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I like to write for fun; not professionally. I respect freedom of speech, but not speech used to take away freedom.
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Styks'N'Stonz

I Survived...You will too!


The last thing I remember was diapering three kids all at the same time asking “How did I get here?” I blinked. I opened my eyes again, my son was handing me his high school diploma. I asked again, “How did I get here?”

Time goes fast. Make the most of it. The goal is moving forward and not looking back with couldas, wouldas, and shouldas biting you in the….

As those with kids know, and for those who want them, please understand, THERE IS NO HANDBOOK! No app. No YouTube video. You cannot Google the reality of your own life. There’s nothing to help you, except you.

I’m not the best mom. Unless your goal is purposely keeping therapists busy and rich,  you can't fail. There’s time to improve, you make it.

Get yourself together. Kids aren't accidents. If you're having sex, you can have a baby. If you don't know who you are or what you're about, why bring a kid into the world who doesn't either? Life is serious. You can’t take it back.  You only move forward.

Parenting is a different journey. I want to help parents survive this journey by sharing 10  tips (of millions). If I can help one parent, avoid mistakes I wish I had, my struggles weren't in vain.

1) If you’re crazy, your kids will be crazy. It’s hard work to be the best person you can be. It does pay off when you provide this world with better humans than you are. The better a human you are, even better humans your kids will be. Get yourself together, before you have kids that fall apart.

I was stupid enough to believe whatever I was: jealous, angry, scared, vain …my kids wouldn’t be. Children will be what you make them to be. Not only will your kids reflect what's in you, it'll be amplified; hopefully enough where you’ll see yourself reflected in your child.

Working on yourself isn’t easy. It’s harder seeing you need work and  making the time to do it. It’s easier to work on yourself now than to have to work on yourself AND your kids later.

2) Show love and affection. There’s no such thing as being spoiled with love. Love isn’t materialistic. Love doesn't reinforce fears. Love doesn't disrespect or take advantage. Hugs, kisses, and gentle words  make the world a sweeter place. Even animals show affection. We have to know how to protect ourselves and loved ones from the monsters outside. (Monsters being people) Love is also a feeling of giving protection.

The home I grew up in was lacking affection.  There were more assumed “I love yous” than verbal; far and few hugs and kisses. I’ve worked on being more affectionate, not fearing rejection. It’s hard to give what’s not truly apart of you.

3) Don't miss memories trying to preserve them. If it's that serious, pay someone to catch the moment  or just enjoy the moment. Preserving memories is simple nowadays. But attempting to preserve every single moment could cost you the actual moment.

I wanted to preserve my child's kindergarten graduation. She had a small speech. My battery died in my camera. Home was around the corner from the school. I literally ran there grabbed batteries and ran back. It took 5 minutes. I missed her speech. If I’d stayed, I would at least have had the memory. Worse, my child was disturbed wondering why I left in the middle of her graduation. She thought she had done something wrong. I try to live in the moment now. My life isn't a reality TV show. It’s also hard to enjoy life with one hand as a prosthetic camera.

4) Time is valuable. Tomorrow is not promised. We talk about making, spending, saving, and getting money. No one wants to waste it. Time should be used that wisely with ourselves, family, and friends. Make time. Spend time. It cannot be saved. You don't have to get it. Time is now. No words? Send an emoji. Person not available? Leave a message. Do arts and crafts. Go places, stay home. Talk. Get a pen and paper and write. Do something. It's better than wishing you had.

Time was wasted before my children's father passed away. He didn’t get, make, save, or spend the time with his children that he should’ve. He was a great man. We miss him and long for a simple fishing trip, words of how special a daughter is to her father, and passing skills to a son.

We now spend time watching movies, exercising, walking and talking. I'm exercising with my daughters and  sharing interesting and funny videos. My son entertains me with his knowledge of video game character analysis or some tech thing he learned. It's worth making and spending this time especially if the good times will outweigh the bad in memories.

5) Understand kids are unique and individual. They're not you. Before the umbilical cord is cut, the person is already independent  of you, thinking their own thoughts and figuring it out. Don’t assume they’ll make your same decisions, choices, or even mistakes you did. They may not like the same music, food, color. They may not have the same interest, political views, or even spiritual outlook as you.  And the more kids you have ...the more differences you’ll have to adjust to.

What a slap to the face it was finding my kids had such different perspectives on life. Sometimes I don’t understand them. It’s  hard to let go of my point and surrender to something new, different, and good. It's interesting having conversations with similarities and differences about  music. It’s also interesting sharing points of view on politics, religion, education, and sex. It is OK to disagree and let them have their own perspectives to shape their choices and decisions. Parents and kids can be right or wrong. Make sure all have the freedom to keep the conversation going. Diversity of ideas makes new ones.

6) Set flexible limits.

I failed miserably. I started out with schedules and do's and don't for eating, bedtime, and TV. With no agreed upon  ground rules and a big family, limits were lost. Some of the loss was not bad and fed into some freedoms I wish I had growing up. I do know it took a village to raise them. I couldn't do it on my own.

7)  This one is common sense and I should have awards for the most lacking of it. DO NOT ARGUE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!  Sometimes it can't be helped. When you realize it, stop. No one has to have the last word. Walk away. Calm down and discuss it. Arguing can be scarring.  It can also set in motion the idea that arguing is the way to handle disagreements.
I knew better from watching my parents, but tripled the amount of arguing in my relationship.

I am happy to say that in spite of this, and with the help of family, I believe my children will be able to demonstrate better relationship dynamics than their parents.

8) Communicate. Be open and honest; no need for lies. Self preservation will lead to isolation.  Sharing your life with your children will not make them walk your path. Being honest with them will open the lines of communication and trust.

My parents were not very open with me. I try to communicate better with my kids. Somethings about my life maybe embarrassing; shameful. I share them hoping to give them a choice through experience of how things can go; good or bad. Inevitability they will make their own choices. I have nothing to hide, though it's not easy. I have made bad choices. Everything was not bad, and all of it; good and bad, lead me to where I am today.

The goal in sharing the good, bad, and ugly is to give testimony to it. It helps you think  openly about choices and decisions, hopefully making the right ones. It tells your story, let's people know who you are, why you are, and the reason you are whatever you are. These stories are passed down through generations.You never die. You're never forgotten, and your good and bad continues to help your family as well as a life insurance policy.

9)  Preparing for the future doesn't  mean not enjoying the present. Money is not everything but you do need some to get through the many journeys of life: the birth of a child, school, car, home, and death. Just as you prepare to bring life, prepare for losing it. Death is inevitable. The worst thing you can do is not talk about it.

The father of my children was a strong man. I don't know anything he couldn't fix. He was like a superhero. He didn't want to talk about the reality of death. He thought there would always be time. He passed away with no insurance, leaving us in debt. He is not here to fix it. There is nothing super about it.

10) Make your own list. My ideas may not help you. Your ideas may help someone else. Maybe a list of common factors will one day be created. There  already one that you can’t parent without. Love.

These ten tips may seem light. Take them with the pressure of watching sand sifting through an hourglass and knowing it will end. Parenting is a huge responsibility. There will be good and bad days. We can survive parenting working together. I survived it. You will too.

Heart Love 

Activity


Styks'N'Stonz

I Survived...You will too!


The last thing I remember was diapering three kids all at the same time asking “How did I get here?” I blinked. I opened my eyes again, my son was handing me his high school diploma. I asked again, “How did I get here?”

Time goes fast. Make the most of it. The goal is moving forward and not looking back with couldas, wouldas, and shouldas biting you in the….

As those with kids know, and for those who want them, please understand, THERE IS NO HANDBOOK! No app. No YouTube video. You cannot Google the reality of your own life. There’s nothing to help you, except you.

I’m not the best mom. Unless your goal is purposely keeping therapists busy and rich,  you can't fail. There’s time to improve, you make it.

Get yourself together. Kids aren't accidents. If you're having sex, you can have a baby. If you don't know who you are or what you're about, why bring a kid into the world who doesn't either? Life is serious. You can’t take it back.  You only move forward.

Parenting is a different journey. I want to help parents survive this journey by sharing 10  tips (of millions). If I can help one parent, avoid mistakes I wish I had, my struggles weren't in vain.

1) If you’re crazy, your kids will be crazy. It’s hard work to be the best person you can be. It does pay off when you provide this world with better humans than you are. The better a human you are, even better humans your kids will be. Get yourself together, before you have kids that fall apart.

I was stupid enough to believe whatever I was: jealous, angry, scared, vain …my kids wouldn’t be. Children will be what you make them to be. Not only will your kids reflect what's in you, it'll be amplified; hopefully enough where you’ll see yourself reflected in your child.

Working on yourself isn’t easy. It’s harder seeing you need work and  making the time to do it. It’s easier to work on yourself now than to have to work on yourself AND your kids later.

2) Show love and affection. There’s no such thing as being spoiled with love. Love isn’t materialistic. Love doesn't reinforce fears. Love doesn't disrespect or take advantage. Hugs, kisses, and gentle words  make the world a sweeter place. Even animals show affection. We have to know how to protect ourselves and loved ones from the monsters outside. (Monsters being people) Love is also a feeling of giving protection.

The home I grew up in was lacking affection.  There were more assumed “I love yous” than verbal; far and few hugs and kisses. I’ve worked on being more affectionate, not fearing rejection. It’s hard to give what’s not truly apart of you.

3) Don't miss memories trying to preserve them. If it's that serious, pay someone to catch the moment  or just enjoy the moment. Preserving memories is simple nowadays. But attempting to preserve every single moment could cost you the actual moment.

I wanted to preserve my child's kindergarten graduation. She had a small speech. My battery died in my camera. Home was around the corner from the school. I literally ran there grabbed batteries and ran back. It took 5 minutes. I missed her speech. If I’d stayed, I would at least have had the memory. Worse, my child was disturbed wondering why I left in the middle of her graduation. She thought she had done something wrong. I try to live in the moment now. My life isn't a reality TV show. It’s also hard to enjoy life with one hand as a prosthetic camera.

4) Time is valuable. Tomorrow is not promised. We talk about making, spending, saving, and getting money. No one wants to waste it. Time should be used that wisely with ourselves, family, and friends. Make time. Spend time. It cannot be saved. You don't have to get it. Time is now. No words? Send an emoji. Person not available? Leave a message. Do arts and crafts. Go places, stay home. Talk. Get a pen and paper and write. Do something. It's better than wishing you had.

Time was wasted before my children's father passed away. He didn’t get, make, save, or spend the time with his children that he should’ve. He was a great man. We miss him and long for a simple fishing trip, words of how special a daughter is to her father, and passing skills to a son.

We now spend time watching movies, exercising, walking and talking. I'm exercising with my daughters and  sharing interesting and funny videos. My son entertains me with his knowledge of video game character analysis or some tech thing he learned. It's worth making and spending this time especially if the good times will outweigh the bad in memories.

5) Understand kids are unique and individual. They're not you. Before the umbilical cord is cut, the person is already independent  of you, thinking their own thoughts and figuring it out. Don’t assume they’ll make your same decisions, choices, or even mistakes you did. They may not like the same music, food, color. They may not have the same interest, political views, or even spiritual outlook as you.  And the more kids you have ...the more differences you’ll have to adjust to.

What a slap to the face it was finding my kids had such different perspectives on life. Sometimes I don’t understand them. It’s  hard to let go of my point and surrender to something new, different, and good. It's interesting having conversations with similarities and differences about  music. It’s also interesting sharing points of view on politics, religion, education, and sex. It is OK to disagree and let them have their own perspectives to shape their choices and decisions. Parents and kids can be right or wrong. Make sure all have the freedom to keep the conversation going. Diversity of ideas makes new ones.

6) Set flexible limits.

I failed miserably. I started out with schedules and do's and don't for eating, bedtime, and TV. With no agreed upon  ground rules and a big family, limits were lost. Some of the loss was not bad and fed into some freedoms I wish I had growing up. I do know it took a village to raise them. I couldn't do it on my own.

7)  This one is common sense and I should have awards for the most lacking of it. DO NOT ARGUE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!  Sometimes it can't be helped. When you realize it, stop. No one has to have the last word. Walk away. Calm down and discuss it. Arguing can be scarring.  It can also set in motion the idea that arguing is the way to handle disagreements.
I knew better from watching my parents, but tripled the amount of arguing in my relationship.

I am happy to say that in spite of this, and with the help of family, I believe my children will be able to demonstrate better relationship dynamics than their parents.

8) Communicate. Be open and honest; no need for lies. Self preservation will lead to isolation.  Sharing your life with your children will not make them walk your path. Being honest with them will open the lines of communication and trust.

My parents were not very open with me. I try to communicate better with my kids. Somethings about my life maybe embarrassing; shameful. I share them hoping to give them a choice through experience of how things can go; good or bad. Inevitability they will make their own choices. I have nothing to hide, though it's not easy. I have made bad choices. Everything was not bad, and all of it; good and bad, lead me to where I am today.

The goal in sharing the good, bad, and ugly is to give testimony to it. It helps you think  openly about choices and decisions, hopefully making the right ones. It tells your story, let's people know who you are, why you are, and the reason you are whatever you are. These stories are passed down through generations.You never die. You're never forgotten, and your good and bad continues to help your family as well as a life insurance policy.

9)  Preparing for the future doesn't  mean not enjoying the present. Money is not everything but you do need some to get through the many journeys of life: the birth of a child, school, car, home, and death. Just as you prepare to bring life, prepare for losing it. Death is inevitable. The worst thing you can do is not talk about it.

The father of my children was a strong man. I don't know anything he couldn't fix. He was like a superhero. He didn't want to talk about the reality of death. He thought there would always be time. He passed away with no insurance, leaving us in debt. He is not here to fix it. There is nothing super about it.

10) Make your own list. My ideas may not help you. Your ideas may help someone else. Maybe a list of common factors will one day be created. There  already one that you can’t parent without. Love.

These ten tips may seem light. Take them with the pressure of watching sand sifting through an hourglass and knowing it will end. Parenting is a huge responsibility. There will be good and bad days. We can survive parenting working together. I survived it. You will too.

Heart Love 

Styks'N'Stonz

A Choice





“I can't do this!” Michelle closed her laptop. Her notes taunted at her insecurities about tomorrow's test; throwing her words back. “You can't do this!”


“You can do it. We both can. You're not alone.” Michelle was paired with a teacher assigned study partner for tomorrow’s Science test.


“I’ll pray over it. Will you pray with me? We'll keep doing our part. He won't let us down.”


Olivia was a classmate Michelle rarely talked to. She was friendly, quiet, and kept to herself.


“He who?” Michelle feigned ignorance.

“God.” Olivia said with sincere confidence. It was known that she was religious and spiritual.


Michelle wasn't in the mood to be drawn into conversation over her own beliefs.


“Oh Him. Yeah...not a big fan.” Michelle sighed.”If God was real, why would He answer something so silly? Whether we pass this test or not is on us.”


“We ask Him for guidance, and to open our understanding.”

“So...what? We need to go to church now?” Michelle asked, sarcasm seasoning her question.

“No. The church is the building; a place to worship. God is in you.”

“What!” Michelle teased. “Like a split personality?”

Olivia smiled. “Not exactly.“


“if He's in me, why even bother studying? He has all the answers. Let Him take the test!” She scoffed. “And how come I don't feel him or see him?”


Michelle wanted to shut herself up. She didn't mean to be brazen. Her own family talked about God and prayed when it was convenient. She didn't believe. There was no proof. Whenever the subject came up, she felt she had to stand her ground. Michelle didn't expect Olivia to answer, but she couldn't stop herself.


“If He's in me, in people, why is so much wrong in the world? Why do people suffer and hurt each other? Why does He let it happen? And everyone can't be perfect all the time. That's not real. Where are the miracles?”

Olivia was quiet.


“I’m sorry. You can't answer that.”

“I can, but you would have to be open. God is here. He doesn't need to be proven.”

“OK. I'm open.” Michelle threw out defensively. “What can you give me?”

“I can't give you anything. I can't make you believe in Him. God isn't going to force you to accept Him.”


“But if I don't, I go to hell, right?”

“Michelle, if you don't believe in God and Heaven, why would you believe in hell?”

“I don't. I wonder how you can?”

“It’s free will. He gave it to us all.


We’re born in sin. We have two minds. We do right. We do wrong. Sometimes temptation is heavy. God is there, in our conscious mind, to guide us in the right direction.”

“Yeah, it's not that easy.”

“It's not. It depends on what you want. Life is like this test we’re studying for. You choose your answers carefully. Some choices are no brainers. Some choices require careful thought, contemplation and consideration. For me, all choices require God.


“But sometimes those rules are hard even if you're good. Who can be perfect in them?”

“You can be as perfect as you choose to be. And you can ask for help as you choose. Ask for help in your thoughts, words, and actions. When we make mistakes...and we do, we redeem ourselves asking Him for forgiveness.”


“Really? OK, but if something or someone you want or need is right in front of you ...Come on...it's not easy.“

“You are right. Temptation is not easy. That is why there comes a time when you have recognize and set your own values, morals, and principles for your life; what you will and will not do and why.”


“People can have the best intentions and still make mistakes. Why do I have to believe in God for that?”

“To be a good person is a choice. To consider yourself a good person, you would have to have something to measure what is good and what is bad. Rules. God gave ten commandments to guide us.


If we fail, He is the judge of the intention. Some people don't know any better, some know exactly what their doing when they do wrong. Honestly Michelle, God is so obvious, sometimes I think people don't want to believe because they want an excuse to continue doing wrong.”

Michelle’s mouth opened. No words came out.  


“When Adam and Eve sinned, it was a death of their innocence, a birth of pain, guilt, and regret. From them, we’re born in sin. God allowed His son, Jesus to be sacrificed so we can  connect back to Him through our own sacrifices, our own choice of redemption through repentance. He didn't have to do any of it. He created this world and loved people enough to share it.  He only asks us to believe and follow his commandments.


If the ten sound complicated. Use the two greatest;  love Him and love your neighbor - people...all people. Treat them the way you want to be treated. If you don't know how to treat yourself, you do know what causes you pain and what help you require. Use that knowledge. He doesn't make it complicated. We do.”


“So God is going to help me pass this test?”

“I didn’t say that. I said I would pray for help opening our understanding to learning and preparing us for tomorrow. We will do our best. And He will guide the rest.”

“I knew you would get corny.” They laughed.


“It will take a miracle to pass this test. If He lets me pass, I might believe.”

“No. He doesn't work that way, Michelle. You can't threaten Him to do something to make you believe in Him. If you make the choice to accept Him, you'll  see the miracles all around you. He’ll love and protect you more than a parent. He’ll give you what you want and need as you understand it. Somethings He won't give. He knows it would be wrong for you, lead you in the wrong direction and against His commandments. Most of the time we don't even know what we want or need. He does. The more you give yourself to Him, the more you’ll see, feel, and know Him. The doors of Heaven will be open to you as a reward for your choices, your sacrifices, your love of your fellow man.


Olivia's words captivated Michelle like poetry.

Even if our families and friends on Earth let us down, or don't give us the love or protection we need, there is a spiritual family that will. It's there in you, that voice, the one that tells you what to do. There's one that tells you wrong, too. Don't be fooled. You can feel it. God's voice is selfless not selfish. That voice is your spirit leading make choices.

You always have a choice.”


Michelle felt heavy hearted. She wanted to know more about God. The questions had been there. She had more. Of course they would take time, but she would have to make the first move...a choice.


Michelle reached out.

“Olivia, can I pray with you?”

Olivia smiled taking her hand. “Yes.”




herviewfromhome.com/contact-us…


Catching Up


Atari, VCR’s, microwaves, cassette players, real page turning books and newspapers, shopping outside, playing full physical games and sports, three major network channels that went off at 1:00 a.m. Television began and ended. I was a child of the 80’s.


I remember huffing and rolling my eyes at my parents needing help utilizing some of their new devices.


We learned to use our first computer fast.  It was cool even with one game; Wheel of Fortune. No internet. Cooler; my mom’s wireless phone; which came in a briefcase.


As a teen, I was the only one I knew who had a pager. When the old computer was obsolete. I had a word processor. I sported a portable CD player, considering myself tech savvy.


I had gotten a DVD player and converted all my tapes to discs, then was gifted with an  MP3 player. Technology was moving fast!


Now, I’m on the receiving end of huffing and eye-rolling. I'm asking how do you download, upload, how much is a byte, the difference between mega and giga, and can you really trust “The Cloud”? My kids think its “cute” that I don't know these things. I never thought my parents were cute.


I wished for a Tivo and never bought a Blu-Ray. I couldn’t keep up. Still can't.


Worse; the apps being created faster than the kids being born  to create them. I feel so outdated.


I liked writing; pen to paper. Unfortunately for me, it meant looking over notes after an exciting writing excursion, finding I can't read my own handwriting. Google Drive saved my life.


My Twitter account happened because my daughter encouraged posting journals online. She helped me set up my account at DeviantArt.com, adding that I might have comments on the journals; better get on Twitter too. I never really got any comments, not one Tweet.


I do like Google Hangouts! I can give the kids reminders, messages, or when dinner is ready and I don’t have to holler through the house. My kids helped me figure these things out. As I got used to them, new platforms emerged.


I don't have a Facebook account. My son created one in my name to enter contest. Anyone looking would think I’m a gamer or contest fanatic. That’s not me. I don’t do Snapchat. Instagram, or Pinterest. I’m only subscribed to Superwoman on YouTube.


I don’t try to keep up. I go with the flow as needed. I’m told to move forward, I must keep up with the times. I have to be LinkedIn. A real Facebook  account is essential. Is it really?


I'm finally LinkedIn. Actually, it made me feel like I was catching up.  I joined an online book club because of it. I download books to my kindle and chat with others.


Complain I may, but technology is not slowing down. Maybe one day I’ll even be as cool as my mom. Even she has an Iphone. I wonder who’ll huff or roll their eyes now?




onlinebookclub.org/

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LoveEnergyandHeat Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2018  Hobbyist
Happy birthday! :D
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Spiritofdarkness Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2017
:iconllamajumpplz: thanks for the llama :)
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chateaugrief Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav--I posted a tutorial for this pic on Patreon.
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American River by chateaugrief
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feliceness Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2017
Thanks for letting me know. I will check it out. :)
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Sweetlylou Featured By Owner May 18, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the :+fav: on Casimodo and Esmeralda by Sweetlylou :iconbugplz:
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Sweetlylou Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the :+fav: on  Tired of warefare by Sweetlylou   Skull Kiss - Left by ReSkull
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feliceness Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2017
Well deserved!
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Joe-Roberts Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
 Thanks for faving :)
Wonder Woman by Joe-Roberts
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Thank you for the fave!
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