anyone knows a way around it I'd be deeply grateful as i still want to keep my art page up and going (even though I'm really upset as a heck of a lot of my art and poetry have been solely on my Facebook - if i just have to never go back to keep myself safe and start a fresh). In hindsight i should have done a lot of things differently, possibly have made two accounts, has anyone else ever had this sort of issue here that run their own artwork pages?

Super excited for conventions this year! and feeling hyped about life in general. And seeing friends artwork since coming back, it's made me both nostalgic and overwhelmed with how far everyone has come, and proud for them. And hearing how their lives have changed.

{{warm hugs}}
here's to a new year =) (Smile) <3

  • Listening to: Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts
  • Watching: My Little Pony: FIM (Whhhy?)
  • Drinking: Teh life force: black coffee

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Sat Aug 18, 2012, 6:16 AM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



Had such a wonderful past few months, and i'm starting to get back to the real world again. I went to AmeCon this august and it's refueled my dorky happy hyper *i want to draw*ness. One of my biggest dreams have always to be able to attend an artist alley, sit down with other artists, sketch, laugh, and just have fun. So i think i'll be aiming for that for amecon 2014, eek.

It just feels so strange to actually feel alive again, depression has lifted, anxiety still there but i'm dealing. Been so thankful for the support from the center i attended, it's pretty much saved my life.

  • Listening to: Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts
  • Watching: My Little Pony: FIM (Whhhy?)
  • Drinking: Teh life force: black coffee

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 6, 2012, 6:41 AM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



I fell off the edge of the world, apparently.

Was in hospital till 2 days before Christmas, and had to do everything in 2 days, nightmare! Hope everyone has had a great holiday season and a happy new year ^^

Restarting attending my art groups soon, and once my hand heals up I'll be working on getting back into digital art (will probably give it a go today). Ahh missed it. Will be leaving this short and sweet. Hope everyone is doing well, eek feeling a little over whelmed with 10k deviation updates xD everyone's been busy bee's xD looking forward to looking through though =)

  • Watching: Vampire Knight on dvd =) (thank you matt!)
  • Playing: Star Wars The Old Republic.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 21, 2011, 3:31 AM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



New start and hectic changes.



It's been a strange year. I never thought last year i'd be in my own place by now, nor even attending groups. I moved out around the start of June, and i've had a few ups and down, well, crashes. But right now i feel thankful that i was allowed this change.

I have a gorgeous new kitty who was adopted from my cousins, they couldn't take care of her and so they kind of knocked on the door, handed us the cat, and went (we didn't even know if i was allowed a cat, and i couldn't really say no - but you know what, the flat wouldn't be the same without the hyper & at times frustrating kitten of doom :p). Her name is Lulu (prenamed xD but it's finally grown on me =) When she curls up with you or on your lap, she always lies in such a way that her two comma marks on her side, they merge and form a heart, always thought that was adorable.

Anyways, started to attend art groups around the area to help in recovery, and another group specific.. Most of the art i have been doing isn't really shareable, they're just random paintings in my sketch pad. I might just upload them to the sketch pad section. Hoping to try and get back into digital art again too.

Dance for the Sky - Restarted



I was so frustrated, went onto my site and then found out that due to an XML exploit that my site was taken down and content removed. Reinstalled wordpress, but pretty much lost everything. And haven't really had the heart to get it up and running yet. I am trying, and it will get there, just arg i can't believe i forgot to check up on updates (was christmas and i wasn't really focusing on that side of things). I guess that means though, that now i have to make up for the loss and focus on working on more positive things to put up there =) and here also. Moral of the story, back everything up, and update often.

Hope everyone is well =) will try and catch up.

  • Reading: The Meaning of Matthew
  • Playing: Minecraft
  • Drinking: Dissolvable Paracetomal (ick..)

100 Themes Challenge

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 9, 2011, 5:27 AM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



Variation #5 of
:icon100themeschallenge:

1. Chores
2. Happy
3. Life
4. Relationship
5. Play
6. Toy
7. Video Game
8. Computer
9. Famous
10. Emotion
11. Run
12. Fear
13. Gamble
14. Christmas
15. Animal
16. Wild
17. Morning
18. Loneliness
19. Friend
20. Pet
21. Grow
22. Japan
23. Britian
24. World
25. America
26. Flag
27. Cigarrette
28. Man
29. Earth
30. Boredom
31. Sweet
32. Smile
33. Pray
34. God
35. Love
36. Hold
37. Hug
38. Wings
39. Wrong
40. Right
41. Tears
42. Hope
43. Night
44. Star
45. Courage
46. Police
47. Ice Cream
48. Pup
49. Ireland
50. Jungle
51. Plains
52. City
53. Farm
54. Horse
55. Woman
56. Mother
57. Father
58. Grandparents
59. Mad
60. School
61. Freedom
62. Eagle
63. Falling
64. Dream
65. Reality
66. Purple
67. Blue
68. Red
69. Pink
70. Rainbow
71. Rain
72. Snow
73. Park
74. Fall
75. Lake
76. Ocean
77. Under
78. Pay
79. Adulthood
80. Teenager
81. Capital
82. Contentment
83. Numbers
84. Space
85. West
86. East
87. Tropical
88. Wind
89. Fly
90. Tree
91. Ka Ching
92. Chengosam
93. Kimono
94. Tradition
95. Vulnerable
96. Forever
97. Heaven
98. Warm
99. Cold
100. Heart

  • Listening to: Lady Antebellum - Need you now
  • Playing: Titan Quest
  • Drinking: Coffee :heart:

Click to add title

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 9, 2011, 5:27 AM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



Depression and art block caught up with me again..
A lot going on right now irl, and i'm trying my best not to drown.
Bright side, i may be leaving home soon, a new place and new start.

I've been trying to get new things up for Etsy but i just can't seem to be happy with anything i do atm, it's frustrating. But it's nice to just be able to sit back sometimes, and browse around and enjoy artwork that others have done. Finding that more relaxing atm and enjoyable than anything from myself. Therapy is ending in a few weeks time, i guess that's why a part of me is a little low atm, I'm terrible with goodbyes. But it's a new start, a new path, a new journey, it's how i need to see it.

Will aim to at least get some sketches done this week, i can't just allow depression and things to swallow me alive.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 16, 2010, 1:59 PM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



Thank you for making me feel alive, thank you.

I am choked up.
And i have no words.

This is all i can say.
Thank you.

I will keep pushing forward. I will get better, emotionally, physically, art wise, expressing myself, idk, as a whole. Thank you for the love and support. I can't even begin to express how much it's meant to me.

Funny how, this being the most.... hm... "month of change" and stress, has also been the month of most emotional and art realted change. So glad i can draw again, Eff you anxiety and depression! you can rot in the darkest dungeons of earth. It is so weird, not feeling the dark heavy cloud in my chest.

Granted i still feel and struggle with sucidal bouts, and my eating disorder and anxiety disorder, but you know. I am going to beat them, i am going to face them down and stand my ground, i will get better and that is a promise. I am tired of giving into their words and their lies.

In a way i am curious how this year will end, and where things will change. Been meeting with a social worker, possibly moving out and having my own space, if so expect a ruck ton of art from me/more hours put in. Less hours worrying about my family anmd interactions with them/arguments/ stress/etcetc. I can't wait. But i am so scared, i have no idea how i'll be able to pay for it. To stay at home, and end up dying due to stress or suicide, or to risk it and move out and to not afford it and end up........ shush! you can't predict the future gem, stop it.

I will beat this. Somehow. And be eventually, many years downt he line, a kick arse artist. That is what i am living for, the chance to express myself and have fun through art. Thats what i need to fight for and focus on right? thank you everyone for giving me the fighting spirit back. I love you all.

  • Listening to: Eminem - Going through Changes
  • Drinking: Coffee :heart:

Back!

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 19, 2010, 2:34 PM

My Etsy | ATCs For All | Dance for the Sky



The weird one comes back from the den in which she lurks

I guess it took a while, but i haven't felt this 'okay' in a very long while. I'm doing much better and can finally draw again, and have even been getting into making Artist Trading Cards, little 3.5'' x 2.5'' cards which you trade with other artists. It has been wonderful and i feel so happy and blessed that others wanted to trade. Can't explain the squee feeling ^^

I am trying to slowly get back into digital art along with improving my traditional skills, and seeing where i end up n this muddle ^^; OH! anyone from England, WHSmiths is having a back to school sale, i nabbed some pretty nifty pads of watercolour paper reduced =) haven't worked it out yet but from my prior pad i had over 100 ATC worth of sheeting (still working through using them! hehe). So this'll last me some considerable time =) Just, this time i think... i will premark which side was originally up in the pad.. i can't seem to tell the "right from wrong side", there does seem to be a difference... but not visibily before you paint, ack!

I am so thankful that i accidentally ran into the idea of ATCs, i saw an ebook about them and was curious so i read up about them. If i didn't find ATCsforall i don't think i'd have pulled myself out of this past depressive slump, art and everyones positivity has given me so much support and i couldn't be more grateful.

If anyone would like to trade with me, my username is Resilent over there. Will be more than happy to =)

I still need to get a start on the writers bureau things too, eeek! i have so much to do but for the first time in years, i feel alive. And thats a strange thing to be able to say. Living hurts, emotions hurt a heck of a lot, and at times i'm still not coping well, but i'd rather this than what it was.

It'll all work out in the end i'm sure =) I just need to stop spreading myself out so much, finally got access databases and VBA coding i was working on finished, and it feels like i'm all over the place trying to keep up. Brothers djing designs, crafts to create for my etsy. AHH! But i am happy =)

~ Gemma

  • Listening to: Eminem - Going through Changes
  • Drinking: Coffee :heart:

i live?

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 12, 2009, 3:18 AM
I'm still here,
i think I've made it out alive and intact this time.
I hate depression, i hate what it does,
i hate what it takes and what it leaves you with.

Working on getting life on track, working on starting to draw again. Starting to write again.

I'm terrified, i never want to feel that low again.
I thought i passed it for good.
Not being able to even read, or think.
So relieved I'm above the water for now.

So much i need to get done.
Damn.

  • Listening to: Eminem - beautiful &amp; Linkin Park - Numb
  • Drinking: Coffee :heart:

I can has cookie? NOM NOM.

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 23, 2008, 2:25 AM

:heart:


Journal Entry


You know what feels great? Realising that even though you've messed up a lot of things, and you have no idea where you stand with work, nor even future (the feeling of standing above a black hole where your future and dreams should be is *wonderful*), when one thing goes right you end up smiling like a fool. And yus, i'm smiling xD

Resilent Studios is back, so so relieved. So one i organise my work again, i'll be starting up my site in a better way. New layout, new things, etc. I need to fix this journal too, had ideas for it but then a lot of things happened and i just stopped working on learning/playing around with CSS.

Challenges

I have decided to start up the 365 day challenge, along with the 100 theme challenge that i've already started. I just need to figure out how to sort it so i can upload everything to dA maybe without spamming ^^; Basically, for the 365 challenge i'm allowing myself to have an art splurge of doodles on a theme, then i'll pick one or so to finish. So i'll probably upload the finished and a full page of doodles, will see.

Requests / Trades

Requests and trades are open as always, just drop me a note or an email =) Really needing a fun challenge at the moment. Thinking about doing the 100 themes to try and see what comes from it - after not drawing the way i normally do for a long while it feels like i've gotten hideously rusty :( even though i love vectors to death, and some of the things i did for college.. i just miss how i used to do things, oddly.

Have a great day everyone :heart:

Links


:bulletpurple: Resilent Studios
:bulletpurple: To Be Continued
  • Listening to: Counting crows - Colorblind
  • Reading: This Book Will Save Your Life: A. M. Homes
  • Drinking: Coffee :heart:

Update: Impending Doom.

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 16, 2008, 8:52 AM

:heart:


Journal Entry

Ever notice how bad news is just like a bus service?
Either it's seriously miss timed, or you get a lot all at once.

This year is seriously the worst in my life.
When you think you've hit rock bottom, that's a lie, trust me it's a lie.
There's always a layer of filth under that which you will eventually fall through.
Positivity is oozing right now. Right.

On top of my many recent failures and screw ups resulting in hospitalisation, it all my domain has expired too, so if anyone needs to reach me please contact via messengers or:

gemstarmew@yahoo.co.uk

woot for old email addresses..

I hope i can get it back, my hosting and domain i mean, waiting for an email from my college (which i'm probably being kicked from now for being so crap and apparantly inable to recover from SAD).

Please excuse me while i find a nice wide open area to scream my lungs out in.. damn i wish there was such a place. =_= Thing it'd help to be loud for once in my life, everything feels so pent up and i'm tired of crying.

Need to pull things back, and fix life, otherwise i'll easily end up in hospital again.

Links


:bulletpurple: Resilent Studios
:bulletpurple: To Be Continued
  • Listening to: 306 - Emilie Autumn
  • Eating: Nadda
  • Drinking: Coffee

Change is a comin'

Mon Jan 7, 2008, 5:31 PM
Testing out what various CSS does to a blog, anything on this journal at time of writing won't be permanent. Just having a poke around and refreshing/learning new things about css. Spiffy that dA lets you change your journal layouts =) :heart:

* New Laptop = I should actually be able to draw again (missed photoshop and all else like mad) It's got a coloured shell too! ^^ and no, not pink! ..... {okay, well it's an off shade of pink.. red almost.. *ahem* i can't help the pink addiction atm :p}

* New "My Journey" Blog
I'm starting up a daily doodle blog, with sketches, WIP's, ideas and final pieces. The final finals will be uploaded here all the same but i'm really hoping to start venturing into the world of "Gemma finds her style and herself again". No backpack sadly, although i have been on quite a few trips recently. Photos from Cardiff, and New York, will be adding some from Barcelona and Prague with luck, thought i already uploaded the Prague photos.. i guess not.

:bulletpurple:My Flickr
:bulletpurple:Daily Blog Link

Hope everyone is having a great day <3

Links

:bulletpurple: Resilent Studios
:bulletpurple: To Be Continued
  • Listening to: Random songs on my dying ipod :(

Calling 16-24 year olds + crits

Mon Dec 3, 2007, 5:05 AM
Version Wintersbite

:star: Have a good day! :star:


Entry:


The durex contest is open, normally i stay away from things that are adult in nature with my art but we were given the task to enter the contest and it is a really good cause. So i've decided to urge everyone to sign up to the contest and play your votes on the posters there, they want your vote ^^

www.durexhibit.co.uk
So place your views and votes.

I have entered already but not 100% happy with it, crits and things are welcome and deeply loved <3
www.durexhibit.co.uk/portfolio…

I really need to start drawing again, vector things are fun it's just.. i miss being able to use open canvas, oekaki boards etc. Been stuck in a major art block recently, so hoping to break it soon.

Hope eveyone is having a super amazing december,
- Gem*

Links

:bulletpurple: Resilent Studios
:bulletpurple: To Be Continued
  • Listening to: Random songs on my dying ipod :(

Devious Journal Entry

Thu Nov 8, 2007, 5:18 PM
Version Wintersbite

:star: Have a good day! :star:


Entry:


I'm back! ^^

So much has changed over the past year, been taken into a forced break pretty much from doodling. But with better time management (ehh.. my downfall) I'll be drawing a lot more, and starting up my daily doodle again =)

Hows everyone been doing?
Can't believe it's nearly 08 >_> ahhhh.. years.. go.. too.. quickly.. /cowers.

Someone please invent a time machine! <3

~ Gem*

Links

:bulletpurple: Resilent Studios
:bulletpurple: To Be Continued

Summers in the air

Fri Jul 7, 2006, 6:55 PM
Version Wintersbite

:star: Have a good day! :star:


Entry:


Woahly o.o Go-Gaia.. err.. gaiaonline? has changed so much since i last visted, awwh and they stopped the jeans + tutu combo :< my favourite set for my char. Evil. My username is resilent over there as always :)

No conventions this year, maybe another year, i'll aim for somethng fun anyways. Guess i do kind of need some sort of goals at the moment instead of feeling like i'm looking into a black pit of nothingness. Better to chase the light than to sink into the darkness.. right?

Currently learning dutch for some really.. really odd reason, in a way one of my dreams was to learn all known languages in the world but that's nearly impossible. Guess one day i dream that language itself wouldn't be a barrier, and at least learning dutch i'd understand some of my friends better (kind of depressing when they start a convo in dutch on voice com and you can't understand any of it).  So trying hard for that.

Request Status:

* Requests - Open
* Trades - Open
* Commissions - err.. open? kinda. maybe. hugs counted as payment? >_>

Animes currently watching:

* Naruto
* Bleach
* Fruit baskets

Working on a journal layout set :) sorry for any flooding, will try my best not to :o

Links

:bulletpurple: Resilent Studios
:bulletpurple: To Be Continued
I swear i've lost nearly a year to nothingness O.o this is creepy. Anyways, sorry for not being around or keeping up with things - recently things haven't been that great and i took a gap year out of uni to get things back on track. Worrying thing is.. i've yet to actually get things back on track.. but i will.. and i believe that :x

My 21st went fine, was quiet but i had fun. Actually missing uni now which is weird.. In a way i've been having fun though, probably shouldn't be but eh ^^; practising and learning on your own time and learning your own boundaries has taught me more than some past lessons in uni anyways.

Better end this entry before i freeze to death (eiiiii! it's cold!) i'll edit later ^^;

~ Gem*

I want to grasp the snowflakes

Fri Sep 23, 2005, 1:20 PM
Version Wintersbite

:star: Have a good day! :star:


Entry:


Autumn chill is setting in, the leaves dancing with the wind, and the bleary eyes awaken to the fog covered hills.

Hi all ^^

Wow it feels like forever since i've been here last :o the summers been fine, nothing really that eventful ^^; also yay! i passed java *backflips and sommersaults* my family were on holiday when i had the exam so i missed out on holidays but i don't mind :)

Winters chill is setting in, and so is uni. So i'll probably be drawing alot more too ^^; (yay for stress induced doodles). Hope everyone has been doing great and i'll catch up as soon as i can ^^ And as you can tell by the new doodle of kara.. i stil can't draw xD but eh :)

Have fun,

~ Gem*

Links

:bulletpurple: Resilent Studios
:bulletpurple: Immune

The sun will shine through, one day.

Tue May 17, 2005, 4:09 AM
Chibi Kara playing her guitare

:star: Have a good day! :star:


Entry:


I'm back :D!

Things haven't gone as well as i'd hope, but i guess it's out of my hands now :o we'll see what happens. I guess what's done is done.

Anyways, ack so much catching up to do :o hope everyone has been well, yay i can now spam you all with love, affection, and doodles :D <3

some reason now i am singing along (in my mind xD) with "raspberry heaven" from azumanga daioh xD and it isn't even on :o Starting to plan next years conventions and things (not going to any this year, so it'll give me a chance to make a costume and things). Wish the AmeCon website were updated as they said they would so that i know there is actually a convention next year xD i've already reserved a spot before the end of the last one :o

Redesigning my website, and hopefully tonns of doodles and the like ^^

anyways, happy to be back :D <3 *goes to pounce on everyone* muwahh ^^

~ Gem*

Links

:bulletpurple: My Website
:bulletpurple: can't think of anymore links ._.
  • Listening to: Raspberry Heaven

Devious Journal Entry

Sun Apr 3, 2005, 5:42 AM
Chibi Kara playing her guitare

:star: Have a good day! :star:


Entry:


You know the drill D:

well, packing up my "bags" and having a long away time ;-; joyeous. I need to try and stay away from net activities until my uni work is in the clear otherwise i'm going to make things to go from bad to worse.

roughly 3 weeks of uni left this year, 3.5 assignments to do (which is actually alot to do in 3 weeks saying that we had about ... 12? ... yeah.. see my point :/

thing is everythig is inspiring me, so much i WANT to do, new website to design, new pictures to doodle, an addictivly amazing game to play and i'm stuck designing a buisness type system, java stuff.. more buisness like, and a flash game (that'd be fun sort of.. but.. probably not when i start getting frustrated with it xD)

so, have fun everyone :) will come back with snuggles, pounces, and a heck of alot of comments and pokes :D and also waves :3 and what not in my bag of randomness.

holy moly it's 12pm already o_o;;; *runs*

Links

:bulletpurple: My Website
:bulletpurple: can't think of anymore links ._.

We're on the move :D

Mon Mar 14, 2005, 4:12 AM
Chibi Kara playing her guitare

:star: Have a good day! :star:


Entry:


Whee :D

i finally took the plunge and have started moving my website, i feel really badly because personalsites.org were super amazing! and i'll continue to refer people over there xD i've moved over to gushi systems hosting <3 and it's perfect. (if you do join feel free to say gemstarmew sent you xD muwahh)

so i'm happy to announce my new domain:

www.resilentstudios.com

hopefully all this movement will kick start me into actually using my website xD new layout is planned, i'm going to try and get all coursework out fot he way so i can have a play around with it :D

I've decided to carry on at neopets, and probably carry on doodling for petpages and such xD so much going on at the moment, kind of feeling lost and confused o_o; but maybe that's normal xD

Have a good day.
~ Gem*

Links

:bulletpurple: My Website
:bulletpurple: can't think of anymore links ._.