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alive and kicking

Mon Jun 11, 2018, 2:38 PM

The short version

Life happens. I've always been bad about being active because of my issues and my lack of motivation, but goodness, this time life just threw me the ultimate curveball. I've discovered a lot about myself in this absence, mostly positive things. I've come back with a renewed mindset and the drive to make this community the best it can be. The main things that kept me away: my dad's battle with cancer, my mom now also is fighting a serious illness, my ex, my job, my inability to put myself before others. but hey, I'm working on it and I'm glad to be back. Before I get to the long version, I have a few things to mention.

  • a-nothing-girl -- that collab will happen. I'm going to note you as soon as I get a chance :heart:
  • DanielaIvanova -- that piece is coming. My deepest apologies, but one thing I can always give myself is I do eventually finish what I start.
  • WillTC -- that goes for you too, dear. It will happen.
  • to those of you who have outstanding unanswered notes from me, I am working toward replies.
  • to LadyLincoln, GrimmAssassin, Noitalapsi, thank you for being a constant support even when I'm absent. :heart: :tighthug:
  • Faewning for Favourites will be updated and posted every Friday. Keep me honest, guys.
  • And finally, I can't wait to catch up on everything and dive back in. I've missed you all.

The Long version

Where to start? 

My dad's battle with cancer is at a stalemate. His brain took the treatment well, but the lung and bone treatment has caused his liver and kidney to become damaged. If chemo continues, he could lose function in both. So currently, he is off chemo and waiting for the doctors to clear him for more treatment. It's been this way for months. Months and we've been doing nothing but waiting. I think I hate waiting more than anything. He doesn't even look like the same man to me anymore, just a silhouette of who I remember. But I'm determined to rekindle our relationship and keep it going strong for as long as we have left.

My mother has a tumor. Thankfully, its malignant, but she does have to have surgery to remove it. That, coupled with the stress she is under taking care of my father, has put her in poor physical and mental health. I've taken some time off work to spend with both of them and help do what I can. 

My job is leaving a stale taste in my mouth again. I knew I never wanted it to be long-term, but I'm starting to get so bored with the monotony of the work. I'm grateful I have a job, and I love my co-workers, and it's a good, understanding environment for me with all my issues. Everyone their respects me and knows not to touch me without warning, and for the most part, I don't panic when someone does bump into me which is a plus. But I knew I had to take control of my life again, so I've picked up some online classes to flesh out my resume and my interests. So far so good.

Oh boy, I don't even want to talk about this one, but writing journals like this and being honest with all of you feels so therapeutic to me, and most of you already know a good chunk of this story. Let's be honest, everything I write is about this, so strap in for more to the story about the boy who haunts me that I can't seem to shake. My ex has reappeared in my life without warning. Don't get me wrong, he never really left, but it has been a clean eight months since we've spoken or I've heard mention of his name. It's crazy because I am healed. I'm as happy as I can be. I'm being productive with my goals and my life. I don't resent him anymore or fear him or hate him. But seeing him after so long makes me wonder if I'm just that good at lying to myself. He's happier, which makes me happier, but I want to reach a point where we can be friends again, as close as we once were. I fear that won't happen, and my friends don't really want it to happen. I'm not sure how he feels, but I want to reach out to him. I just don't know if I should. 

But this isn't a negative journal entry, I swear. This is me trying to rebuild and reconstruct myself into a better version of me. This is me keeping you all up to date, and I'm always open to your opinions. Mostly, life has been positive, just trying at times. And there might actually be a new boy to write about lurking on the horizon. We'll see. :giggle:

how is everyone? what've I missed? drop me a note if you like or want to catch up or just comment below. I'll being seeing you all around soon!

Journal skin by ClearStyle
  • Listening to: Nervous -- Shawn Mendes
  • Reading: Athena -- Andy Weir
  • Watching: Shadowhunters
  • Playing: Stardew Valley
Add a Comment:
DanielaIvanova Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2018
Thank you for the headsup, don't worry about it. Keep being strong for your family and building yourself up. Sending prayers and good wishes your way <3
Faewning Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, dear and thanks for being so understanding. :heart: :tighthug:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
I will always be here to support you, honey. Thank you for being such a dear girl.

You have all of my prayers. My heart is with you during all of these difficult battles and I also sympathize greatly with the job troubles. 

Thinking of you with love,
Faewning Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much :heart: You are always a light in the darkness for me and it truly means a lot. 

I hate that you are going through similar job troubles, and I will have you in my thoughts as well.

Hope you are well, and I'm going to try my darndest to be around more to offer you the kind of support
you've always shown me. :heart:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, darling one. You honor me beyond words with your friendship and ongoing support.  small heart - purple by prettypunkae
Noitalapsi Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello dear, I'm so happy to hear from you!  Huggle! 
Even though life hasn't exactly been easy on you, but you're hanging in there which is great. 
It sounds to me that you, at least on the surface,
have an idea of what you're doing - that you know where things are going for most parts and at least how to try and come with it. 
That's good sweetie, really good. 

I myself have been, well, I've been good. But there are things I could tell you,
things that have spun around and I can just barely follow - I am fine, no need to worry about that - but this isn't about me this is about you.

So if you need someone to talk to, about anything and everything you know I'm here,
and I will listen what ever you wish to share and try to offer whatever I can to help, even if that is only me listening.
Faewning Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
I've missed you so much! I'm glad to be back, hopefully for a good long while. :heart:
I'm trying to do my best, and I want to hear about everything that you want to share, so send me a note and 
we can really catch up. Who knows I might start ranting to you about all of my fears and emotions and all
that fun stuff :giggle: 
Noitalapsi Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Well I'm glad to have you back, honestly, I've missed you too.
Heh, yeah, I'll send you one and you, feel free to rant, I mean it,
I'll listen and offer poor unprofessional advice that probably go in the category of "kitchen-psychology" or something.
I know I might end up ranting a little - hope you don't mind - so feel free to do the same. Heart 
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Submitted on
June 11


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