evil-roda's avatar
Eat moar babies!
15 Watchers6.9K Page Views82 Deviations

Winter Tales Six: Climate

W

Winter Tales Six: Climate

"Didn't feel like Christmas this year, did it?" "Nope. Terrible weather." "Terrible? It's nice out!" "It's not supposed to be nice out this time of year, dammit. Climate's fucked." "Yeah, that's true."

Nightmares Six: Decorations

N

Nightmares Six: Decorations

My Halloween decorations are killer. Lame pun, I know. Seriously though, my hanging corpses win the local Halloween decoration contest every year. Nobody really questions what they are. They just assume they're dummies. Extremely well-made dummies. I tell people I do taxidermy as a hobby, and that taxidermy and making dummies are very related skills. I do indeed have a taxidermy hobby, but the idea that making dummies and taxidermy are a related skill set is a lie. Well, actually, I don't know that. I've never tried to make a dummy. I may live in a small town, but I never source my bodies from where I live. I'm fortunate enough to live near

Winter Tales Five: Truce

W

Winter Tales Five: Truce

 “Grandpa, tell me a Christmas story!” I said. He looked away from the fire and smiled at me. “Sure. How about I tell you about the Christmas Truce?” “What's that?” Grandpa stopped rocking for a second, seeming to ponder what he wanted to say. He crossed his legs, and then uncrossed them, almost knocking his prosthetic foot off his leg. “Well, you know how I was a soldier in the Great War?” “Yeah! You told me.” Grandpa didn't usually like to talk about his time in the trenches, but he seemed so willing to share this experience with me. I guess it got me excited. “Well

Nightmares Five: The Box

N

Nightmares Five: The Box

 “Come on, let's just open it up!” said Ricky. “I wanna see all those motherfuckers upstairs piss themselves already!” “Ricky, it has to be at midnight.” I checked my phone. “Just a couple more minutes.” “Oh, man, this'll be the best prank ever!” “I just want to get out of this basement. Smells like shit down here. Are you sure old Zamboni delivered?” “It's Zambini, man, and of course he delivered. Guy's the best terror magician in town, really knows how to pull a prank.” I looked down at the box in my lap. “What does this box even do?”

Winter Tales Four: The Christmas Wish

W

Winter Tales Four: The Christmas Wish

 Some people love Christmas. Bah! Christmas! I hate Christmas. I used to be an optimist, until the last Christmas I had. I used to love Christmas. Not anymore. Here, let me tell you why I hate Christmas. Maybe you'll understand then why Christmas fucking sucks. So I was walking along Christmas Eve on my way to a party, when suddenly a genie popped out of nowhere. “You are the millionth person to walk by this lamp post, thereby freeing me from my prison! To show my gratitude, I will grant you one wish!” What luck, I thought! I could finally wish for that Buck Rogers rocket that Santa never gave me in the first grade, the stingy c

Nightmares Four: Candy Stealing Squad

N

Nightmares Four: Candy Stealing Squad

 I peeked out from behind the bushes, then pressed the button on my radio. “Alright, we have a group of three that just passed by me, with big bags filled to the brim. One skeleton, one witch, and one Starfleet officer. The skeleton shouldn't prove a problem, and the Starfleet kid looked unarmed, but make sure you watch out for the witch, don't let her get anything off of you, not a hair, nothing. You know what happened to Tito last year.” Even for pros like us, people who had been pilfering candy well into adulthood, the incident with Tito is something nobody could ever forget. “Copy that, Gary, I'm going in.” I wat

Winter Tales Three: The Christmas Pirates

W

Winter Tales Three: The Christmas Pirates

 The children of today don't appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. They've been spoiled by their parents. Well, the wealthier ones have. They have no idea what it's like to be poor. That's why Santa Claus commissioned the magical pirate ship Steve and her lovely pirate crew to steal all the posh gifts given to the more well to do children by their parents. Oh, you've never heard of Steve or her crew? Well, let me tell you a story about Steve's first Christmas, and how they're working to save it. You see, one year, Santa made the mistake of checking Twitter the day after Christmas. All he saw were whiny posts about how all the little boy

Nightmares Three: Paul Ryan's Candy

N

Nightmares Three: Paul Ryan's Candy

 I dragged my son up the bleachers of the local high school gymnasium. "But daddy! I don't wanna see Paul Ryan! He's creepy!" he said. "Shut up, son, we're going to see him." I really hate my son, he's such an asshole. "You don't even like Paul Ryan!" At this comment, I turned my head towards him menacingly and said, "I know. We're just here for the free candy. Wait, correction, I'm here for the free candy. You're just here because I couldn't find a babysitter and your mom's dead." He started crying, and I laughed at him. Of course, his mother wasn't really dead, she just ran off. Haven't seen her since. I just like telling him that to make h

The Mushroom Experiment - Chapter One

T

The Mushroom Experiment - Chapter One

 The professor quickly ran up the stairs, careful not to drop the package. All those stairs, was there really a reason for the building to only have stairs? Would it kill them to install an elevator? Finally, he reached the top of the stairs and stopped to catch his breath. He didn't stop for long, however. Running through the door for his apartment's hallway, then into his small apartment, he slammed and locked the door. "Hammer, hammer, where's the damned mushroom hammer?" he said, looking through his bookshelf for the small tool. If only he hadn't cast that spell to make it look like a book, he thought. A paperweight would have been much

Winter Tales Two: Family

W

Winter Tales Two: Family

 The man pulled into the driveway of his parents' house.  Like every Christmas, there were no other cars in the driveway. He got out and walked to the door. He knocked, and immediately his mother opened the door. "Eddy!" she said as she hugged him, "Good to see you!" "Hi, mom," he said, barely managing to speak in the clutches of one of his mother's hugs of steel. She let go, and Ed let out a sigh, glad he could breathe once again. "Where are the others?" "They're in the living room, we've all been waiting for you, same as every year. Come on in." She gestured, and he obliged. "You must be thirsty!" she said as she went through the hallway an
See all

Winter Tales Six: Climate

W

Winter Tales Six: Climate

"Didn't feel like Christmas this year, did it?" "Nope. Terrible weather." "Terrible? It's nice out!" "It's not supposed to be nice out this time of year, dammit. Climate's fucked." "Yeah, that's true."

Nightmares Six: Decorations

N

Nightmares Six: Decorations

My Halloween decorations are killer. Lame pun, I know. Seriously though, my hanging corpses win the local Halloween decoration contest every year. Nobody really questions what they are. They just assume they're dummies. Extremely well-made dummies. I tell people I do taxidermy as a hobby, and that taxidermy and making dummies are very related skills. I do indeed have a taxidermy hobby, but the idea that making dummies and taxidermy are a related skill set is a lie. Well, actually, I don't know that. I've never tried to make a dummy. I may live in a small town, but I never source my bodies from where I live. I'm fortunate enough to live near

Winter Tales Five: Truce

W

Winter Tales Five: Truce

 “Grandpa, tell me a Christmas story!” I said. He looked away from the fire and smiled at me. “Sure. How about I tell you about the Christmas Truce?” “What's that?” Grandpa stopped rocking for a second, seeming to ponder what he wanted to say. He crossed his legs, and then uncrossed them, almost knocking his prosthetic foot off his leg. “Well, you know how I was a soldier in the Great War?” “Yeah! You told me.” Grandpa didn't usually like to talk about his time in the trenches, but he seemed so willing to share this experience with me. I guess it got me excited. “Well

Nightmares Five: The Box

N

Nightmares Five: The Box

 “Come on, let's just open it up!” said Ricky. “I wanna see all those motherfuckers upstairs piss themselves already!” “Ricky, it has to be at midnight.” I checked my phone. “Just a couple more minutes.” “Oh, man, this'll be the best prank ever!” “I just want to get out of this basement. Smells like shit down here. Are you sure old Zamboni delivered?” “It's Zambini, man, and of course he delivered. Guy's the best terror magician in town, really knows how to pull a prank.” I looked down at the box in my lap. “What does this box even do?”

Winter Tales Four: The Christmas Wish

W

Winter Tales Four: The Christmas Wish

 Some people love Christmas. Bah! Christmas! I hate Christmas. I used to be an optimist, until the last Christmas I had. I used to love Christmas. Not anymore. Here, let me tell you why I hate Christmas. Maybe you'll understand then why Christmas fucking sucks. So I was walking along Christmas Eve on my way to a party, when suddenly a genie popped out of nowhere. “You are the millionth person to walk by this lamp post, thereby freeing me from my prison! To show my gratitude, I will grant you one wish!” What luck, I thought! I could finally wish for that Buck Rogers rocket that Santa never gave me in the first grade, the stingy c

Nightmares Four: Candy Stealing Squad

N

Nightmares Four: Candy Stealing Squad

 I peeked out from behind the bushes, then pressed the button on my radio. “Alright, we have a group of three that just passed by me, with big bags filled to the brim. One skeleton, one witch, and one Starfleet officer. The skeleton shouldn't prove a problem, and the Starfleet kid looked unarmed, but make sure you watch out for the witch, don't let her get anything off of you, not a hair, nothing. You know what happened to Tito last year.” Even for pros like us, people who had been pilfering candy well into adulthood, the incident with Tito is something nobody could ever forget. “Copy that, Gary, I'm going in.” I wat

Winter Tales Three: The Christmas Pirates

W

Winter Tales Three: The Christmas Pirates

 The children of today don't appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. They've been spoiled by their parents. Well, the wealthier ones have. They have no idea what it's like to be poor. That's why Santa Claus commissioned the magical pirate ship Steve and her lovely pirate crew to steal all the posh gifts given to the more well to do children by their parents. Oh, you've never heard of Steve or her crew? Well, let me tell you a story about Steve's first Christmas, and how they're working to save it. You see, one year, Santa made the mistake of checking Twitter the day after Christmas. All he saw were whiny posts about how all the little boy

Nightmares Three: Paul Ryan's Candy

N

Nightmares Three: Paul Ryan's Candy

 I dragged my son up the bleachers of the local high school gymnasium. "But daddy! I don't wanna see Paul Ryan! He's creepy!" he said. "Shut up, son, we're going to see him." I really hate my son, he's such an asshole. "You don't even like Paul Ryan!" At this comment, I turned my head towards him menacingly and said, "I know. We're just here for the free candy. Wait, correction, I'm here for the free candy. You're just here because I couldn't find a babysitter and your mom's dead." He started crying, and I laughed at him. Of course, his mother wasn't really dead, she just ran off. Haven't seen her since. I just like telling him that to make h

The Mushroom Experiment - Chapter One

T

The Mushroom Experiment - Chapter One

 The professor quickly ran up the stairs, careful not to drop the package. All those stairs, was there really a reason for the building to only have stairs? Would it kill them to install an elevator? Finally, he reached the top of the stairs and stopped to catch his breath. He didn't stop for long, however. Running through the door for his apartment's hallway, then into his small apartment, he slammed and locked the door. "Hammer, hammer, where's the damned mushroom hammer?" he said, looking through his bookshelf for the small tool. If only he hadn't cast that spell to make it look like a book, he thought. A paperweight would have been much

Winter Tales Two: Family

W

Winter Tales Two: Family

 The man pulled into the driveway of his parents' house.  Like every Christmas, there were no other cars in the driveway. He got out and walked to the door. He knocked, and immediately his mother opened the door. "Eddy!" she said as she hugged him, "Good to see you!" "Hi, mom," he said, barely managing to speak in the clutches of one of his mother's hugs of steel. She let go, and Ed let out a sigh, glad he could breathe once again. "Where are the others?" "They're in the living room, we've all been waiting for you, same as every year. Come on in." She gestured, and he obliged. "You must be thirsty!" she said as she went through the hallway an

Airshipping Is Magic

A

Airshipping Is Magic

The morning air was crisp and cool with barely a breeze blowing. The sky was crystal blue, and the rays of the sun played lazily across the green countryside. It was the perfect day, thought Twilight Blimple, for a flight. The little purple sparkly blimp slowly rose into the air, enjoying the wind as it played across her surface. Her propellers spun into life as she turned in a westerly direction, the fluted spire that jutted out from her control deck pointing the way. Twilight wasn't a big blimp. Her gasbag was large but stubby, her fins small and protruding, and her purple gondola cabin was slung almost apologetically underneath. Growing

Spotlight

Nightmares One: The Knife

N

Nightmares One: The Knife

 I awoke and abruptly sat up in my incredibly uncomfortable chair. I saw a white table in front of me, attached seamlessly to the white floor beneathi it. The top of the table looked like it was a computer screen, with flashing multicolored lights divided in eighths. On it, in the middle, was a knife, one which was very shiny, obviously brand new. My chair looked like something out of a science fiction movie, like an egg shell with a portion cut off. It all seemed so familiar. I looked to my right. A large, white wall, affixed to which was a large, flat screen, on which was a psychedelic assortment of swirling colors. I looked to my left, and
1Comments
Artist
Badges
Super Llama: Llamas are awesome! (15)
My Bio
I'm a writer. I will move everything I still like that is on here over to NG Lit once it is launched sometime in the next two millenia.

Favourite Visual Artist
Jonas Kyratzes
Favourite Movies
The Problem With Prejudice, Night of the Living Dead, The Greek Riots: Some Basic Facts
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Red Army Choir, Voltaire, John Lennon, Beatles, Elvis, Daniel Stang, Selcuck Bor, Miscellaneous
Favourite Writers
Clive Cussler, Barbara Erhenreich, William S. Weiss
Favourite Games
The Strange and Somewhat Sinister Tale of the House at Desert Bridge, Tipping Point, Mud and Blood 2
Favourite Gaming Platform
Internet
Tools of the Trade
Wordpad, Windows XP, Old PC (bought Christmas '05)
Other Interests
Coin Collecting, Russia, Internet, Communism, Politics

A Rundown of Africa and its Symbolism, Plus Idiocy

A Rundown of Africa and its Symbolism, Plus Idiocy

[Original title (FUCK CHARACTER LIMITS): A Rundown of Africa and its Symbolism, Plus Karl Wolf's Idiocy] I absolutely adore Toto's Africa, both the song and the music video. If you don't know what I'm talking about, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azVqekQBK8g is the link to the YouTube video of it. It is an absolute masterpiece. The song and the video have an amazing feel, which just screams exploration. And that's what it's all about, curiosity and the drive to explore. It's a tribute to an era when people were so willing to take chances, a time when the spirit of exploration was so strong. The symbolism mostly has to do with the video, ra

The Chritmas Truce

The Chritmas Truce

I'd like to share with you all one of my favorite Christmas stories, and one that is very important to me. The time was December of 1914, and the place was France, at the Western Front of the Great War. On Christmas Eve, the Brits were crouching behind their defenses, like any other day during the war, being miserable. Then, they heard something odd across No-Man's Land. The Germans were singing Christmas songs. Eventually, the Germans started asking the Brits for a truce for Christmas. The Brits, already tired and demoralized by the war, happily agreed. The scene was the same in most of the Western Front. The Allied and German soldiers exc

A Message for the United Nations

A Message for the United Nations

Original title (fuck character limits!): A Message for the United Nations, or, More Specifically, those Mentioned in the Article as Voting For... In case you were wondering, I'm talking about this article. http://news.pinkpaper.com/NewsStory/4319/18/11/2010/countries-vote-to-accept-execution-of-gays.aspx?xtra=email&dm_i=3XT,B0V7,2MI04V,UN2B,1&sms_ss=twitter&at_xt=4ce678cb230e58df,0 And here is my message. Fuck you. No, really. Fuck every last one of you little pieces of shit that voted for the genocide of innocent people just because they happened to like sex with people having the same things between their legs. I just found this articl

Comments 3

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Thank you so much for the +fav!
You is welcome. :3