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She should have known when I would not be weaned.

She should have known when I hid from the sun, when I layered black film over my eyes to keep away the pain. She should have known when I swallowed my peas like pills, quick-quick-quick down the back of the throat and washed down with juice and begging myself not to vomit. She should have known when I fussed and cried at the touch of wool.

She should have known when I walked on cat’s-paw toes and dangled my hands like a raptor. She should have known when I walked on fences, walked on curbs, walked inside the lines of cracks and tiles and coloured floors. She should have known when I learned to read, three years old, with some twenty minutes’ teaching. She should have known when I forgot how to speak.

She should have known when I always obeyed her, always kept to the rules. (The doctors should have known what it meant when she asked them.)

She should have known, should have told me, before the fear became insurmountable; before the killing cloud wrapped its chains around my heart.

She never did. She never knew. She never will.
Written for the Souljournalists challenge 2018, week 2, day... uh... 1 (Mental Health), 2/3 (any health topic), or 5 (Relationships), I guess. As I suspected, I'm definitely not doing one a day for this. Might still be able to make one a week, though.

Wordcount: 201
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:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
I love how you presented this. There is a lot being said, and you have to be careful to not miss anything...in a good way.

Well written! :heart:
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:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2018   Writer
Thank you! It's tricky, framing these things as more than just anecdotes. Partly the reason I've only managed two so far, rather than writing something each day. ;)
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:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
:) It seems you are still up to the challenge though.

:heart:
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:iconteague-drydan:
Teague-Drydan Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2018  Student Writer
I totally read the first line wrong. Puts a different spin on things o.0

Nicely written, but I'm not quite sure what's being referred to here?
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:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2018   Writer
It appears I have a neurodevelopmental condition. My life would probably have been easier if I'd known about it earlier. I am frustrated that the signs were missed.

How did you read the first line initially?
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:iconteague-drydan:
Teague-Drydan Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2018  Student Writer
That could be frustrating :(
Not quite on the same level, but I was born with a port wine stain birthmark & not enough information was available when I was child, so treatment options are limited to purely control & not eradication, while my little sister was born without a thyroid(It was caught within days of her birth) & has received the best treatment we could afford.

I didn't catch the "not," which confused me a little, but I kept going.
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:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2018   Writer
I can see how that would be frustrating!

And yeah, I can see how that would confuse you.
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:iconteague-drydan:
Teague-Drydan Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2018  Student Writer
Yup yup. I figured it out, tho :D
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:iconnamelessshe:
NamelessShe Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2018
Beautifully done. :heart: 
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:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2018   Writer
Thank you. Heart
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June 12, 2018
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