I can't feel. I can't feel pain. I can't feel sorrow. I can't feel hope or defeat or love or hate. I've become numbed from emotion, numbed so much that I can't tell whether or not the feelings I feel now are real or not. I feel a boundless sense of despair behind my every action. I feel as though I am endlessly grieving, but for what? What have I lost? What reason do I have for ever thinking I have a right to grieve when I've never lost anything of value? There was nothing of value to lose in the first place. I can't tell where I am or who I am or even whats going on anymore. I lose myself to this dark hole I've created.
But then, right then, right when I lose myself, I find something. Something worth holding on to, something that can make me feel pain, make me feel sorrow, make me feel like its worth living for. Chasing that ideal, I focus all of my energy on capturing this dream. It is intoxicating to think that this can ever happen, that emotion can once again flow through my veins