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EVILTWINMORDRED's avatar
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4321Sleep's avatar

How did I forget to add this to my faves?!?!? It's fantastic.

EVILTWINMORDRED's avatar

Thanks, there will be a conclusion to this

Very nice. One might suspect that Mr Gringle is not the only controller on the loose. ;P Very well written as always. I look forward to the follow up chapter or chapters.

southerncrossfire44's avatar

This is good stuff! Characterization is top notch, as always!

EVILTWINMORDRED's avatar

Thanks for the comments and Fave, as always.

SoftSubmission's avatar

Just another great addition for the Master of the Short Story. I just loved the narrators voice here. He (you) put in such lovely little details and asides as he described his thoughts, his past, what was happening. Soooo good. As I read it I thought, how does Mordred come up with all these little details? Just amazing.


As to the plot. You slipped in the surprise about Marta. Not what I was expecting. The question now is, why and how?


Your narrator taking advantage of Elsa says a lot about him. He did it without a moments a thought. He is obviously very comfortable in his role as predator. No qualms.


Lovely piece of work.

EVILTWINMORDRED's avatar

He is indeed a predator shaped by his horrible past and the demands of his power. He is much like a vampire in that regard. His only real redeeming feature is his pure love for Marta, which is now been threatened

quadee365's avatar

Very nice story, Mordred! Always nice to see you post. A few things, however, did mildly irk me about Mr. Gringle's German, as someone who studies German: It is rather poor, so looking back on it, I suppose it's rather well-written.

EVILTWINMORDRED's avatar

Yeah, I purposely made him bad at it to cover I don’t speak it all. Thanks for the comment.

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