freakychild's avatar
FREAKYCHILD motherfuckers!!!
22 Watchers11.4K Page Views364 Deviations
F
Flailing blindly at windmills,
Flailing blindly at windmills, flayed by the waving giants Diving headlong and heartstrong into the obsidian abyss failing to remember the lessons of the past feigning a knowledge of what's sure to come frightened of the present and it's current waking at nearly 30 and realizing that I have failed myself not that I have taken the wrong paths nor that I have grasped the wrong straws all my choices have been true all my steps have been sound I failed the child of my past in this, there are no second chances no do-overs, no mulligans only choices choices to be made to be regretted to be stalwart to be questioned and changes changes and i
I
I have to believe
When I was 3 I thought the world was everything that I could ever want it to be I spoke with a certainty that was beyond the understanding of those around me I lived with a voracity that knew no bounds because I had not yet be told the world doesn't want me free My bedclothes became superhero capes allowing me to fly off and save the day My dinosaur toys were my friends and we had daily conversations on the inner workings of everything My greatest pleasure was a bowl of ice cream and license to go fucking insane But, I gotta be honest, I don't remember me when I was 3. My mother, like 6.5 billion other mothers, was the best mother around and
f
finale
I remember a magical place, somewhere deep within where i lived once a place of great hope, a place where things malicious could never reach me. i remember a wonderful space somewhere that i could escape to, a space of love and warmth a space where i could let my mind roam, and never worry where it's gone. i remember a glorious location somewhere which welcomed me into the fold a location that forbade negativity a location that could be found, simply by closing my eyes. i remember that clearly it's an ever changing memory leaving me in it's wake, feeling worse for wear passing me by, not stopping to let me savor the seconds
s
shades of life and demise
when i close my eyes at night and dream of the things to come i see multiple shades of amber, and green, and gray, and black... all muddled up together and intertwined an endless symphony of chaos all coming together to form the most wonderful of images an picture in my mind that at once is horrid and torturous but when taken in together is so very beautiful and sacred a black as dark as the night's sky and a sinners heart but dotted and smeared with rays of hope a green as bright as can be stinging to the eyes but tempered with the melancholy dark stains of regret all in compassed by a frame of the purest silver shining and al
g
good-bye, and good night
who are we to free the dangerous beasts from our well worn cages? behind the gates of anger and remorse frozen in time like a heart stopped beating solitary and alone, and forever in tune with regret who am i to release my vision when even i cannot  be certain of it's vengefull wrath can i know myself what i'm fully capable of is there no way to measure the hurt i hide inside when will i be forever frozen locked away in a box of glass?
w
weight bearing down
why does my soul feel burdened why can't i escape why can't i believe why do i perceive see the world through membranous eyes through a vail of despair and ancient hate why can't i move on why do i hold fast is my fate's hand cast can i be something more what good is this life for disecting the inner workings to the very depths failing and flailing my heart washes away in a bloody seascape the horrors of what i've seen and done and dwelled upon they tunnel themselves even more deeply deeper every day where's the weight bearing down where's the relief?
t
to quell the anger inside
i can remember the day i was told of my desiese just as if i were there now.  Sitting there in the doctor's hard plastic chair, breathing in the filtered air and reading his notes in my chart whilst he was out of the room. as if i were cheating on a test, i felt that i should not have pulled the chart across the table and opened the front page. he comes in a short while later with his partner in medicine.  'oh great, a tag team match' i thought.  they sit down across from me with a grim look. at that second or realization, my soul broke into a million sharp pieces.  it felt as if a thousand ants were stinging my body.  it felt like a bull h
p
please forgive
father please forgive me i took a life today i think that God might hate me damning me to stay i took down my old war flag and burned it all away i don't know if i can make it live through another day give me pease and shelter from the burning rain give me resurection or help me to go away give me sleep un ending or make me find my way i just can hardly bear this take away this weight someone please forgive me i need some one to stay everyone's running from me i can't escape the pain all the day's i wasted wasting my days away just 21 years old but yet i feel so grey my body is just so young but my soul's about to bre
r
remind
remind me again why i do this to myself act happy to hide the want all an act maybe? remind me again of who i truly am have i been acting and forgot what's real remind me again why it hurts to see better yet, don't cause i don't want to remember remind me again why i'm such a masochist remind me again why i continue on constantly going back to the things that hurt me in the end malproductve emotions that wont leave remind me again why i find home in lust in drunken states remind me again where my point of reference is and remind me again if i've gone too far already
t
try, fail, get up, try
is life about giving up or simply to keep on living or is it about growing old or maybe, simply, growing is it about waking up or just lieing there awake is it about breathing in or simply just breathing is life about greater plans or just planning things greater or is it about taking roads or simply just stopping staring out into the dark cold full of doubt and fear strewn with hate and blood am i to just keep on walking or maybe just sit and stare is life about finding home or making home find you is life about giving in or simply just giving is life about knowing what life's about or is it about the search to know i
See all
F
Flailing blindly at windmills,
Flailing blindly at windmills, flayed by the waving giants Diving headlong and heartstrong into the obsidian abyss failing to remember the lessons of the past feigning a knowledge of what's sure to come frightened of the present and it's current waking at nearly 30 and realizing that I have failed myself not that I have taken the wrong paths nor that I have grasped the wrong straws all my choices have been true all my steps have been sound I failed the child of my past in this, there are no second chances no do-overs, no mulligans only choices choices to be made to be regretted to be stalwart to be questioned and changes changes and i
I
I have to believe
When I was 3 I thought the world was everything that I could ever want it to be I spoke with a certainty that was beyond the understanding of those around me I lived with a voracity that knew no bounds because I had not yet be told the world doesn't want me free My bedclothes became superhero capes allowing me to fly off and save the day My dinosaur toys were my friends and we had daily conversations on the inner workings of everything My greatest pleasure was a bowl of ice cream and license to go fucking insane But, I gotta be honest, I don't remember me when I was 3. My mother, like 6.5 billion other mothers, was the best mother around and
f
finale
I remember a magical place, somewhere deep within where i lived once a place of great hope, a place where things malicious could never reach me. i remember a wonderful space somewhere that i could escape to, a space of love and warmth a space where i could let my mind roam, and never worry where it's gone. i remember a glorious location somewhere which welcomed me into the fold a location that forbade negativity a location that could be found, simply by closing my eyes. i remember that clearly it's an ever changing memory leaving me in it's wake, feeling worse for wear passing me by, not stopping to let me savor the seconds
s
she's a toy....
she's falling away... failing her traits... and finding a path... that leads astray... i'm taking her hand... and leading her there... destroying her fears... holding her dear... and i'm perfectly sound... and degradingly full... while i'm taking her hand... and raping her land... thinking is not easy... with a drill inside the brain... your numbers and words are killing you... i must set you free... free me... and tear me... torture me... shoot me... greet me... fuck me... destroy me...  
s
someone to catch me
hearts are cold and lonely and long for a loving embrace one that nothing can replace a heart beats inside my chest that wants nothing more than the love never ending sending me it's warmth but somehow i've fucked that up should i never know that love has past me by and left me cold and dry i dont care about this flesh i dont give a damn about it all all i want from this life is someone to catch me when i fall i could care less about this world and all the things that it forms cause it all pales when i look at her and know that i can never have being at this distance when she's standing right here beside but i guess it
m
machine
did you cut the umbilical? hands smeared, caked with blood dried and died did you kill yourself yet? using the knife to snip while you sip your cocktail you've got alcohol in your veins your arteries are hard and callus how dare you live to love... i'll show you how to make the human flesh into a tasty treat and how to make your fears leave you, and leave you empty for years and years...
l
lone
i thought you were here i thought that you cared when i loved with my heart and gave you my all i wanted it all everything you could give when i gave you nothing you gave it whole deep inside, and away from this pain i thought that i was free that'll never be i dont know... what i'm thinking and what i'm doing cause you seem to be every where and you seem to know you seem to care when i fall and when i fail you were always there to give me hope i need you everyday these feelings they're all here inside this hollow soul grows all alone my monsters of hate you make it all go away you make me whole leaving, i
i
its in your hands
are you looking through a fog... something that allows you not to see... open up the morning paper... war and pain is what you see... flip on over to the sports... who's playing today... now are you blind... or do you just not care at all... walking down the street again... he's asking for a dollar bill... walk on and give not to this man... you don't know why, you don't even care... now do you have no heart... or do you just not care at all... driving down the road once more... you see that man with hands outstreched... drive on and give not of yourself... how much longer would it take... to this man, you might seal his f
t
the energy to survive
i wonder so many days do i have the energy left to take my next breath to start again fresh... and i ponder day after day what there is in store what's this for is there more... i've not had a moment clear to decide on these things now my mind is all muddled it's full of thoughts flowing and racing through all showing wondering when i am going and finding why i'm slowing and i've wondered so many days do i have the energy left to hate to love to die to live.... there's no more humanity in me it's all fallen away nothing left worth your stay no emotions left to sway but if i had it all to do again which i dont and i
Devious Journal Entry
I've just got to get some shit out... I don't know where else to do so right now.. I'm nearing 30.... I'm almost 30 and I'm completely lost in what I feel like I "should" be doing in my life... I have no clue... I have to have a plan for things... no matter how bad that plan is, it's hard for me to function without one... It's hard for me to not weigh the options, measure the outcomes, and find which comes lacking... And I can't do that with my life... the one I lead... I am so full of regret sometimes.... regret that I can't be that person I was 10 years ago... regret that I didn't follow certain paths to their conclusion... regret of the
Devious Journal Entry
so i'm sitting here drinking a smirnoff when i hear a knock at my door... i open it and find CS standing on the other side..... i haven't seen this girl in two and a half years.... i grew up with her, she's as much my sister as someone could be..... and here she was, standing at my door.... needless to say, i was dumbfounded... mostly cause i haven't heard from her in that long... she's been in the army, stationed in italy.... so we sit and talk.... having drinks and just catching up.... i ask her what her plans were when she gets out of the army in 20 months.... she tells me that she's gonna be moving off to california.... just moving
Devious Journal Entry
have you ever wanted to grab someone by the shoulders and beat into thier minds the idea that speaking up when you don't want to be somewhere is a GOOD idea..... fucking hell....
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GOREgeousss's avatar
Hey. It's Charlotte. Freak-On-A-Leash666. I made a new account.
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friendkeep's avatar
friendkeep|Hobbyist General Artist
Pretty much haven't heard from you in ages....?
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friendkeep's avatar
friendkeep|Hobbyist General Artist
Guess who got a computer?
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touchofchaos's avatar
YOU’VE BEEN POKED!

If you've been poked it shows that you are either a very good friend or a very good artist. If you have been poked then you must poke at least five people on DA that you view as a great friend or a great artist as well as the one who poked you. Happy Poking!

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theAmanuensis's avatar
Sup man? It's Becca, Pat's friend. I just joined DA and Nate pointed me to your page. Man, I was at work and... your front page aint safe for work man! LoL, you ain't safe for work. Anyways, just gonna give you a holler. When you gonna come back to Mactown/WR for partyin? We got plenty of stuff goin down in the next few weeks.

tA
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freakychild's avatar
yea, i'm NSFW.... welcome and i've added you... i hope to be partying soon... gota go... peace...
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Freak-On-A-Leash666's avatar
-Does a dance on your page- Just dropped by to tell you a random "Hello", hope you're doing fine. You should submit more, I love your writing. Atleast someone around her can write about something more that fairy tales and a dream world we're supposed to live in, full of perfection and love. So.. Hello and umm.. Buh Byz.

Until next time,
"Rage"
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