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Final Prayer

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By GDeyke   |   Watch
3 16 120 (1 Today)
Published: July 10, 2018
The geese have been nattering on for hours now. They show no signs of stopping.

The fox orders a seventh Venti Orange Nutmeg Mocha Frappuccino avec Crème, checks his watch, and strikes up a game of chess with the barista. He’s beginning to regret his act of mercy.

How long can one final prayer take?
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© 2018 - 2019 GDeyke
Written for Flash Fiction Month 2018, day 10, challenge 5: write a story set in a coffee shop which includes a fairy tale character and an element of anthropomorphism. This year I'm also fulfilling a challenge by an anonymous contributor - every character must be queer (or, as I am interpreting it here, no character is shown to be allocishet) - as well as one by Teague-Drydan: At least half of the month needs to be fairy tale re-writes. Bonus if they aren't well known fairy tales. Fairy tale count: 5/16.

Thanks to DamonWakes for the unwieldily-named beverage.

This is a retelling of sorts of "The Fox and the Geese".

The rest of today's stories can be found here.

Wordcount: 55.

If you've enjoyed this story, you may be interested in the collection of all my FFM stories this year: Beyond Dreams. You may also enjoy my FFM collections from the previous four years: Borrowed Strength, Ephemeron, Palalgia, and Changeling.
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Comments16
anonymous's avatar
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squanpie's avatar
squanpieHobbyist Traditional Artist
:giggle: I'd also wondered what the drink was for. That fox has some fancy tastes!
I'm enjoying the variety of tales you've found for these. Much respect for the time/research you've got to do though!
GDeyke's avatar
GDeyke Writer
It's fun research, and having an excuse to read fairy tales is great, but between having extra criteria and not having very much time I'm glad to have some well-known ones to fall back on.

:nod: He's a very fancy fox.
Teague-Drydan's avatar
Teague-DrydanHobbyist Writer
side note: I love Surlalune for fairy tales. :D

I wonder what sins the geese have committed that it takes so long to list them out?
GDeyke's avatar
GDeyke Writer
I'll make a note of that. :D

If I know geese, it probably involved a lot of hissing and biting at people.
Teague-Drydan's avatar
Teague-DrydanHobbyist Writer
hmm... true that.
ilyilaice's avatar
Whoa, I was just wondering in the chat whether anyone has tried to do a 55-word challenge. Now someone has for sure.

I need to get me that drink!
GDeyke's avatar
GDeyke Writer
Honestly, the only reason I went for a 55er yesterday was because I absolutely could not deal with anything more or better. This is my stop-giving-a-fuck-and-just-slam-out-the-only-idea-I-have-in-as-few-words-as-are-allowed story. It's barely even an idea. But hey, whatever works, right?

It does sound good, doesn't it.
ilyilaice's avatar
It still works. I do hope things have turned for the better since then!
GDeyke's avatar
GDeyke Writer
I'm very glad of that. And thank you. :heart:
NamelessShe's avatar
That drink sounds complex and delicious. Also this was excellent. 
GDeyke's avatar
GDeyke Writer
I'm glad you liked this. It's one of my own least-favourites so far - it was a rough day and I really wasn't feeling it - so it's reassuring to hear it comes over well. :)

I should credit DamonWakes for coming up with the drink. I have honestly not had enough experience with coffee shops to come up with a plausible fancy coffee drink name on my own.
DamonWakes's avatar
DamonWakesProfessional Writer
I should mention that I stole the idea for the drink from Zoolander, in which the male models drink Orange Mocha Frappuccinos.
DamonWakes's avatar
DamonWakesProfessional Writer
I was wondering what you'd do with this challenge (and the unwieldily-named beverage). I didn't entirely get this until reading the original fairy tale, but at the same time it was much what I'd expected so this one doesn't seem too reliant on the other.
GDeyke's avatar
GDeyke Writer
Balancing independence from the original with putting an original spin on it is proving to be the hardest part of this fairy tale challenge by far, especially when going for ones that aren't well-known. I can't expect my audience to know it, but I don't want to just retell it straight either - nor do I want the connection to be so flimsy that it's more of an inspiration than a rewrite. It's tricky!

Thanks again for the unwieldily-named beverage: this wouldn't be the same without it.
DamonWakes's avatar
DamonWakesProfessional Writer
I think given that a retelling is specifically what's asked for and that it's preferable for the tales not to be well known, you could probably get quite a bit of just retelling and leaving it at that. The fact that your other challenge asks for every character to be queer could also be just enough of a twist to make these original even if you were essentially retelling them straight.
GDeyke's avatar
GDeyke Writer
Yeah, I'm kind of leaning towards that in general. Though the queer challenge actually throws in another loop: since the style of fairy tales precludes including extraneous details, it's both easier - in that way, at least - and makes for a better story if the queerness was always kind of hiding in there all along. I mean, there's no shortage of fairy tales in which people get married, so a gender-swap can more or less accomplish that easily enough, but there's probably a limit to how often I can pull that trick before it gets old.

Unfortunately, that makes the selection process for fairy tales to retell a good deal harder.
anonymous's avatar
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