Things need not have happened to be true.
The day was truly perfect. A blue sky lightly dotted by clouds, birdsong dancing from tree to tree, the far-off muntain range majestic an-
The day was truly perfect. A blue sky lightly dotted by clouds, birdsong dancing from tree to tree, the far-off mountain range majestic and serene, their rocky faces peering down at the scene before them.
“Isn't it wonderful, Mel?” A woman spun around, head turned up to face the sky with a mouth split open as if a laugh were about to bubble forth at any
The Home Depot Employee had seen a lot of things. People constructing PVC forts in the aisles, children getting ahold of the keys to the forklift and terrorizing shoppers with the vehicle, and more. But she hadn't ever seen something quite like this...
“Sir, could you hold up for a moment?”
The shoplifter turned his head to see if he was the one being hailed down, but only stopped waddling out of the store after the employee repeated herself. “Uh, sure. What's the matter?”
“Sir, please remove the chainsaw from your pants.”
“The what?!” The shoplifter’s hands immediatel
“So, I've been thinking-”
“Really? That's a first.”
“-about soap. Like, what happens when you drop it in something dirty?”
“It… Gets dirty?”
“Well, yeah, but soap is used for cleaning. So would it get dirty, or would the dirty thing get cleaned?”
“Duh, the soap is dirty. Haven't you ever seen a bar of soap with hair and stuff all over it?”
“Ew, no. Although if I'm correct-”
“Which you rarely are…”
“-then all that stuff is actually clean and you can wash yourself even with a bunch of junk on your
“Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad.”
Samantha stared at the name printed on her birth certificate in shock and horror. “I, I… No, this has to be a joke of some sort, it must be!”
“Well, come on, spit it out!”w
“No! My life is ruined if this gets out, ruined, I tell you! And you are not going to read this, never ever ever! Just imagine what the kids at school will say if you tell them!”
“Well, I won't. I'm not a jerk; I won't tell people what it says.”
Samantha stopped her wailing and just looked at her older sister C
You have lived a proud life. Perhaps you have never been able to see the world, but you grew up with friends always around you. Others, you hear, look down on you and your kin, but you don't care because your life seems perfect.
One day, a massive object appears and kills you and everyone you know.
It was not physically painful, but how your corpse is treated causes you plenty of grief. While your body is chopped up and fed to animals, your head is gathered and placed in a container along with those of your family and shipped off to a facility. Your head is then ground up and mixed with the bodies of countless other people until
There is a little sociopolitical joke that goes like so:
Luxembourg: We declare war on China!
China: Who is this? Is this a joke?
Luxembourg: Haha, you'll never defeat us!
China: Because we'll never be able to find you! Where are you on a map?
Luxembourg: Surrender now or face our wrath!
China: This is a waste of our time. We refuse to fight this war.
Luxembourg: Hooray, we win!
Unfortunately, as Chinese officials know very well where and what Luxembourg is and take any declaration of war against the country very seriously, this was a terrible premise for an April Fools joke.
You call us monsters.
You call us the stuff of nightmares.
You call us insane beasts incapable of feeling any emotion.
But I contend that we are more sane than you. You are a people possessed by fear, your image of us tainted by the countless books, movies, and games dedicated to what you always knew were mindless drones thirsting for bloodshed. We, however, have no fear because we have already passed from life into death and have emerged alive. When not even death can touch you, what is there to fear and cloud your mind?
But should you need physical confirmation, I will tell you this: most of your technology is still f
Ingram stared off into the endless desert that laid beyond the protective dome of his house. His wife, Lyria, had been pressuring him to move out of the city for a long time. “The fumes corrode my motor shafts,” she often complained. “And besides, it's so peaceful out there. The hustle and bustle of the city just grinds my gears.”
Well, he had finally caved and bought a nice little space reminiscent of the old farmhouses on Earth from just over a millennia ago. He rather liked the rustic feel, now that he lived there. It had a certain sort of charm, although what he couldn’t place.
“Ingram, are you ready?”
“Hmm?” He stirred from his position and turned towards the cyborg leaning against the porch. “For what?”
“We're going down to the spaceport to meet my relatives. They want to see the house for themselves. ‘Is it made out of real wood?’ they were asking me. ‘Real as photons,’ I told them. I did tell you about this, right?”
“Oh yes, yes, that. Let me empty a bladder first, and
Christina was grinning with glee. Almost a year of work had led to this moment, and it was time to reap the rewards. Sure, there had been some complications along the way, but they had been well worth it. With the same hesitance that always comes with being the first of a kind, Christina started a fifteen minute timer and gingerly pressed the button that would hopefully boot up the world’s first fully sentient AI.
One of the Holy Grails of programming was sentience in a machine, and in the past, others had gotten incredibly close. But where they had messed up, in Christina’s “humble” opinion, was application. True intelligence came first from thoughts, not problem solving. So the solution to making sure the machine had sentience was by peering into its thought process while it did one thing: think. No sudoku, no prisoner’s dilemma, just let it sit and think to itself. Provided it worked, that was.
It had taken an extra bit of time to set it up, but she had made the AI in
Everyone told me there was no life in taxonomy. As it turned out, they were right, but not on account of money, as I learned immediately after graduating college. Just the very act of going to my hometown only two kilometers away showed me just how much the world had changed while I had been away- or rather, how much I had changed.
The path itself was just the same as every other time I had walked it before, as were the sights. I was meandering along, admiring the budding trees when a pair of fairies flitted across the path in front of me. I smiled and watched them chase each other as I attempted to determine their species.
Blue wings… Long, golden hair that floats behind them like ribbons… Skin that radiates a faint bluish glow like pure moonstone… Clothes spun of moss and soft emerald grass… Let’s say… Eastern blue-winged fairy.
I frowned. Why, that name didn’t nearly capture the tiny, impish beauty of the duo now sitting on a flower and dusting each other with
Christina was grinning with glee. Almost a year of work had led to this moment, and it was time to reap the rewards. Sure, there had been some complications along the way, but they had been well worth it. With the same hesitance that always comes with being the first of a kind, Christina started a timer and gingerly pressed the button that would boot up the world’s first fully sentient AI.
She had gone to MIT for moments like this. To use and create the cutting edge of technology, not to mention having a little fun along the way. Of course, Christina was a nerd by any standards. Dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge and packing
“Be of heart, and fear nothing. Your allotted days of
stupor have expired, and to-morrow I will myself induct you
into the full joys and wonders of your novel existence.”
“Hey, Andre; it’s Ernest again. Is everything all right? I haven’t heard from you. If you want to take the rest of the day off, I guess that’s cool. Just gimme a call – or even a text – and let me know what you’re doing. Or that you’re okay. Take it easy.”
“To replay this message, press one. To del—”
Andre pressed seven and hung up. He knew he sh
"And then, the world exploded!"
"Dad, you always end all stories like this. Why can't the world be okay?" The little girl pouted as she turned on bed to face her father. "Everyone knows explosions are only myths!"
"But this one is a true story, it happened many centuries ago. I was there!" The father grinned and patted his girl's head while his daughter made a face at him.
"How can you be everywhere?"
"I am god, I am omnipotent-"
The girl pursed her lips at him. "Omnipresent-" she muttered. "You suck! Your stories suck! You always destroy the world! You don't even know proper English! You're a horrible god!" She huffed and turned her bac
So I was doing some SAT practice on a website, and the lesson that came up was punctuation. I snorted and skipped the learning section of the lesson, going straight to the quiz on the topic.
19/20 was my score.
I don't know how I'll be able to look a ...