My uncommon online neurosis giant puss disorder

Ever see a reference to an old detective show or crime film where the character comes home and the cops or somebody else is searching his place? Somebody tells him to lay low the cops are here or they were just here, looking for him, her, it. Well every since (and against all odds I must add) I was able to... predict is too much credit, asspull is not enough, how about to "socially forecast via hashtag using stream of consciousness whilst intoxicated." Upon tapping into society and the universes 5 dimensional "PISS AND PEE pulse" a yellow bubbly stream of godly information that, you can only describe as inspiration, guided me into prognosticating, Former First Lady's Man Donald Trump and a urine incident that was news in 2017 (not the other incident: which was retard-savant: Ron Perlman pissing on his hands and shaking Trump's hands because "haha, he's a passive aggressive differently-abled kind of dude"). That night I put all my hashtags, drug pipes and beers away and woke up to quite honestly a mini-media circus. Tons of new followers, people asking me this and that. Political people patting me on the shoulder and mean Political People flicking me in the nutsack. It was honestly the most scared I been online, up until the "make a vagina, breast and lady sphincter out of house hold objects tutorial" P.S.: Nobody has that much elmer's glue, fruit rollups, exclamaton ! perfume and yogurt lying around the house. I thought the the FBI and CIA were going to take out their rage from not finding Bin Laden, on me.

Thus, began my irrational avoidance and or mild phobia of notifications. In the old days I was like you, notifications were like finding a folded up $20 "crack orgasm" bill folded up with the hottest chick in class's School Raping Manifesto with you as the primary victim. Now more than a few is a little up-lifting, 10 is uh-oh what did I do?? and 0 is "feet up on the desk" smooth sailing. It's when we approach 40 (and yes there is the notifications that you have notifications thing, but trust me it's 1 or 2 a week), that I go into hiding. That I... maybe cruise by DA and see that number getting higher and higher and visualizing it as a stack of "bans", "fuck you from the admins", "cnn and don lemon adding me to moloch's list of the eternal damned" or maybe just somebody I inadvertently offended and after letting it calm down for a week, it calmed down into an infestation of forest fire pandemics.

I still haven't read them. And now you know why.