Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
The Author - Book 1 Page 2 by fluoroid The Author - Book 1 Page 2 by fluoroid
Annnd we're off.




First Page:  The Author - Book 1 Page 1 by fluoroid

Next Page:  The Author - Book 1 Page 3 by fluoroid
Add a Comment:
 
:iconburningartist:
BurningArtist Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Ooh, I didn't get it at first but is there an earth quake?
Reply
:iconfluoroid:
fluoroid Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2018
Yes! Haha... It'll be crystal clear in the next page.
Reply
:iconmagerblutooth:
MagerBlutooth Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2018
Allow me to provide some feedback for you.  

My first question: Would this be Book 1 Page 2? Wondering if you'd like to keep that in the title for consistency.

The rough, hand-drawn keyboard has a nice charm to it, but the lack of depth makes it look like it's meant to be a pretend keyboard in-universe. If the keys had a little depth to them, it would go a long way. 

The detail in the computer screen is fantastic, definitely looking like the bulk of the work. You went for the hand-drawn menus over typing them in, even though typing them would have given it more of an "official" look. It gives it a certain charm instead, though you could have captured a stronger look if you maintained the consistency of font size. The "Normal" and "Times New Roman" look a little stretched out and don't quite fit the other options. The menus on top have great consistency.

You know what I think this page needs most of all? Hands! A single pair of hands above the keyboard would add that extra dose of human that we're looking to see. Our first glimpse into the character we are expecting to follow that acknowledges his presence in the room. Beyond that, it's the perfect vehicle for providing a little dose of character through the use of hand language. With that rumbling noise, you can have them flare out and stiffen to show shock or remain in typing mode to show focus. Have them rest on the keyboard to showcase the apathy of the fictional world staying fictional, even with the rumbling noise. As with most cartoons, having two panels of hands to show a transition in mood would be even better, but you can still inject a lot of character with one. 

Bear in mind that we have a voice with no body thus far in the comic, meaning we as readers have no tangible being to place ourselves in yet. The speaker could be a young girl or a talking can of tomato paste; we don't know either way. The story remains abstract until some sort of character appears. Remember: Your characters are fragments of yourself. Until your characters appear, your story lacks you. Come on down, fluoroid. We can't start the party without you.
Reply
:iconfluoroid:
fluoroid Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2018
Ah, those are interesting ideas. I'll definitely think about your suggestions if I go back to touch it up.
I'm still not very practiced at paneling, what to include and what to eliminate. As it is, I'm just trying to produce more quickly. In the past I've gotten easily burnt out by demanding as perfect as I could get it. As a result, some of these pages are going to be poorer in quality than others. >.> I think this is gonna be one of those. xD Hopefully despite those hang ups, you and the other readers will be able enjoy it for the most part. (:
As always, thank you very much for your feedback. I very much appreciate your perspective and our chats.
Reply
:icongoldelocks:
GoldElocks Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2018
Oh man, sounds like classic Ryhn, so grumpy. I'm excited to see what's happening!
Reply
:iconfluoroid:
fluoroid Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2018
Haha... me too. I'm making more pages and keep getting more excited. xD
Reply
:icongoldelocks:
GoldElocks Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2018
Good! I’m glad to hear it!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×




Details

Submitted on
July 10
Image Size
283 KB
Resolution
701×990
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
90
Favourites
14 (who?)
Comments
7