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October 1, 2006
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Passing a drug test, help me out!

:iconturtlesmasher:
TurtleSmasher Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Ey, I'm on coke right now and I need to know how to pass a test, cause I got one comin' to me at like, ten in the morning. And don't say "well don't do drugs." I need some secrets. Help me out, please.
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Devious Comments

:icontermite-of-justice:
termite-of-justice Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006
I kinda wish it had been drinking a bunch of bleach. :shrug:
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:icondieingchild:
dieingchild Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2006
Me too, people that do crap like this make all drug users look worse than we already do.
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:iconturtlesmasher:
TurtleSmasher Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2006
Nah, it's just puttin' bleach on your two fingers, and when you piss in the cup, just dip your fingers in.
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:iconjaywalkerprodigy:
jaywalkerprodigy Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2006
Trippy.
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:iconseigi:
seigi Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
sorry mate, but there are consequences for your actions. =|
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:icontei-rei:
Tei-rei Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
I agree.
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:iconstoicnimwit:
stoicnimwit Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Question: What in the world posessed you to do cocaine before you KNEW that you had a drug test? There's something very wrong with your reasoning, sir, and I would suggest trying much harder (because you're obviously not) at getting clean.
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:iconsavagebinn:
savagebinn Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006   General Artist
I know of an extreme solution, but it involves a curinge and someone else's piss so..... Yea, you're going down a dark road, better stop now before it's too late.:petting:
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:iconbushidoblade:
BushidoBlade Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Don't do drugs.
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:iconfoodogtenchi:
FooDogTenchi Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Drink a shit load of vodka, at least alcohol isn't illegal, other then that, skip it, or call in sick, cause you''ll get screwed...
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:iconmalice626:
MaLiCe626 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Have you tried the blueberry yum yum?
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:iconyourgodisdead:
yourgodisdead Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006   Traditional Artist
If it was weed, I'd say drink lots of water & iced tea. But I got nothing for coke. Sounds to me like you're screwed in about 82 different ways.

(Then again, by the time he reads this he'll already have taken his test & gotten caught.)
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:iconipholio:
ipholio Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006  Professional Interface Designer
That's gonna stay in your system for that test...detox pills and all that probably won't help you very much.
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:iconmorgan-gal:
morgan-gal Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
i got 4 words to say to you...eh hemm........YOU ARE SO SCRUED:no:
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:iconcei-:
cei- Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006  Professional Photographer
and so is your spelling
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:iconmorgan-gal:
morgan-gal Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2006
ohhh well
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:iconsensibleyaoifan:
SensibleYaoiFan Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Well, you SHOULDN'T have done drugs...

No you shall get what you deserve!
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:iconemoitaliangirl:
EmoItalianGirl Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
dude, you're fucked. there's no way out of this. next time, dont do drugs the day before a drug test.
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:iconrubenb:
RubenB Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
what if you dont show up at all? maybe a bit tricky but hey, if you're sure you're not gonna pass. maybe they let you redo it in 3 days :p
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:iconaestheticirony:
aestheticirony Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That was what I was thinking. Like, just lay low for three days, say your mom got hit by a bus or something (was being serious, not trying to be stupid)>
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:iconlord-daegoth:
Lord-Daegoth Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
to be honest, you are screwed. the tests are accurate and the only things that can help you pass are dangerous. and i mean real dangerous. plus they'll just test for those as well
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:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
I have to second the tell us how it turned out request.

Inquireing minds want to know
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:iconlightstep:
lightstep Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This, ladies and gentleman, is why they created drug tests in the first place. By the way, cold medicine doesn't help. In fact, it can register as alcohol in your system too. Haha. Can you please let us know what they tell you?! Please?! I want to know how hard they laugh when you try to convince them you are drug free.
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:icongdpr-1611566:
gdpr-1611566 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2006
wanker
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:iconpeskaa:
peskaa Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2006  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Was that really necessary?
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:icongdpr-1611566:
gdpr-1611566 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2006
yes

just because someone takes drugs dosent make them somthing to be laughed at.

its the pepole who act all high and fucking mightly that should be shot down to size.

i take coke and no one thinks any less of me for it.

pete
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:iconpeskaa:
peskaa Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
So calling someone a wanker is a really good way to get your point across? No, it wasn't.

Personally I couldn't give a fuck if you take drugs or whatever. I certainly am not going to call you a moron and laugh at you, it is your choice. But if you want people to not look down upon you then rise above them instead of lowering yourself to their level. :)
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:icongdpr-1611566:
gdpr-1611566 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006
sounds fair enough.
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:iconodayaka:
odayaka Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I dunno, I find it pretty funny that the guy knew he had a drug test the next day and STILL did coke anyway. I call that "being a dumbass." People have every right to laugh at dumbasses.

It's not so much that he's doing drugs, it's that he was stupid about it.
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:icongdpr-1611566:
gdpr-1611566 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006
yes i agree - but they wernt laughing at him for doing somthing stupid were they.

pete
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:iconodayaka:
odayaka Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Agreed there.
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:iconjagerofdarkness:
JagerOfDarkness Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2006
I think that someone who wants to do something illegal and then not pay the consequences of it are perfectly fair game to be laughed at.

In fact, I'm laughing at 'em right now. If he decides to break the law and do something stupid, he can pay the price, and he deserves to. Asking for 'help' just makes it funnier.

JOD
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:icongdpr-1611566:
gdpr-1611566 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006
why - its not as if its moraly wrong - well is it?

it does no harm to anyone else around you - unlike smoking and you dont act like a prick as you do when you drink.

in fact i can think fo no reason for it to illegal other than that its adictive and harms you a bit - but if thats the case shouldent (chain) smoking and alocholisam be illegal as well?

i could understand you laughing at some one like a bank rober or thief asking for help but some one wanting to pass a drugs test?

pete
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:iconjagerofdarkness:
JagerOfDarkness Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006
If he wanted to pass a drug test, then he shouldn't have taken drugs right before one. And, it does harm those around him. It is unfair to his employer, who believe they are hiring someone who is clean, and who strictly want to hire someone who is clean. It harms the other employees, because if he did pass, then he isn't being judged by the same standards as everyone else. It harms society because he shows blatant disreguard for the laws. If he disagrees with them, he should take it up with lawmakers, not secretly go about breaking the laws then squirm when he's about to get in trouble. The consequence of him doing drugs is termination, and I think it's hilarious that people don't realize that.

I personally think it's stupid. I'd never do it. I'm against others doing it because it's against the law, and you can't pick and choose what laws to enforce/obey - it's just not logical or right.

JOD
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:icongdpr-1611566:
gdpr-1611566 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006
alright then - if thats what you think then fair enough.

pete
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:iconaeternaldelerium:
aeternaldelerium Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Get a friend to pee in a ziploc bag or something else that you're sure will stay sealed. Make sure they're clean first, btw, so you're not double fucking yourself over.

Now, you have to get this ziploc bag into your pants somewhere where it will remain hidden and will stay easily.

Proceed into the testing center. Wait until they call you back, go and drop off all your belongings, etc. except the ziploc bag (don't mention that either) into the bin. They'll lock it, then describe to you the process, and hand you a plastic cup with a black line on it and point you to the bathroom.

Close the door. Unzip pants. Take out ziploc bag. Pour contents softly (so as not to be heard) into plastic cup. Piss in actual toilet (if they ask, say that you filled the cup but still had to go). Now, zip up pants, replace plastic bag, get yourself looking all nice and relieved and shit.

Open the bathroom door and exit. They'll take the cup, flush the toilet, ask you to wash your hands, etc.

(I don't guarantee this will work, but it's the best shot you have, given the circumstances.)
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:iconrmpaul:
rmpaul Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006  Professional Photographer
Last time I took a drug test they checked the temperature of it first thing, so as to avoid exactly what you're describing.
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:iconaeternaldelerium:
aeternaldelerium Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Hmmm... there has to be a way you can heat it up. There just has to be.
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:icontermite-of-justice:
termite-of-justice Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2006
Maybe like...running hot water in the sink? Or keeping it against your body?

Goodness, there has to be a way!
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:iconaeternaldelerium:
aeternaldelerium Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2006
Best thing that I can think of at the moment is a lighter (risky), or a few of those "Hot hands" chemical pouches (sneaky).
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:icontermite-of-justice:
termite-of-justice Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2006
The chemical pouch won't heat it enough; I don't think there's an efficient way to even get it partially heated.
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:iconaeternaldelerium:
aeternaldelerium Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2006
We must find a way! :)
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:iconwaytogokip:
waytogokip Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006   Writer
they usually send someone in the bathroom with you to make sure that exact thing isn't happening.
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:iconaeternaldelerium:
aeternaldelerium Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
It definitely didn't happen where I got drug tested last Wed (I passed, btw). They have someone at the door listening, so you have to be discreet, but they never come in to check on you or watch or anything, which is why you have to be careful about making noise and such.
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:iconwaytogokip:
waytogokip Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006   Writer
they must be very trusting
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:iconaeternaldelerium:
aeternaldelerium Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Maybe. I don't know.
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:iconsolestial:
SolestiaL Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
:roll:Better idea. Don't do drugs in the first place! That's what these tests are for, catching out people like you. ;PIf someone gave you advice on how to do that, they might as well be helping you to break the law.
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:icontasky:
Tasky Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006  Professional Photographer
Your fucked yep that your are!
But good luck anyways!
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:icondieingchild:
dieingchild Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
The only chance you have is to drink a gallon of water an hour before the test, other than that your screwed.
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:iconturtlesmasher:
TurtleSmasher Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Six bottles of water so far..
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