I honestly don't know if I would say that you've ever made me happy. Well, maybe. Maybe it's just a different kind of happy, you know? I don't know. I don't know if I've ever actually been happy in my life.
I guess that with you, I feel comfortable. I don't have to pretend anymore. See, I've always had this feeling, this gut instinct that everybody who I've ever come into contact with secretly hates me and that they wish that I was dead. So whenever I'm around people I get all worried and I try so damn hard not to fuck it all up and really make them want me dead.
But see, I think that the whole being paranoid thing comes from this fact that I kind of hate everybody. Well, no. I don't hate everybody. I don't even hate anybody, actually.
When I was little, I was always taught that you were the best or you were nothing. Either you're a winner or a loser, no grey area. So I always get real paranoid whenever I see someone and I can't see how I'm better than them in some way at first glance.