I wouldn't argue with results. You've taken the original to a much higher level, composed it, corrected the head, and colored it very nicely. It seems as if you were working out problems in every area of art.
The strongest area is design, where the troublshooting you did is quite sophisticated - look at the way the fins of the fish stand out in opposition, both in color and line to the swirls of hair. If i had done it the fish would have been swallowed by the hair pattern.
The only things I would say about the comp is 1) avoid dividing the canvas in half. Even though there is a design filling it out, the difference in intensity between the top and bottom practically cuts it in half where the bottom half starts. 2) Block the corners. Corners are eye-traps, so don't do anything that points into them or emphasizes them, as is done here in both bottom corners. And, 3) be careful about objectifying borders and where to crop the figure. Here the breast and an encircling wisp of fabric on the arm practically rest on the lower border of the canvas.
The weak area is the body, which looks mushy, except for the head. Head is looking solid! (Man! you really improved that from the original!) The problem is with both 1) the conception of the underlying anatomy, which is indefinite and (in places) incorrect, or imprecise*, and 2) the technical application, which relies almost entirely on monochrome transitions where variations in hue and chroma should/could do more work to substantiate the 3DI.
Imprecise* - Things like the placement and shape of the collar bones look like afterthoughts, something thrown in ad hoc. They distort the relationships that depend on them. It's one thing to suggest anatomy, which is good to do, rather than spelling it out in bold type and defining every detail. But that's different from marking it incorrectly. Another place where precision would pay off is in the shape of the head, with the planes marked off in construction to enable the hairline and the hair patterns to describe its mass from the surface. As it is, the hair is a little like a wig that's askew.
TL;DR: Great sense of design. Tweak composition skills. Push the anatomy studies.