26 Recent Deviations
Featured: Frozen Poster
Anna Goes to Prison: Chapter 49"Look, I'm really not in the mood for this right now." Anna crossed her arms over her knees in a futile bid to fully shield her unmentionables from Merida's eyes. "But if you find my secretary on the way out, I'm sure she'll be able to make you an appointment." "Oh, so yer trying to tell jokes now, are ya?" There was a mad glint in Merida's gaze that resembled a lioness focusing on a zebra. "Too bad I didn't seek yer company out for yer comedy. Yer a hard lass to git where I want ya, ye know that?" "Is that so? Why haven't you tried cornering me in my cell then? I'm currently by myself there, but I'm guessing you had something to do with that." "Oh, you mean Punzie's little 'accident'? Most unfortunate, Crazy Frog rolling her ball over her foot by mistake." "THAT WAS NO MISTAKE!" Anna cupped her mouth, horrified that she had allowed herself to scream like that. She took a second to make sure she hadn't inadvertently summoned someone else into the bathroom before catching her breath. "Sorry. I didn't mean to do that." "Do what? Scream yer lungs out?" Merida, unsurprisingly, appeared way too amused by Anna's outburst. "Don't apologize. I never trust someone who doesn't yell. It means they aren't passionate about anything." "And what's your 'passion' then? Sadism? Matricide? Ensuring innocent young women never walk again?" "Goldie was nothing personal." Merida reached into her shirt, where she had somehow managed to smuggle an apple (Anna chose not to contemplate where exactly she had been keeping it). "And as fer Crazy Frog, she hardly needed to be talked into cooperating once I waved a 'git out of jail free' card in front her grumpy face. It's scary, really, I'm supposed to be the unremorseful murderess, but many of the women here are more than happy to commit violence when they need to, regardless of what they're serving time for." "My friend could've died that day! You had no right!" "No right?" Keeping her pants up, Merida sat on the toilet next to Anna and took an overly messy chomp into her stolen snack. "My poor, silly princess, I had every right. Yer lucky I didn't order that Crazy Frog use her ball to smash Goldie's skull instead of her foot." "If you had done that, then you wouldn't be breathing right now." "Well, well. Ain't that an amusing bit of character development? When we first met, ye barely had the belly to so much as speak a word to me. And now here ye are, casually making threats against my life while ya take a poo. It's rather touching, really. Unfortunately, I don't have time to get all sentimental. I'm on a wee bit of a tight schedule." "So that's just it?" Anna could feel her blood rapidly boiling at a dangerous level. "You conspired to have Goldie's life ruined for the sake of...what, getting my attention? Sending a message to me?" Merida snorted, causing apple peel to drip from her lips. "I can't believe yer doing it, but yer actually overestimating yer importance to me." Her accent seemed even thicker than usual, but that may have been because she was talking with her mouth full. "Goldie's rather regrettable fate had nothing to do with you. It was about yer sister." Anna had to clutch onto her fist to stop herself from flinging it into Merida's jaw. "I'd suggest strongly you keep your voice down if you're going to talk like that." "Not really my family drama to deal with if someone overhears me, is it? Yer the one who keeps asking questions." "That makes no sense. What would any of this have to do with her?" "Me father has been, shall we say, waiting for Elsa to burst out of her cocoon. Up until now, she's really only done magic tricks in front of the prison staff and the inmates. Sure, she's created that simpleton Olaf, but what purpose does he serve her? He just greets the girls when they arrive and then, from what I've heard, helps Elsa with her paperwork. We both decided that Elsa needed a little...persuasion to provide a full demonstration to everyone of what she was really capable of. And she didn't disappoint. That was one hell of a show." Anna trembled. "So you put a prisoner in mortal peril...so Elsa would have no choice but to use her magic to save her life." "Bingo!" Merida snapped her soggy fingers. "Now the lass is catching on. Of course, now everyone here is realizing just how powerful Elsa is. And they're scared of her. Even many of the guards here are now practically pissing themselves when they're around her. This puts her position as warden of Frozen Heart in a bit of a pickle." Anna found herself hating Merida more and more with each passing second. "So that woman who came here asking me questions, I'm going to guess she works for your father?" "Not officially. But she does work for a private investigation firm...which he owns. Me old man also has, shall we say, friends in high places. All it took was a few phone calls from him, and boom, Crazy Frog and her hubby are free jailbirds." "If he has that kind of influence, why doesn't he just contact some fat cat and have you released? Why even bother going through this elaborate escape plot?" Merida took one final bite of her apple before disposing of the core in the toilet she was sitting on. "Ye still don't get how this game works, do ya? Me father is a very important man, and he can't be seen in the public's eyes of helping his evil, crazy daughter who brutally killed his beloved bitch of a wife escape justice, now can he? No. I have to get out of here old school." "Well, best of luck with that." Anna hastily wiped and pulled her pants back up. "Now, if you don't mind my rudeness, I must get back to my cell before lock-in." "Didn't yer parents ever teach you how to wash yer hands?" Merida got up herself, keeping herself uncomfortably close to Anna. "I can take care of that with my own sink. I think it's best if we continue this little conversation later." "Yeah. That doesn't work for me." She brushed some dirt off of her shoulders. "See, I had hoped by now Elsa would've been fired from her job with all the controversy surrounding her, but that's been taking a lot longer than I would like. So I'll have to strike now when she's still got all the eyes of on her, before this whole mess blows over." "And this is the part where you invite me to join you, right? Because you're convinced Elsa won't send her snipers after us if I'm there next to you?" "I'd be a fool if I didn't attempt something like this without a hostage, now wouldn't I? Except that...yer not it. No, what I need you for is kidnapping the warden." Anna burst out laughing, more out of shock than anything. "Okay, so you are insane. There's no way you could pull something like that off!" "What's the matter? Is kidnapping a step down from murder for ya?" "Elsa would freeze your ass before you got anywhere near the gates." "Not when I have you with me. Not when I threaten yer safety if she refuses to cooperate with me. I have a helicopter coming in ten days. Don't ask how or why. Me father has his own ways of making sure I keep in touch with old mates. I need Elsa at gunpoint on top of the prison walls when it arrives. Whether or not you join me on the flight to freedom once it gits here is entirely your choice. But you will help me." "And if I refuse?" "That would be most...unwise for you to do. I have friends in high places. Very high places." "But not high enough to get out this nasty horrible place." Anna defiantly patted Merida's cheek. "Too bad for you." "What exactly is going on here?" Anna could've jumped out of her own skin. There entering the restroom was the guard who had blocked her earlier. "Um...ma'am, nothing is going on. We're both fine!" "I'll be the judge of that." Her boots echoed ominously as she approached the two convicts. "It sounded like you were both talking about things that you shouldn't." "What?" Anna's voice started faltering with desperation. How much had she heard? "No! Of course not! We were just leaving, weren't we, fellow inmate?" "You're a cold-blooded killer." Merida was staring at the officer with her arms folded. "Grab her by the throat and ram her against the wall." Anna's jaw fell open. Could Merida really be that bonkers? "You can't be serious! I can't do something like that!" "I wasn't talking to you." Before she had so much as a second to ask Merida what she meant, Anna suddenly found herself being hoisted into the air by the guard's hulking hands, their fingers pressing into her neck and leaving her unable to breathe.
JackHammer Reviews: Frozen IIBefore I start the review, I like to dedicate this to Frozen fan Ellery Clark, a daughter, sister and classmate loved by many who died at the very young age of 5 after being treated for cancer, but actually got to see this movie at her hospital bed before she did thanks to her father. May she rest in peace!
Anyways, on with the review.
Hello, JackHammer here and... it's finally come, we are now gonna talk about the long awaited sequel to one of the biggest animated films of the decade, Frozen II!
(This poster is so awesome!)
I ain't gonna lie people, I waited FOREVER to see this! Unlike the first film, where I only had to wait a year to see it once I first heard about it, I waited for this one since it was first announced, which was more than 4 YEARS AGO!
Even when I looked forward to fi
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