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About Literature / Student Rob JMale/United Kingdom Groups :iconlink-x-pit: Link-x-Pit
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My new Toy by Gargravarr2112 My new Toy :icongargravarr2112:Gargravarr2112 1 7
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Yuuki's Song - Chapter 1 :icongargravarr2112:Gargravarr2112 2 1
Literature
Yuuki's Song - Prologue
  “RUN!”
  The word echoed through his ears, so fierce they crumpled instinctively against his head. Sandy blonde hair flew as he heeded the command, his strong legs launching him on a course to anywhere else.
  He fled.
  Behind him, they watched. He felt their eyes.
  The Inus.
  He was fast. If they tried to chase him now, he was far in the lead. He would reach the shed in seconds.
  For his speed, he was sure in his footing as well. His feet fell perfectly between the rows of seedlings, never once losing grip, nor speed, as he raced across the wide field.
  Why now?
  The question burned in his mind.
  Why couldn’t they leave us alone? We just want to live!
  But here they were.
  Some foresaw their arrival. He knew… that’s why he didn’t put me on the fields today… Uncle, I won’t stop running. They won’t catch me.
  The c
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Commission for Asian-Neko by Next--LVL
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Commission for Asian-Neko :iconnext--lvl:Next--LVL 170 37
don't panic by Bihve don't panic :iconbihve:Bihve 99 4 The Dark Side of the Triforce by killddianette The Dark Side of the Triforce :iconkillddianette:killddianette 31 5 Speed MANGA CLEANING - ENG tut by i-Lock Speed MANGA CLEANING - ENG tut :iconi-lock:i-Lock 151 20 All Loveless by Dr-Lind All Loveless :icondr-lind:Dr-Lind 64 7 Is this love by Bihve Is this love :iconbihve:Bihve 268 12 nervous by Bihve nervous :iconbihve:Bihve 225 13 Hold my hand by Bihve Hold my hand :iconbihve:Bihve 219 5 comfort by Bihve comfort :iconbihve:Bihve 295 13 Loveless - Zero by macarena Loveless - Zero :iconmacarena:macarena 89 13 light x dark by ineedsomecake light x dark :iconineedsomecake:ineedsomecake 482 164 Palutena Catgirl by Suktar
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Kid Icarus Uprising by Lo-wah Kid Icarus Uprising :iconlo-wah:Lo-wah 2,176 112

Activity


Starting again (kinda)

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 5, 2013, 5:31 PM
It's been nearly six months since my last journal. That is an unnerving amount of time, made worse by what I've been through since then.

Not long after I passed my probation period at work (sometime early November last year), in fact I think it was the very next week, I began having anxiety attacks - periods of extreme tension that are almost impossible to get away from. I had them going to bed every night from Monday to Friday, getting progressively worse, until I had a panic attack at work. Scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life. A panic attack triggers your fight-or-flight response, but it's not in response to anything physical. Instead, it's something you can't fight, or run away from. That means it is utterly terrifying.

For me, it was sitting at my desk and thinking, 'Welcome to the rest of your life.' I hated the job. I didn't want to actually stay there, but my more rational side said, 'stick it three years and build up some money.' So I was going to, but I didn't last three months in that job, in all fairness. As soon as I passed my probation, ironically, I wanted out.

The job was really getting me down. The fact that it was over winter made it even worse; I began and ended my day in darkness, seeing sunlight only through windows. I had no time or energy to live during the week; I had three hours to myself every day. My commute was dragging me down, since it wasn't 1h40 in a straight line, but a car, then a train, then the Underground. Each was just long enough to get settled into something right as I reached my stop. Expensive, too, costing me over £300 in train fares and petrol.

The work wasn't particularly good, either. I don't cope well with stress, or the 'need this right this second!' attitude required by business. Where I was working life had two settings - that, or 'absolutely nothing to do.' For the entirety of December, it was stuck on the latter. I had no work to do, but had to commute in 4 days a week to spend my day doing nothing in an office in a horrible part of London. The work I did do conflicts with my personality, because fundamentally I build things that last. I was creating and tearing down things, making them repeatable and unbelievably dull. I didn't feel like I was contributing to anything useful. I was up to my eyes in trivial, stupid little programming errors that just seemed pointless. And I really hate the idea of business, making money through products... I think I managed to disagree with every aspect of the job! Except the other people; they were a good laugh.

The important thing is, I resigned. I honestly could not stick it any longer. During December, I fell into a very deep, dark depression. About the only thing that saved me was getting away from everything - I flew to America to visit one of my dA friends. It was my first ever taste of America and I really enjoyed it. I'm still battling demons in the shape of 'making something of my life' but I did a lot of thinking.

Surprisingly for anyone who knows me, I've become disillusioned with the idea of working in I.T. I really can't deal with it. My office was extremely Dilbert-esque, with silly rules and roadblocks everywhere. I was a tiny cog in a global machine, and uniqueness is frowned upon in the IT field - what you do must be repeatable by others. Over time, that got too much to take, I was in danger of becoming a drone. I wouldn't have been able to live like that. Added to, I was deep into Wesley Gibson's infamous novel 'Neuromancer.' Although he is an amazing writer, Gibson's portrayal of a possible high-tech future is unbelievably bleak and cold. For someone like me, believing that technology is the future, such a thing is hard to take; I couldn't bring myself to finish the story. It's not something I really want to be a part of.

So, against all odds, I've decided to change my career completely and become... a teacher! Yeah, read that a few times, it does say 'teacher'! See, I came to the realisation a long time ago that life is too short to do things I hate. With this job I've not long left, I've established that I hate: offices, commuting, IT in business, London, long hours and above all, an unrewarding job. I've got to have *a* job, there's no getting around that, so it's got to be something I enjoy. Since I like building things, I like the idea of building *people*. Teaching would be a career where I would instantly see where my effort is going. I'd be working with other people in a way unlike my office job, where 90% of all communication was over Skype chat even when we were sat next to each other (open-plan offices make for very poor conversation environments). I've been warned about what I'm getting into, but I know. I was a real problem child back in school, so I know all about it! ^^;

I wanted to play to my strengths and go into teaching English, specifically Literature, since I've gotten a whole new understanding of literary techniques since I left school and I really enjoy writing. However, I've been told that I'd need higher-education qualifications in English, and the field would be highly competitive. Instead, I'm going to use what I have - I'm going to train to become a Computer Science teacher. The curriculum in the UK is shifting, with many organisations calling for IT in schools to emphasis writing programs instead of merely using them - I was forced to do the International Baccalaureate instead of A-Levels because the A-Level computing course was just advanced use of Office and such! IB Computer Science had me writing my own programs, infinitely more enjoyable. So, if this emphasis rolls out to more schools, I could live with that. The days wouldn't be any shorter, in fact they could be an hour longer, but I want to work far away from London, ideally in the same town so my commute is 30 minutes or less. I want the energy I expend during the day to be doing something useful, not being lost amongst the tempest of work required in creating a product.

Currently, I'm out in France. My mother is almost divorced and is engaged to a very nice man who lives out here. She's moved out here permanently, and I'm staying for a couple of months to recover from my job. It sounds stupid, but I needed it. Mental and psychological stuff does damage that has to heal. At the end of last year, I was struggling to see any point in life if it involved being an office drone. Out here, however, the manic life of the London commute is almost forgotten. Life out here is extremely laid back and calm. True, I can barely get anything done, but that's fine for now. I'm catching up on lost time, doing the living I missed out on for five months (I left mid-January). While I've been out here, I've been fixing cars and writing - my goal is to get a stable job as a teacher, and write part-time, hopefully get my big break in literature and become an author. Teaching would be the day job, but an enjoyable one.

Oh, and I mentioned cars - sadly, my precious little Fiesta did get written off. I got £600 and the car back, un-roadworthy, requiring a lot of repairs. The money went towards my new car, the Ford Puma I mentioned in my last Journal - I found one in beautiful condition, a special-edition one with nice alloys and leather interior for an absurd £995. Granted, a few months later, I had to have £900 worth of work done on it... But anyway, I have a car again. The Puma was instantly named 'Wildcat' because it's a beautifully sporty little car, although its interior space is pathetic and both my friends need crowbars to get into it! It's great fun to drive though, and I've been racing around northern France a fair bit. Unfortunately I need to get my career moving soon, my insurance expires this month and they won't insure me again until I've got a job because of my age! Shortly before I came out here, though, I was forced to get rid of the Fiesta. Even though the damage was repairable, I didn't have the money. I felt really bad selling it to a breaker's for parts. It didn't deserve that; that car saw me through the most important period in my life, leaving the nest. I learned to drive in it, it gave me freedom, it gave me something to work on to keep it running... and as a final lesson, it taught me that nothing lasts forever. Despite it being ready to go whenever I sat in and turned the key, even this incredibly reliable little car had to go some day. Very sad. I'll miss it, even having Wildcat now.

I'm also trying to fix a dead Nissan Terrano my future-stepdad bought rather unwisely. A week later, the immobiliser locked everyone out of the car - the engine will not start! Car electronics are a dark art, and since it's an old jeep, fixing it is either very difficult, or very expensive. Still, it's giving me something to do with my time.

I'll be returning to the UK by the end of the month; the calm life out here does stop me doing anything genuinely useful after a while, and I want to see my friends. I also need to start working towards my teaching qualifications; I can do a year's course called a PGCE (postgraduate certificate in education) at college, but I need teaching experience to get in on it. So... I might end up going back to my old high school as a classroom observer, see how lessons are really handled as an outsider and get the experience I need. It's not a short road to the career I want, but everything up until now hasn't been a waste. I've learned so many things, I would love to try and pass them on. And hopefully in time I can become an author, too. I might even be able to teach English at that point!

Overall... yes, first jobs suck. But no job's ever worth getting depressed over. First sign of the job getting me down in future, I'm not gonna stick it, I'm going to change things. Hopefully though, my next job will be far more enjoyable. Money doesn't matter to me at all - I really don't care. Time is a precious thing. I want to spend mine doing something useful, and overall something I like.

Man, I feel better now. Thanks for reading!

  • Listening to: Laptop cooling fans
  • Reading: And Another Thing (Hitchhiker's book 6) - Col
  • Watching: Babylon 5

Journal History

deviantID

Gargravarr2112
Rob J
Artist | Student | Literature
United Kingdom
Oh boy, what's to say? :)

My name's Rob. I'm your average troubled late-teen guy, not sure of anything, complete and utter computer geek, part-time inventor, guitarist and shop workhorse.

I somehow acquired a bit of talent as a writer and now have this ridiculously-long Legend of Zelda fanfic up on FanFiction.net which is actually attracting positive feedback :S Interesting...

Naturally I'm a video gamer; PC > anything else for me (well, my Mac running Windows), though I do have a 360 and a Wii. Fave games: Deus Ex, most Zelda games, SSBB and a lot more.

In summary, I am a MASSIVE Rush fan (if the name didn't hint at anything XD), a bit of a musician, an obsessive writer and an outright geek. Go me :)

There's a few more things about me, but meh, whilst the world will know if it's relevant, right now no-one's asking.

Current Residence: Hyrule (In reality, England, UK)
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Pass
Print preference: Pass
Favourite genre of music: Progressive Rock and New Wave
Favourite photographer: Pass
Favourite style of art: Animé/manga
Operating System: Mac OS X 10.6 Snow Leopard
MP3 player of choice: iPod 120GB - can't go wrong
Shell of choice: GNU bash v4 ;)
Wallpaper of choice: Mac OS X Aurora
Skin of choice: Brushed Metal
Favourite cartoon character: Favourite character overall: Link
Personal Quote: "If I can't fix it, it can't be fixed!"
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconxelectricwings:
xElectricWings Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014
Duuuuuude are actually still active??
I saw your PitxLink lemons on fanfic.net, they were amazing!
Please reply ;; I wanna know if you're still active or not haha xD
Reply
:icongargravarr2112:
Gargravarr2112 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2014  Student Writer
Hi, I guess it's easy to tell from the long wait that I'm not really active any more! I do someday want to finish the works I have outstanding, but I'm in a difficult place with my life right now. Creativity is hard to come by. That's all I can say, sorry!
Reply
:iconxelectricwings:
xElectricWings Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2014
That's okay! ovo I just wanted to congratulate you on your work. It truly is amazing.
Reply
:iconthumana:
Thumana Featured By Owner May 12, 2014
Happy Birthday, sweetie!

:cake:   :tea:
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:iconprinceciel:
PrinceCiel Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
:icongivegetcent-danceplz:Thank you for the :iconcool-llama-plz:
Reply
:icongargravarr2112:
Gargravarr2112 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome, thanks for the same :)
Reply
:iconthumana:
Thumana Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012
You've been hugged!
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their profile!)

RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 6 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their user page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay!
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!

Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1, On Second thought, Please give one back.
If You Get 7 Back You Are Loved!
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:iconmattimonkey14:
mattimonkey14 Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Student Photographer
Happy birthday!
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:icongargravarr2112:
Gargravarr2112 Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks Matti! ^_^
Reply
:iconmattimonkey14:
mattimonkey14 Featured By Owner May 12, 2012  Student Photographer
You're welcome! Hope you enjoy your day!
Reply
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