YO YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME AND DON'T YOU DARE FORGET IT
Old stamp collection sta.sh/01qjrz8qvx92
Leo the LionIt's the time of the year when people start getting caught in the rain because they think it's still summer
I'm under the gutter getting my knees wet thinking maybe tomorrow I'll get sober
Thinking about tomorrow and what I'll do to make them worry less or maybe I could stop being such a waste
or such a hassle another thing to deal with
I was an Astronaut I was a Musician I swam with sharks
I am a failure I am a drop out I am a bulimic I am the lack of motivation when you wake up hung over.
I can't move from this spot but I feel guilty to stay here
I feel guilty to stay anywhere
I need constant night, constant intoxication, constant assurance and constant love
I can't even play one note or draw one line or eat one thing
I can only drink like a fish and waste money, time, my life and everyone else's
What do you want to be when you grow up
I wasn't counting on myself growing up to be a lazy dirt stain on an old couch
I've lost who I am
I was Leo the Lion and
what will become of us...within lifetimes from now
what will we be
what achievements might
twist us into something
beyond imagining, but
what if it's worse than
we could think
the future is
a foreign place
with untrod ground
and dark woods
and dark seas
boiling with possibility
for great and
where will our feet lead
what paths will we
a world which won't
recognize us for
what we once were
what happens when
we lose ourselves
and the many millions
that might possibly
turns us into
what if the stars revile us
and god turns his back on us
and we come to the point
where we deem ourselves
unworthy to continue existing
what if we shouldn't be
what are we
and what will become of us?
irisi press honeysuckle into the spaces between my knuckles so that when i punch you,
you won't taste the blood; you'll just taste the wildflowers.
& yeah, i might knock all your teeth out, but daisies will grow back
in all the spots your bones used to be.
trust me, i'm doing you a favour;
pain makes you look prettier. broken & beautiful is the hot new thing.
now you'll cry pollen instead of tears, & boys will fall all over you.
they'll bring you buttercups & stumble over their words when they try to talk to you.
& when you die, everyone will cry & bury you in bleeding hearts instead of soil,
because they can't bear to cover you in dirt.
prurient fingers pinch and pokeoh spring i pity you
those philosophers’ fingers,
their gaping mouths devouring the honeysuckle sweetness
of your dawns-
i cry for you, sister-season,
for i too have known the prurience of
balding philosophers, i too
have felt the sweetness pulled from my
that hand with dirty knuckles,
a bee bouncing from flower to unwilling flower,
pinning them against the wind,
pressing pollen to their faces
spring you are cold in mo(u)rning
hot in afternoon
spring it’s okay to take a moment to understand
that forgiveness won’t come easy,
the stains of love are hard to fade
and while your beauty was intoxicating
it wasn’t your fault for getting him drunk
in the chillest of your nights
as you die again in winter,
so will the memory
of his hands
under, undead, undonei ask her to wear my collarbones like a crown.
she turns with bloodied hands & empty eyes,
one more betrayal away from nodding.
he can fit his fingers all the way around my wrists,
but then again, so can most people.
those who get close enough to try are usually too busy
holding my hand to bother, anyway.
i sit with my knees against my chest,
within kissing distance if i feel like
acknowledging the bruises.
sometimes i think about how beauty isn't skin-deep;
it's a battle that rattles your bones
until they rise to the surface.
being weightless would be freeing
if it didn't feel so damn heavy.
*crawls out of hibernation*Hello everyone!
So, I'm finished with my exams for the semester! Which means I can return my focus to writing and games! Yay! I missed you all very much. Hope everyone is well.
June 30th, 2018I used to think a lot about wearing your clothes and having you teach me how to put on makeup. You have so many nice things. You have everything you could ever want in your life. I don't really understand how you could be so sad. I still remember all of the sorrow and pain in your eyes that night. I wonder what you saw in mine...
Did you burn all of those things I gave you? Or did you just rip them to shreds and throw them in the trash? There's no way you would have kept anything a horrible monster made for you. I'm sorry. I really wish I was as beautiful as you...
I keep hoping one morning I'll wake up and you'll be beside me. But you never are... I'm really tired of crying. I just want to die...
I love you, Edgar. ♥
June 27th, 2018I love dreaming about us. The only problem is when I wake up and realize you're not really beside me...
Last night was a nice one. The first thing I remember was being outside your house at night. I don't know how I got there, but I think I had some bags with me. Then you, your family, and I all stood around and talked about what should be done with me. And finally, it was agreed I should stay with you.
I got to go take a shower, which felt lovely. And then afterwards, I went out to your living room and curled up beside you on the couch. I think we stayed like that the rest of the night. Cuddled warmly in each other arms. That's where the dream ended anyway...
I hate myself for not saying what I should have that night. I might actually be beside you right now if I had...
I love you, Edgar. ♥
June 26th, 2018I'm cold. Everytime I lie down lately, I get a really strong need to cuddle. I have my favorite stuffed animal, but I don't think it's the same. I want to feel warm, protected, calm, happy, wanted, and loved. Things that inanimate objects could never really give me.
I want to cuddle you. Only you.
I love you, Edgar. ♥
6.25.18i think most of you know i'm not overly fond of making journals. i guess if i thought about it i could pinpoint why, but i don't really feel like it. at any rate, i figured it was time for an update. u guys deserve to hear from me, especially since i'll be dropping off the face of the earth in a week for camp.
so first of all, yeah, camp. the week of july 1-7 i will be at camp. service there is always sketchy, although when i dropped my sister off yesterday it seemed a lot better than previous years. there is a slight chance i'll be able to check my phone in the evenings, but i definitely won't be as active (anywhere) regardless.
also, school ended a month ago. i'll be a senior next year, which means i have to start doing college stuff, like... now. i already know what i want to do, so i really just have to figure out where i'll be going & how the fuck i'll pay for it (hello, scholarships!). i'm not super excited to stress over college essays & the like, but i am kinda pu
...I asked my dad if I could shave my head.
He said no.
I asked him if I was a boy would he let me shave my head.
He said yes.
personal updates: 6/25/18Hey, I feel like I should make a new journal, so here we are.
So what's new? Hmm...
For one, I graduated from my high school last Tuesday. (Wow, I actually graduated. I got my diploma. High school is officially over for me. Uh yeah wow.)
(Pfft. I still can't really believe I'm 18. Even I mistake myself for being at least a year younger than I really am.)
At this time tomorrow, I'll be at the airport waiting to go on my flight to France. It's crazy. I'll be in Paris in just over a day.
It's the main thing I was looking forward to this year. And now I'm scared I won't really have a great time. I don't know why, I'll just blame my countless insecurities. Heh.
(I also only know very few words in French + their pronunciations. I looked up more today though. Oh heck, what am I gonna do? Hahahahaha, I'm just gonna walk around like a complete fool. (rip))
I only typed up journals on my school iPad, and now that school's over, I don't have the iPad anymore. And so, I'm posting literature
June 25th, 2018I always thought marriage was stupid. There's no point in it at all. Why would an expensive ring, a few words, and a piece of paper mean someone loves another more than two people who just have each other? But I have, on a few occasions, thought of us being married. I don't know why. It's just one of my stupid dreams I'll never see in this life...
There seems to be so many people dying lately. My grandmother died a few weeks ago. But I never feel anything when something dies. I never have. When any of my pets died, I would just blink and let my bitch of a "mom" dispose of them. I'd never go to their graves or give a damn at all really. What's the point in caring about something when it's dead? It's gone. Even if other lifetimes exist, what's to say those things will be offered one?
I just wonder how much longer until I join them.
I love you, Edgar. ♥
June 24th, 2018Is it bad that I kind of want to have a seizure and die? I hate having them, but that's only because I have to wake up from them. I completely ruined the only chance I'll ever have of looking into your eyes and saying "I love you". And I'm just sitting here waiting for you to tell me to kill myself. If I had a seizure, I wouldn't need your permission. I would just be gone.
My body hurts and I cry too much. I don't know if you feel this anyway... You don't even read these...
I love you, Edgar. ♥
June 23rd, 2018I really want to be in your arms. I want to feel safe and happy again. The only way I know how is with you though...
I'm so tired and sick of being here. I want to go home. I'm sick and tired of being fat and ugly. I wish I could be beautiful like you.
I wish I knew if you read these. Even if you could give me a subtle sign, something only I would understand...
I miss you so much.
I love you, Edgar. ♥
Honestly i'm not sure if i'm okay
Current residence: Any way the wind blows
Favourite genre of music: Classic Rock
Favourite style of art: Psychedelic
Shell of choice: Bomb
Favourite cartoon character: Heroin Jimmy -> electricsorbet.deviantart.com/…
Personal Quote: "Baby since I've been loving you, yeah, I'm about to lose my worried mind..."
Queen, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, David Bowie, Elton John, George Michael
Tom Petty, Guns N' Roses, Jimi Hendrix, Def Leppard, The Police, Janis Joplin, U2, Rush, Beatles, Stones, Soundgarden, Nirvana, Van Halen, Black Crowes, Bon Jovi, Paul Simon, Green Day, AC'/,DC, Sting, Freddie Mercury solo, Foreigner, Bob Seger, Counting Crows, Phil Collins, Bad Company, REM, Wham!, Pearl Jam, and more
Thanks to Bistraja for teaching me how to add pictures <3
Of A Gay Teenager's LoverConfessions of a Gay Teenagers Lover
end song ends on lostwhere do the tears go when i weep
coffee grounds.in the beginning, beginning of time, beginning of space, beginning of life, you and him are the same. you are the dust from the same star, the start of each other but also the end. when you crash together, you become one another. when that very same star dies, you are both, in turn, separated into elements that would, in time, grow and change. that stardust becomes a soul, a long, long time from now, but until then, you are content to be, and not be, each other. made from the same thing, but different. your own, unique.
His HandsOh, he could melt your heart just saying, "Hello". His hands were continents and you could tell he played the piano if you let him rest his hand on your closed eyes. They were restless, trembling things, but there was a hum of energy and compassion always present that coursed from his fingertips.
note me if i know you and you want my discord
♥ Hey, please NOTE ME if you want to talk! I won't answer comments. Go ahead and post them if you want, i'll always read them. ♥