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  • Listening to: Gordon Ramsay yelling on TV
  • Watching: Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares
I found a lot of old stuffs I made and just added it here :D Weee, go me!
  • Listening to: Kelly Family
  • Watching: Monitor?
I seem to have fallen in love with THE KELLY FAMILY all over again XD it's lovely to listen to music that you heard as a child. Nostalgic <3

On a sidenote: Waiting for Warriors Orochi 3 in the mail! Been waiting since like forevah!
  • Listening to: Buncha aspies talking funny XD
I seem to sleep worse and worse >_< I can't fall asleep at night no matter how tired I am. I wake up 29379364 times and it takes FOREVER to fall back to sleep! And I wake up WAY too early!

I know for a fact that I stop breathing when sleeping and it disturbs my sleep pattern, and it pisses me off >_< I've spoken to my doctor, but all she could say was "YOU'RE FAT!"

Thank you, that solved my insomnia... -_-

*punches self* SLEEP!

Ooh, Matrix Reloaded on tv in 7 minutes! Time to go watch with ze buddies and eat popzcornz XXDD

On a sidenote to ya'll: PLAY SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI IMAGINE ONLINE!!! best game ERVA!
  • Listening to: The Kelly Family
I've been living here at a dorm for young adults with Aspergers Syndrome for 3 months now and I've really come to like it here and gained a lot of new friends.

Although, it seems the slight feeling of good to come, might have only been something I was imagining all along.

Ever been in a crowd of people, you're talking and laughing with them, yet inside you just wanna cry 'cause you don't feel that you're really supposed to be there. That's how I've felt lately.

Not like anyone's been treating me bad, I love it here and the people are great. I just can't shake the feeling of "not fitting in".

All through my life I've always ended up losing all my friends and I suppose that's what I'm starting to fear now.

These past couple weeks I've had more and more bad days. With sudden outbursts of tears and depressives thoughts. These past 4 days I've been crying for no apparent reason and I hate myself for it.

There's so many people who have a much harder life than me, yet I hate mine so much when I have so much to be grateful for. I just can't seem to find the light in my ever so dark life.

Sure, there's been things that made me happy, but those things could never keep me happy. It always went away eventually.

15 minutes ago I was laughing and playing Warcraft with 4 others. Now I'm sitting in my room alone, crying and hating everything I've ever been and ever done.

No matter how happy I think I've become; how many pills I eat to dull the pain, it always comes creeping back into my life.
  • Watching: Animal Planet
I had this crazy dream last night and I'm almost sad it's never gonna happen :(

I seriously dreamt that Road Dogg was on the cover of playgirl magazine! O_O Like, shirtless and wearing unbuttoned jeans *fans self* and he was really hott! Kinda like he looked in 1999 *faints*

I'm such a perv rofl XXDD

On a side note, I don't know what I've done to my knee, but I woke up last week and my knee was hurting. And it hasn't stopped yet >_< I can walk, but it hurts like a bitch when I bend my knee.

I blame the bed here. I want my own bed and I can't afford to buy one :( DAMN YOU VILE BED!
  • Listening to: &quot;My Demise&quot; - Wednesday 13
Times of change has come along for me (FINALLY)! I've been offered to move to a college for people with Aspergers about 2 hours away from where I live, and I accepted.

I will be starting on February 1st.

So far, all I really want of classes, will be English and Japanese (which is actually available)

I have no idea how long I'll stay there. It's a 3 year thing, but if I find an apartment after one year, it is possible to move out and continue classes on a regular college.

It's basically just a way for me to get away from home and start a life of my own and become independent of others. And to get a social life aswell.

Laptop will be with me, so it's not the last you've seen of me, just thought I'd share the good (but horrificly terrifying) news XD

Also... 8 days left for Japan! :D

And damn, I have 8 days to pack my shit, 'cause I have 2 days when I get back from Japan before I'll leave for the college O_o I have too much crap to pack LOL
  • Listening to: &quot;Eifersucht&quot; - Rammstein
  • Drinking: Cult
Yaay, thank you person whoever you were to report me for art theft and copyright infrigment. I get the Ginga recolors and Enzai wallpapers, sure... but... why, oh WHY did dA remove my Kip James website button and my Ginga teddy bears?!

The teddies were made from scratch in photoshop. Is it art theft or copyright infrigment to make fanart? O_o I don't see people's drawings of Naruto being removed.

And the Kip James button? Jesus Christ, it's the button for his official website WHICH I RUN! The picture I used for it was even sent to me from him! They did the same with the promo I made of him >_< they deleted it despite the fact that he was actually using it for autograph signings and merchandise.

They were REQUESTED from him! I'm pretty damn sure that qualifies as permission >_< good lord!

PS. 10 days left until I go to Japan ^_^
  • Listening to: &quot;Unbelievable&quot; - Def Leppard
  • Drinking: Water
So, I went to see my doctor yesterday because I was having serious mood swings. I could go from happy to crying... and that's not normal.

Came back home from doctor with a prescription for antidepressives for the moderate/severe depression that she told me I have.

I haven't taken my pill yet, I'm waiting until tomorrow evening since I am going out tomorrow with my parents, uncle and aunt to Tivoli in Copenhagen. I don't wanna risk getting nauseous or dizzy because of the pills.

I don't hope the pills are gonna mess with my body too much. I am going to Japan in mid-January and don't wanna be all sick because of them >_< that would seriously suck ass...

Have anyone of you guys (if there's anyone out there) had to deal with severe depression and can give some info on how long it can take for the depression to be cured?

Does anyone know the medicine? I think it was called Efexor or Efexive, something like that. Something with Efex anyway O_o

So, now I have Severe depression, chronic Social Anxiety Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome... I am starting to seriously doubt the possibility of a normal future and a regular life :(

On a side note, my biggest idol, Road Dogg aka BG James, has officially retired from the active wrestling ring. I'm crushed... He's only 39 :( And he's the reason why I am still alive. I was considering suicide in high school, but one day I saw him on TV and he made me smile and laugh. And made me wanna see what he was gonna do the week after :) I miss him >_<

I asked Kip James' wife if it was true, he had retired. She was the one who confirmed it. She also told Road Dogg that I was worrying about him. So I got a message from him through her. He said "Bless her heart" ^_^ he's so sweet. It's a shame I can't afford to go to Florida again so I could see him again... and be a total dork around him O_o

Another side note and note to self:
NEVER change profession in Warcraft again! I've farmed silk cloth and mageweave cloth for 3 days straight and my rogue still hasn't passed the mageweave spot in Tailoring... guh
  • Watching: Youtube :p
So, I just got a call back from my shrink about an hour ago.

Her and some other shrink had viewed my condition and all the notes that had been written down about me these past few months. They came to the conclusion that what I have indeed IS Aspergers.

You know, it's probably considered weird to be relived that I have Aspergers, but it opens the doors for a lot of opportunities for me. It gives me a chance to get an education or a suitable job.

I'm just shocked it's taken so long.

I really REALLY wish my school would have noticed something was wrong 10 years ago. I remember feeling awkward with other people all the way back to kindergarten. I'm 22 and now I finally know what's wrong with me.

If there had been done something 10 years ago, I could have had a job and a place of my own today.

My mom tells me to see if I can get some compensation for the past 4 years since the health system didn't seem to help me at all until recently. I spent 4 years on welfare, barely able to live on that when I should have had money from the health insurance thingys and not welfare.

However, I don't think suing is possible in Denmark O_o we just don't really use that much lol. I don't really care either, I just hope it sets off the start for a brighter future :)
  • Listening to: HIM - &quot;Love In Cold Blood&quot;
  • Drinking: Fanta
Well, most of you know that I have social anxiety disorder. So, according to my shrink, my anxiety might have been a side effect of the aspergers syndrome that I (aparently) have O_o

Well, thank you for telling me that... I had no clue, aspergers was even a possibility. On the other hand, aspergers opens up a whole new bunch of opportunities for me.

IF I'm diagnosed with aspergers, there'll be colleges I can go to, there'll be specific jobs I can get etc.

Since the Danish healthsystem doesn't clasify social anxiety as an actual disorder, I will be stuck on welfare and sent to random crap jobs that don't help me in my situation at all.

With an "actual" disorder, they'll finally have to give me the proper help I shoulda had 10 years ago.

And on to the good news, which for once, is more than ONE thing XD

1. Slipknot concert next week.
2. Angelo Kelly concert next week.
3. Children of Bodom concert next week.
4. J-pop convention next week. (busy week)
5. Got tickets for a soldout Metallica concert next year.
6. Only 3 more months before I go to Japan :D
  • Listening to: Rammstein - &quot;Keine Lust&quot;
*lmao* I've been dA for years and never noticed I could actually have a journal XD how lame is that?

Not that anyone would care to read this stuff O_o

Who knows, maybe I'll eventually remember to update something regularly >_<