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About Deviant FREAKYCHILD motherfuckers!!!Male/United States Recent Activity
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Flailing blindly at windmills,
Flailing blindly at windmills, flayed by the waving giants
Diving headlong and heartstrong into the obsidian abyss
failing to remember the lessons of the past
feigning a knowledge of what's sure to come
frightened of the present and it's current
waking at nearly 30 and realizing that I have failed myself
not that I have taken the wrong paths
nor that I have grasped the wrong straws
all my choices have been true
all my steps have been sound
I failed the child of my past
in this, there are no second chances
no do-overs, no mulligans
only choices
choices to be made
to be regretted
to be stalwart
to be questioned
and changes
and if this something changes
and if I make these choices
and if I create these paths
and if I wake at last
everything I know will change
in this life I can not abide continued absence of self
in the stark contrast of night, I can only see that I have abandoned me.
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 1 0
I have to believe
When I was 3
I thought the world was everything that I could ever want it to be
I spoke with a certainty that was beyond the understanding of those around me
I lived with a voracity that knew no bounds because I had not yet be told the world doesn't want me free
My bedclothes became superhero capes allowing me to fly off and save the day
My dinosaur toys were my friends and we had daily conversations on the inner workings of everything
My greatest pleasure was a bowl of ice cream and license to go fucking insane
But, I gotta be honest, I don't remember me when I was 3.
My mother, like 6.5 billion other mothers, was the best mother around and she's the only one that could write down the story of me.
The function in my brain that filters pleasure and pain, memories and fabrications, fantasy and reality is laid open.
Like the screen of the door on my grandmother's front porch, it's holey.  Battered and broken, but still effective.  The bigger picture kept at bay, but the smaller
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 1
I remember a magical place,
somewhere deep within where i lived once
a place of great hope,
a place where things malicious could never reach me.
i remember a wonderful space
somewhere that i could escape to,
a space of love and warmth
a space where i could let my mind roam, and never worry where it's gone.
i remember a glorious location
somewhere which welcomed me into the fold
a location that forbade negativity
a location that could be found, simply by closing my eyes.
i remember that clearly
it's an ever changing memory
leaving me in it's wake, feeling worse for wear
passing me by, not stopping to let me savor the seconds i lost
i stretch my arms out
letting my fingers caress the air in front of me
the cool breeze slowly slipping through my hands
the sun on my upturned face, the warmth of it's rays instilling in me a sense of hope
and i can spend the whole of the day in this place
the wisps of night slowly creep in,
the chill of the air nipping at my neck
raising the hair on my outst
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 1
shades of life and demise
when i close my eyes at night
and dream of the things to come
i see multiple shades of amber, and green, and gray, and black...
all muddled up together and intertwined
an endless symphony of chaos
all coming together to form the most wonderful of images
an picture in my mind that at once is horrid and torturous
but when taken in together is so very beautiful and sacred
a black as dark as the night's sky and a sinners heart
but dotted and smeared with rays of hope
a green as bright as can be
stinging to the eyes
but tempered with the melancholy dark stains of regret
all in compassed by a frame of the purest silver
shining and all most blasphemous in it's mirror visage
i find that in my dreams i'm focusing far too much on one spot
forgoing the other parts
perhaps i'm trying to understand and dissect
every singular stroke of the brush MUST mean something
perhaps i'm too focused
perhaps i should take a step back and take it all in
a realization, i might need
a realization that this picture
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 0
good-bye, and good night
who are we to free the dangerous beasts from our well worn cages?
behind the gates of anger and remorse
frozen in time like a heart stopped beating
solitary and alone, and forever in tune with regret
who am i to release my vision
when even i cannot  be certain of it's vengefull wrath
can i know myself
what i'm fully capable of
is there no way to measure the hurt i hide inside
when will i be forever frozen
locked away in a box of glass?
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 2 1
weight bearing down
why does my soul feel burdened
why can't i escape
why can't i believe
why do i perceive
see the world through membranous eyes
through a vail of despair and ancient hate
why can't i move on
why do i hold fast
is my fate's hand cast
can i be something more
what good is this life for
disecting the inner workings
to the very depths
failing and flailing
my heart washes away in a bloody seascape
the horrors of what i've seen
and done
and dwelled upon
they tunnel themselves even more deeply
deeper every day
where's the weight bearing down
where's the relief?
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 1 1
to quell the anger inside
i can remember the day i was told of my desiese just as if i were there now.  Sitting there in the doctor's hard plastic chair, breathing in the filtered air and reading his notes in my chart whilst he was out of the room. as if i were cheating on a test, i felt that i should not have pulled the chart across the table and opened the front page.
he comes in a short while later with his partner in medicine.  'oh great, a tag team match' i thought.  they sit down across from me with a grim look.
at that second or realization, my soul broke into a million sharp pieces.  it felt as if a thousand ants were stinging my body.  it felt like a bull had thrown me about like a rag doll. but most of all, it suddenly felt very very cold in that room.
'it's treatable, you have a chance of survival.'  one said
'i'll be frank with you, it's slim, but there is a chance' the other spoke
'how long?'  i questioned
'well, with treatment,
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 0
please forgive
father please forgive me
i took a life today
i think that God might hate me
damning me to stay
i took down my old war flag
and burned it all away
i don't know if i can make it
live through another day
give me pease and shelter
from the burning rain
give me resurection
or help me to go away
give me sleep un ending
or make me find my way
i just can hardly bear this
take away this weight
someone please forgive me
i need some one to stay
everyone's running from me
i can't escape the pain
all the day's i wasted
wasting my days away
just 21 years old
but yet i feel so grey
my body is just so young
but my soul's about to break
please give me one more lifetime
to handle all this pain
please forgive all this
as i take away my hate
i just can't see the way through
all the shit inside
my heart is weak and weary
consience not in sight
i need something for this
to take away the fight
just give me something to cure
the desiese i hold inside
fuck me and destroy me
blow away my brains
fucking overdose
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 0
remind me again
why i do this to myself
act happy to hide the want
all an act maybe?
remind me again
of who i truly am
have i been acting
and forgot what's real
remind me again
why it hurts to see
better yet, don't
cause i don't want to remember
remind me again
why i'm such a masochist
remind me again
why i continue on
constantly going back
to the things that hurt me in the end
malproductve emotions that wont leave
remind me again
why i find home in lust
in drunken states
remind me again
where my point of reference is
and remind me again
if i've gone too far already
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 0
try, fail, get up, try
is life about giving up
or simply to keep on living
or is it about growing old
or maybe, simply, growing
is it about waking up
or just lieing there awake
is it about breathing in
or simply just breathing
is life about greater plans
or just planning things greater
or is it about taking roads
or simply just stopping
out into the dark cold
full of doubt and fear
strewn with hate and blood
am i to just keep on walking
or maybe just sit and stare
is life about finding home
or making home find you
is life about giving in
or simply just giving
is life about knowing what life's about
or is it about the search to know
is life full of fear and pain
or is there something else
something i'm not seeing
is there light at the end of my journey
or simply another begining
or ending
or inbetween
is life about being alone
or is it about being together
is life about some fickle love
or is it about just caring
is life full of hate and tears
or is there something more to it
can there be a place wort
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 1 0
too scared to go on
i'm too scared to go on
not knowing where it might take me
millions of possibilities
but no answers among the shit
all the things that i've been through
all the years that i've held on to
each one shaped me in some way
but now i'm too scared to push it all away
in my head it's safe here
safe with all the fears
i know what my actions will be
outside it's so unclear
something that i can't explain
i can't find myself in here
but i won't let myself out there
i need to find a new way
some way that will let me stay
giving me something to believe in
i need some kind of new sin
i just can't find my way out
i'm fucked up, of that i have no doubt
but i can't see my way out
that path is not lain for me to tread on
so i'm just feeling my way about
tangled in the shit
my mind is just such a mess
i can't quite understand any of it
all these feelings
all these lies
all this love
all this hate
what if i had just hated
instead of cared
would my life be much easier
would that let me cast down my fears
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 0
era of demon disciples
reaching into the firey depths and pulling out the things that make me a homicidal crazed madman and throw them away keeping the important bits and trashing the rest in a debris pile of shit and bile going for another bit and pulling out my heart so blackened by hate and anger and loss and a bastard existance what is this thing i hold in my hand a bottle a saviour a way out drink again poison so sweet a disciple of the hated ones drink agian make it all go away the pain the fear the hate and replace it with liquid keep it up till i can go to sleep and then i don't sleep save for tormented spats that bring me no rest but only provide horrible dreams of death decay anger despair and friends why must i live my life like this reserved for an empty seat a degrading existance wishing to go back and murder and take back what shoud have been mine no childhood no playtime no rest for the weary weak minded and so fucking frail tears at the instant of confrontation bad day bad year bad life shitt
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 0
do i follow in the footsteps?
do i urge on the destiny?
a great man?
a shallow man?
a dead man...
will i follow in the footsteps?
will i give up chance?
will i become that which i say i hate?
that man...
now me?
will be me?
a father at 21
dead at 25
rotting and decayed memory
circus clowns
elephant rides
toy guns
black and chrome box...
can every man choose his path
or is it set?
a path, a guide
a direction not deviated from
i'm so scared
so very insane
the prospect
what i strive not to be
will i become that,  in spite of it?
i thought i had the strength
i hope i have the courage
i hope i can put it down
put it away
live my life
and not worry
but yet, i still do...
every waking moment
i've got a great many things going against me
which ones will i dodge
and which ones will i embody?
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 1
honor gaurd
drum taps
broken hymns
bone meal
tarnish and the war drums
flag draped corpses
lined up for miles
assembly line
spit 'em out
line 'em up
train 'em
send 'em out to catch the bullets
war taps
scars unseen
we've changed
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 0 16
giving cause to the action
how much time is there left
how long do we have to live
the actions acted
the tears shed
the fears feared
the hope hoped
the life lived
how much time is left on this line
one way or another
the other
the only
one action not acted
begin again brand new
something different
something fresh and true
how much would things change
with innocense inside
hardened shell
growing inside
feeding and beating
wanting to break free
give credence to the actions
mode to the madness
life to the lifeless
hope to the hopeless
begin again
bang the ideals in
how much would things change
if flowers bloomed in may
and never quit shining bright
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 1 4
white knuckle, bloody love
such a small plastic package, carrying such a powerful love...
pour it out, chop it up, dust the corners, gather together the little bits, chop some more...  
line that shit up, roll a 20, and go for it...
up and out...
lie back and let it slide down your mind... just let it slide...
twenty seconds later, BAM!
i'm a pseudo god with the world as my domain...
look over to the other end of the room... see the bitch get a bump... get mad, my shit, fuck you!!!!
she gets happy, tells me to chill, tells me to take some blow off her breast....
i get happy...
pile a bump on her nipple, breath in, spin, do it again...
lie back, let it slide down my mind... just let it all slide...
eyes wide, hair tingling, feet numbing, hands shaking, i can feel the strands of her hair on my cheek...
feel her grind ass into my lap... feels great, legs on each side... so white and warm...
tounges mingle, skin on skin, feels great....
do another bump...
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
do another bump
fuck fuck
:iconfreakychild:freakychild 1 9



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GOREgeousss Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2007
Hey. It's Charlotte. Freak-On-A-Leash666. I made a new account.
friendkeep Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Pretty much haven't heard from you in ages....?
friendkeep Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Guess who got a computer?
touchofchaos Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2006

If you've been poked it shows that you are either a very good friend or a very good artist. If you have been poked then you must poke at least five people on DA that you view as a great friend or a great artist as well as the one who poked you. Happy Poking!

-----PPPP ------------------------
theAmanuensis Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006
Sup man? It's Becca, Pat's friend. I just joined DA and Nate pointed me to your page. Man, I was at work and... your front page aint safe for work man! LoL, you ain't safe for work. Anyways, just gonna give you a holler. When you gonna come back to Mactown/WR for partyin? We got plenty of stuff goin down in the next few weeks.

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