I originally did some of these personal journal memes around 2012 or so, but I took them down years later when an IRL reading of my transpecies poetry at the [university] open mic event (including giving out my URL to the crowd) caused a big pageview spike that made me uncomfortable. I feel better about opening up now, because I want to let my watchers (especially mutuals) have a chance to get to know me at least a little bit better. I took this journal meme from chaiteaa
and have deleted some questions that I don't want to answer publicly.
1. Favorite dish?audreydraws.tumblr.com/
Tofu with peanut sauce and rice. I've ordered it from Chinese and Thai restaurants with Thai Tea to drink, which is probably my favorite kind of tea (aside from maybe raspberry tea, which is also great). ALSO I'm vegan... I just don't have the muzzle, teeth, or claws to go hunt for food like any other red fox, and I'm sympathetic to animal personhood concepts in ethical philosophy. I've been vegetarian since I was 11 and vegan since I was 12.
2. Favorite dream/worst nightmare?
My favorite dream is one where I was a red fox... I've had lots of these dreams, but there's one that I had a long time ago that really stands out for how much it influenced my identity. I didn't want to wake up from the dream; I kept falling back asleep so I could go back and experience being a fox again. There are a lot more details from this dream that I could relate, but it feels too intensely personal to share with anyone other than my best friend for now. It was a long time from then until when I first learned words like "furry" and "fursona," so for awhile I thought I was the only person to try to see my identity this way... I settled on "transpecies" before I had any other words like "fursona" even in my vocabulary.
My worst nightmare might be the one where I was in a car that was driven off of a cliff. (sorry, this meme has some dark questions…)
3. Coke or Pepsi?
Coke over Pepsi, but root beer is my favorite soda.
4. Day or night?
I love nighttime and being under the stars in a remote place in the mountains.
5. What is your dominant hand?
6. Best Friends?
Bixbyiter whom I've known since the end of 2010. When I first started writing Transpecies the novel, the idea was that real people would use their digital archives in a sort of time capsule to send their memories and identities to their fursona bodies in the future. I co-wrote a chapter with them about them as their fursona, and from that point onward we've just gotten to know each other better in the seven plus years we've been talking. I eventually grew apart from some of the other people who were going to be the original cast of the story, but I'm fortunate to still be in contact with a few. With their support, I made the big step of re-writing the same plot mechanic but with fictional characters instead (my OCs thus date to May 2011). They are an amazing friend to have, and I trust them with knowing like... all there is to know about me... with no reservations. My best friend.
has some really lovely artwork, and we first started talking when I commented on one of her illustrated comics. I've greatly enjoyed our conversations together from 2015 to the present. I find that I can talk with her about difficult topics and rely on her understanding and consideration as a close friend. We exchange memes on tumblr, and she’s the one online friend I’ve snapchatted with. I think she's my only friend who doesn't have a fursona.
MistyGoldArt has been my friend from 2014 to the present, and she's made more art of my fursona and OCs than I think anyone else ever has. I noticed from the beginning that we had somewhat similar styles and almost the exact same number of pageviews and watchers at one point, though she's now surpassed me in that regard. I really appreciate the comments I've received from her on my work, and I've enjoyed seeing her style develop over the years. Her fursona Misty is a golden fox.
7. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?
Alcohol and drugs are really scary topics for me, and I'm a teetotaler.
8. What's your dream job?
Founder and CEO of a genetic engineering firm that develops fursonas IRL. (I did actually wear my faux fur fox tail to a gene delivery class at university, but I don't think it went over very well. No matter the situation, and I've tried a variety of situations in public, it never seems to end well for me. I feel sad because... even if one funded the research on tissue engineering to surgically add tails, would the social rejection effects/unpopularity be too strong for the procedure to become adopted and recognized?)
9. Have ever been mistaken for what or who?
I've never been confused for a celebrity or anything like that.
10. The strangest dish you have ever eaten?
Vegan imitation shrimp.
11. Last time you cried?
I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the demands of my university academic schedule. It's taking me an unusually long time to try to graduate... and I've been struggling to balance a manageable class load with my time horizon for earning my undergraduate degree.
12. Favorite color?
Every shade from orange to red that can be found in the fur coat of a red fox.
13. Who is your role model?
I could name a particularly ethical and thoughtful biological engineer whom I have thanked for helping me through his insightful correspondence with me. He has been really helpful to me and the world through our interactions and his life work.
I also look up to tyronniesaur and chaiteaa for being very considerate, accomplished artists whose work has inspired me over the years.
14. A country you would like to visit?
Japan for its Zao Fox Village, the capital of global foxlandia (well, perhaps a title contested with Novosibirsk for the domesticated fox project), for having the most somewhat wild foxes living together in an open space where they run and play among human visitors. I really want to go there someday!
i'm tall enough that a statistician could use this data point to try to predict that i'm "male" gender with a very, very high degree of statistical confidence. last time i checked i was 90th percentile for my age and biological sex, so basically only 1 of 20 people my age is taller than me, i think.
16. Eye color?
17. Hair color?
18. Your nationality/ have any foreign blood?
I am of English and Scottish heritage, and I've applied to universities in the UK for graduate school (I loved visiting one campus in particular). I've been called an Anglophile pretty recently. I wasn't accepted the first time I applied to universities in the UK, but I'd definitely consider studying or working there for a few years to experience the culture I hail from. I love the works of the English Romantic poets/writers (Lord Byron, Mary Shelley, etc.) and have visited John Keats' house. Isaac Newton was/is awesome. Did you know he had zero descendants?
19. What do you love?
Family Canidae, particularly Genus Vulpes, particularly Species vulpes, particularly the variety of the Rocky Mountains (Subspecies macroura)... the red foxes of North America have been proposed to be a distinct species from other red foxes (Vulpes vulpes) based on their evolutionary divergence. I've decided to assign my fursona the subspecies americana, implying that my fursona's genome would comprise a mixture of samples from North American red foxes.
20. If you had one wish, what would it be?
I want to be my fursona so much that it hurts.
21. Who I wish I could be?
Someone living in a time where biotechnology advances enough that I can be my fursona in my lifetime.
22. Home-made or fast food?
I really like dining out at sit-down restaurants that serve vegan options.
23. My favorite ice cream flavor?
Ben and Jerry's serves vegan flavors and I like all of the ones that I've tried.
24. The last thing I ate?
Lentils, broccoli, and french fries from the university cafeteria. I'm taking classes this whole summer.
25. Nicknames people call you?
I hate being called Doug and will correct anyone who does this IRL to request to be called Douglas, which is my offline name for better or for worse. I've recently been using "Douglas Foxstory" for my name on the Transpecies manuscript that I distribute to readers via email. Online, I really like to be called "fox" by my friends! If you call me fox instead of foxstory, I'll assume you mean it in a friendly way, as if you are trying to address me the way you would if you were a friend of mine.
26. Favorite song?
I'll just pick the songs that have served as the basis for the Pandora stations I love the most. These would be:
Unified Theory by The Cobalt Season (since 2013)
Exile Vilify by The National (I'm not sure when I first heard it)
Autoclave by The Mountain Goats (since 2017)
27. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? (why is this so unfathomably dark? in a mostly fun journal meme?)
I don't want to disturb anyone else to whom it has happened (and/or those who fear it) and therefore won't be talking about it... it has happened at least twice and I would be so grateful for it to never happen again.
Also, I've been rejected from my absolute favorite universities on three occasions each (applied for freshman admission, applied to transfer there, and applied to graduate school there). I still plan to go to graduate school, but I'm waiting until I finish my undergraduate degree and until I have an admission offer from a strong enough school. So far I've been accepted to zero graduate schools. The graduate school rejections mostly came in January-February 2018, which was a very difficult time for me.
28. Best thing that has ever happened to you?
I got accepted to [my favorite high school], I got accepted to [good university], and I got accepted to [better university]. As good as those schools are, I'm still waiting for the day when I can finally earn my letter of admission to a PhD program at [best university].
29. Something you would change about yourself?
I wish I had the confidence, charisma, and social tact to wear my faux fur fox tail every day without it causing situations that don't go well for me... I'd like to be open and out and everything that goes along with that in terms of the significant confidence boost and feeling so much less dysphoria. I'm saving up for a fursuit. Does anyone have any recommendations for fursuit makers? I've only heard of people recommending "not" to get a fursuit from the person they ordered a fursuit from (or attempted to order from).
I just don't think I can succesfully be open about my identity IRL, so I am so much closer to people online than I ever am offline. I haven't had any offline "real friends" in a really long time, as I think I get so much closer to people who see this side of myself and are still open to interacting with me. Offline, I really worry that if people knew just how much my fox identity meant to me, we wouldn't get along any more, and it's not something that I can make obvious without causing other repercussions (I've tried really hard, on multiple occasions, to make the tail-wearing thing work, and sadly it doesn't seem to be a generally accepted thing in society.)
30. Ever dated someone?
I have zero experience points at the whole dating/relationship thing.
31. My biggest pet peeves?
“Their” are still people who can't get “they're” uses of "their" done in proper English, plus assorted similar mistakes as these. I'm very serious about eliminating all typographical and grammatical errors from my so-called "rough" draft of Transpecies. I'm pretty sure that my usage errors are in the low single digits (if nonzero), so I'm mostly looking for readers to critique how I tell the story. You won't have to wade through myriad copyediting-level mistakes to experience the draft of the story.
32. Worst mistake/biggest regret?
Despite all my efforts with science fairs and academic competitions to get into [my top choice universities], I didn't make the cut. Low single digit percentage admission rates are a formidable reality that shaped my entire adolescence, filled as it was with the fervent desire to be accepted there. I should have started sooner and lived my entire childhood centered around gaining academic distinction! I am working hard in university as an undergraduate to try to go to [my top choice university] to earn a PhD there someday. The odds of admission for their PhD programs are also in the low single digit percentage range.
33. Watch the movie or read the book?
Read the book.
34. Favorite movie/book?
Top 5 books:
Life at the Speed of Light by J. Craig Venter (tour de force genetic engineering by one of the most audacious people in the world)
The Foxes of Firstdark by Garry Kilworth (in this canon, foxes have a fox-centric religion with its own myths and rituals! i used to be atheist, and then i found this book. wow. the last sentence of the last page will stay with me forever. i am very careful with my hard copy of this book.)
Lady into Fox by David Garnett (it's a free ebook on Project Gutenberg if you want to try it here www.gutenberg.org/files/10337/… ! I actually don't own a physical copy, having only read library and digital copies. "Where his wife had been the moment before was a small fox, of a very bright red." she's still very much herself in a red fox body, at first. husband and wife both try their best to deal with the situation. adorable. it's lovely and unlike any other book i've ever read. i read it in my high school library when i was 15... i guess if you're good enough at writing that your "enigmatic work" wins major literary awards, you can put literally anything in a story and it will still be published and widely found in libraries because the writing is just that good. goals! also, my OC Silvia is a namesake of the woman/vixen character from this novel. confirmed!)
Red Fox by Charles D. G. Roberts (a completely realistic portrayal of the life of a red fox living in the wild, told in chapters with an exciting plot. nature! yeah!)
Free Spirit: A Brush with a Fox by Michael Chambers (a heartfelt recounting of a relationship with a red fox)
Top 4 movies:
Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki (This is actually a "family movie" that I find I can relate to. Ame running away to just be a wolf is very relatable for me.)
Brother Bear (I love the transformation scene, the landscape aesthetics, and the friendly fun of the characters.)
Zootopia (I've actually written a paper on Zootopia's lexicon for my writing class. I think I might upload it here.)
Lucario and the Mystery of Mew (I love the ending song so much. It is sad but also an excellent movie.)
35. What movie made you cry the most?
The Fox and the Hound (I was watching it just before a meeting for my high school’s math team, which I wouldn’t have skipped for the world, so I showed up to the math team meeting in tears. Abandonment of a red fox is too sad…)
36. Best day of your life?
Each and every day I’ve gotten to see a red fox IRL… this has only happened a few times in my life, but it’s a big deal. the biggest deal. i have crossed mountain ranges and an entire ocean on an airplane to do this. how do people even live with red foxes and have that happen every day?? Unbelievable! Unfathomable! i can't even.
37. Any talents?
I can digitally draw, paint, and animate. I’m a pretty good student in a very wide range of subjects. I think my novel manuscript for Transpecies, at 60k words, is a quality work of original young adult (YA) literature. You can read it and make up your own mind. I would be sincerely thankful for any commentary or critique that you could provide. Feel free to note me for your free copy! (See the left sidebar of my profile for details...) The chaiteaa commission below features from left to right: Byron (cross fox), Silvia (red fox), and Lauren (gray wolf). These friends become their fursonas and go on an adventure together!
38. Do you wish you could ever start over?
Even if I went back in time to try to not make particular mistakes, I would only end up making different mistakes.
39. Favorite season?
fall and winter! I love both… the changing colors of the leaves and the first snowfall are probably my favorite times of years. I grew up in FL which doesn’t have real seasons, but since I’ve moved to a place with real seasons for university, my quality of life has greatly improved!
40. Favorite holiday?
actually Valentine’s Day… it’s so pure.
41. Someone you can tell anything to?
my best friend Bixbyiter. Thank you so much for being in my life…
42. Favorite artwork?
I think it might be the original watercolor painting that I own that was once (but is no longer) available to be seen on DA, so I can’t link to it, and out of respect for the artist I’ll leave it at that. It might also be an unlisted animation, so again out of respect for another artist I’m not linking to that masterpiece either.
43. Favorite quote?
"Wonderful or supernatural events are not so uncommon, rather they are irregular in their incidence.” (the opening line of Lady into Fox)
44. Are you okay?
Maybe for now? I hope so! I’d rate my mood 5 out of 10.
45. Relationship status?
I have zero experience at, like, relationships… and I don’t expect that to change for a long time, if ever. There’s so much that apparently comes naturally to other people that I just don’t understand or comprehend. It’s not like it’s a subject in school with formally acclaimed textbooks to study. I am naïve and there’s so much I don’t get about this topic that I honestly don’t know where to begin.
My friends are just my friends and I don’t think I could handle any other kind of thing besides friendship. 46. Any other questions?
This used to be question 59, but apparently I’m still uncomfortable with enough topics to make this journal meme considerably shorter than it would have been. I am sorry. I want to make it easier for people online to get to know me better, but I am mostly used to talking about myself in 1-to-1 conversations and not in journal memes. I guess this is a decent start. I like talking with people via DA notes, so feel free to contact me there (you can also note me for my Discord once we’ve talked on DA).