just do..

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Fluegel's avatar
By Fluegel
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I just feel like writing what is in my head .. so I hope it does not get too much so some might read and tell me the best ;P You can also go ahead whishing me the best without reading. I guess it's still quite the same.

Tomorrow I will go to our local art university and talk with a small group about my work to get feedback on it. This would be the assistance of the "communitcation-design"-class which I feel like I could like. On Friday I will go to the same thing but with the "graphic design" class.

I'm a bit nervous because I remember how - with 17 years and a great lack of selfesteem - I reacted after being rejected. I literally dropped art, started to study what I study now (which was not a bad choice but does not feel very close to .. me). And also at the end of last summer I went to a talk with the class for art teacher after (which I now really don't want to do) being very motivated by the teacher for figure drawing-class and was "blasted" away by the exhousted teacher who mainly said how stupid I am to think that 20 works mean 20 works (obviously, how could I!!!) and that for what I brought with me it's mainly all rubbish (to say: cheesy) but for one photo where she did not get the direction first which actually made me giggle.. ;) To me it seemd like she went for A2 drawings of mostly abstract things and street art and compared to that - of course a4 drawings are not the same.

With my study I have no time to actually do all the works I would really love to do. My heart bleeds when I stay with small ACEO-Cards because I prefer working "in one blow" and cannot stay up late night all the time just for that because I already have to stay up all night for what I'm doing. I so much do look forward to my Bachelor! I like to finish things and to start new ones. I often feel tired and "slow" so changes push me.

So this is the first point .. I cannot show off what I do want to. I now managed to gather some works, but some of them are really old and do not quite represent me now .. . So I will do some sketches for tomorrow to at least see if what I have in mind is what they like to see.. .

I just do hope that it is not going to be the "fuck off bitch" method again. I'm afraid that this might push me back to a very desolate state I've actually been before questioning if I "will ever make it" and "realizing" that I'm far away from whatever I would like to be in that moment. It's actually most of the time the same with me so I try to stop worrying my head sick and it works most of the time.. . It's like I write exams and right away apply for "doing it again" and when I get my grate I realize that I did a perfect job and do not have to do it again at all. It is not so much the fact of being wrong, but the mere fact that I keep having "bad vibrations" far too long.

The next problem is the ever existing pressure I feel - I do not know if this is acutally what I want. How should I, if I never had the chance to try. I like working for clients and I notice that my work is quite decent to what other people do (at least .. sometimes) that have not been educated or did not do something almost completely different next to it as "full-time-job" but I also feel that I'm not knowing enough (and therefore am not as good as I could be) and think that education or educating myself would make a big deal. On the other side .. I used to really know that from all graphic-related jobs I do not want to do advertisements. Which now changed .. a little. So I just will see. But then I also have and had the very deep interest in psychology and therapy-methods such as art-therapy for disabled or mentally ill people and since very little I wanted to do something that changes the world for a better place (if at least at a small grade) and not make things worse .. which explains why I would not be absolutely fond of doing advertisement (and similar except its for a good purpose - then I would love to do it .. but we all know that those "good things" are rare) .. .

I'm very excited for what will happen this year because I really hope that I will head into a new direction and maybe find what I'm looking for and not what other people are looking for me. But mainly I'm afraid that I will not. So this is the worry-head I want to get rid of because to me it's more this problem then the problem of not making it ..

Sorry for writing so much.. o.O

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© 2011 - 2020 Fluegel
Comments10
anonymous's avatar
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AmethystWinds's avatar
You have raw talent, Fluegel, and bursts of imagination any artist would be jealous of! Don't give up! :D
Fluegel's avatar
FluegelHobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much :hug: I won't .. would be a waste, I guess.
MarinaVeselinovic's avatar
MarinaVeselinovicProfessional General Artist
Don't give up!!!! Whatever you do, or you want to do (deep in your heart) just don't give up, no matter what teacher or anyone else says! Don't let some stupid teacher discourage you.
Fluegel's avatar
FluegelHobbyist General Artist
thank you very much for your kind words! :)

I've now been to both classes with nearly the same work .. and now i'm so confused and the same problem over again .. .

Advertisement-Class says, mainly, "fine work, more series, better presentation, ..." - mainly okay.
Graphic-Design-Class says that it's too straight, not loose enough and that I should concentrate on the message, on what I want to tell, rather then on the visual point. Actually the letting-go point, I would say. They want to see me and not my exercises while the advertisment-class wants to see both.

I'm so confused now .. it's because I like both. I (would) like doing extremely beautiful work and transporting messages (just like it is with both :/) but I also like "rough", personal and strong works that might not be that beautiful and well executed..
Also I feel more attached to the rough side but too "shy" for it, in some way. As well as I do not really like the philosophy of advertisement that much (also with the argument that I could be "one of the good ones").. :(

Next point is that to me the graphic-class seems more sympathic on the human side. More social, less challange between the people .. so it's more the graphic-design-class after all. I might do some work and then come back to see what they think after that.

Sorry for spamming ^^
MarinaVeselinovic's avatar
MarinaVeselinovicProfessional General Artist
I studied graphic design, and here it's graphic design equal advertisement and I don't like that. I hate to do commercial stuff like calendars for some company that produces meat or stuff like that. I like doing book covers and posters for theatre, because it gives me more artistic freedom. But I made mistake at first place, because I wanted to study illustration...but such is life!
But if you have separated advertisement from graphic design I would suggest that you go for the graphic design...it's more artistic and free. :heart: But that is my opinion...you should do what you think that you want the most!
Hope I was helpful :D
(sorry for my messy English)
Fluegel's avatar
FluegelHobbyist General Artist
thank you very much =) what do you study now? or simply what are you doing now?
I will see what comes .. I hope for the best. At the moment I'm so stressed from university. I have 4 exams in one week beginning with the 31th .. :( And I did not really start to learn for them yet .. .
I would like to do a varity of things. Maybe also illustration. I like digital art and photography a lot. It's difficult ^^ Let's see if my new ideas give me satisfaction. I want to do some artwork about the food-system =) (which is actually something I want to do for such a long time).
MarinaVeselinovic's avatar
MarinaVeselinovicProfessional General Artist
I don't study anymore, I am finished with school. Now I am trying to find a job, but it's very dificult period in my country right now, and getting a job is very hard (almost imposible), somethimes I make posters for theatre and book covers but that's not enough for living. In the summer I'm going at the sea and doing portraits there, and that money I spend later over the year. Sad story :D
At first I wanted illustration and maybe anmation, but it was very expencive and I gave up. But now when I think about school, it's not very important what you learn in there, if you really love something you can always learn by yourself, with more passion.
Fluegel's avatar
FluegelHobbyist General Artist
you are so right about this .. I try to just see what comes. maybe i will just let a year pass without further education, but work on my own.
illustration would also be something i'd love doing .. .
I hope you get some jobs soon!! :)
MarinaVeselinovic's avatar
MarinaVeselinovicProfessional General Artist
You know what's best for you! :heart:
Thanks, I hope I will get job, too.
Fluegel's avatar
FluegelHobbyist General Artist
I wish I would know .. but I think I will notice on the way anyway. It's just .. it has to be visual, I guess :P
I like the posters you have done using your personal style. they are really cool (have been visiting your portfolio :>)
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