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About Deviant Artist Evil RodaMale/United States Recent Activity
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Winter Tales Six: Climate
"Didn't feel like Christmas this year, did it?"
"Nope. Terrible weather."
"Terrible? It's nice out!"
"It's not supposed to be nice out this time of year, dammit. Climate's fucked."
"Yeah, that's true."
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Nightmares Six: Decorations
My Halloween decorations are killer. Lame pun, I know. Seriously though, my hanging corpses win the local Halloween decoration contest every year.
Nobody really questions what they are. They just assume they're dummies. Extremely well-made dummies. I tell people I do taxidermy as a hobby, and that taxidermy and making dummies are very related skills. I do indeed have a taxidermy hobby, but the idea that making dummies and taxidermy are a related skill set is a lie. Well, actually, I don't know that. I've never tried to make a dummy.
I may live in a small town, but I never source my bodies from where I live. I'm fortunate enough to live near a larger city. It's not New York or LA big, but it's big enough that nobody really notices you're gone until it's too late. It also has plenty of homeless. Honestly, I'm doing a service to the community by getting rid of these people. I don't always get homeless people, though. I'm an opportunistic killer. If I'm out and see somebody alone in a dark
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Winter Tales Five: Truce
“Grandpa, tell me a Christmas story!” I said. He looked away from the fire and smiled at me.
“Sure. How about I tell you about the Christmas Truce?”
“What's that?”
Grandpa stopped rocking for a second, seeming to ponder what he wanted to say. He crossed his legs, and then uncrossed them, almost knocking his prosthetic foot off his leg. “Well, you know how I was a soldier in the Great War?”
“Yeah! You told me.” Grandpa didn't usually like to talk about his time in the trenches, but he seemed so willing to share this experience with me. I guess it got me excited.
“Well, you know, during the war, we were all dug in, hiding in our trenches. My regiment was from England, and we were right across from the Germans. I think the distance between us was probably about the same as from our house to the Johnsons, across the street. It was absolutely miserable. Everything got muddy, our trench got flooded constantly, and the smell wa
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Nightmares Five: The Box
“Come on, let's just open it up!” said Ricky. “I wanna see all those motherfuckers upstairs piss themselves already!”
“Ricky, it has to be at midnight.” I checked my phone. “Just a couple more minutes.”
“Oh, man, this'll be the best prank ever!”
“I just want to get out of this basement. Smells like shit down here. Are you sure old Zamboni delivered?”
“It's Zambini, man, and of course he delivered. Guy's the best terror magician in town, really knows how to pull a prank.” I looked down at the box in my lap.
“What does this box even do?”
“Not really sure. Zambini just said to open the box in a room with a lot of people.”
I sighed. “Ricky, you mean to tell me you passed up on the infrasound system and mini projectors for this box, and you didn't even ask what it did?”
“Chill out, Phil, you know I never let you down!”
“You haven't? What about that time w
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Winter Tales Four: The Christmas Wish
Some people love Christmas. Bah! Christmas! I hate Christmas. I used to be an optimist, until the last Christmas I had. I used to love Christmas. Not anymore. Here, let me tell you why I hate Christmas. Maybe you'll understand then why Christmas fucking sucks.
So I was walking along Christmas Eve on my way to a party, when suddenly a genie popped out of nowhere. “You are the millionth person to walk by this lamp post, thereby freeing me from my prison! To show my gratitude, I will grant you one wish!” What luck, I thought! I could finally wish for that Buck Rogers rocket that Santa never gave me in the first grade, the stingy cunt. “Genie, I wish for a Buck Rogers rocket!” I exclaimed eagerly. “Sorry, no can do. I should've mentioned the only things I can do are give the power to turn things into spiders, and immortality.” Well, this was disappointing, of course, but me being the optimist, I decided to make the best of the situation. “Well, I d
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Nightmares Four: Candy Stealing Squad
I peeked out from behind the bushes, then pressed the button on my radio. “Alright, we have a group of three that just passed by me, with big bags filled to the brim. One skeleton, one witch, and one Starfleet officer. The skeleton shouldn't prove a problem, and the Starfleet kid looked unarmed, but make sure you watch out for the witch, don't let her get anything off of you, not a hair, nothing. You know what happened to Tito last year.” Even for pros like us, people who had been pilfering candy well into adulthood, the incident with Tito is something nobody could ever forget.
“Copy that, Gary, I'm going in.” I watched as the kids approached Jeff's position. “Come on, come on...” I whispered under my breath, waiting for Jeff to come out of hiding. Finally, just before they reached the tree Jeff was hiding behind, he ran out, grabbing all three of the bags before running to his hiding position. Suddenly, a phaser beam hit him. Screaming, he fell to t
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Winter Tales Three: The Christmas Pirates
The children of today don't appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. They've been spoiled by their parents. Well, the wealthier ones have. They have no idea what it's like to be poor. That's why Santa Claus commissioned the magical pirate ship Steve and her lovely pirate crew to steal all the posh gifts given to the more well to do children by their parents. Oh, you've never heard of Steve or her crew? Well, let me tell you a story about Steve's first Christmas, and how they're working to save it.
You see, one year, Santa made the mistake of checking Twitter the day after Christmas. All he saw were whiny posts about how all the little boys and girls didn't get what they wanted. So, Santa went off and gathered the bravest and most badass crew of pirates the world had ever seen. When he got done, there were only three crew members. They were Captain Jack Daniels, and his loyal men, the great duo of Zax and Scottish brigand Glen Fiddich. Now, of course, the men needed a ship, so Santa an
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Nightmares Three: Paul Ryan's Candy
I dragged my son up the bleachers of the local high school gymnasium. "But daddy! I don't wanna see Paul Ryan! He's creepy!" he said. "Shut up, son, we're going to see him." I really hate my son, he's such an asshole. "You don't even like Paul Ryan!" At this comment, I turned my head towards him menacingly and said, "I know. We're just here for the free candy. Wait, correction, I'm here for the free candy. You're just here because I couldn't find a babysitter and your mom's dead." He started crying, and I laughed at him. Of course, his mother wasn't really dead, she just ran off. Haven't seen her since. I just like telling him that to make him cry. IT IS ONE OF MY FEW JOYS IN LIFE.
Eventually, I found a seat. Just as we sat down, Paul Ryan came out. The crowd cheered, and I vomited on a monkey sitting in front of us that looked suspiciously like the love child of Jenna Jameson and Chuck Norris. Luckily, it melted into a puddle of semen. Eggs to eggs, sperm to sperm, I always say. Immed
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The Mushroom Experiment - Chapter One
The professor quickly ran up the stairs, careful not to drop the package. All those stairs, was there really a reason for the building to only have stairs? Would it kill them to install an elevator? Finally, he reached the top of the stairs and stopped to catch his breath. He didn't stop for long, however. Running through the door for his apartment's hallway, then into his small apartment, he slammed and locked the door.
"Hammer, hammer, where's the damned mushroom hammer?" he said, looking through his bookshelf for the small tool. If only he hadn't cast that spell to make it look like a book, he thought. A paperweight would have been much more recognizable to him, and the authorities would have passed over it just as easily. He stepped back and stroked his beard thoughtfully. Only then did he see the book in the lower left corner of the bookshelf. He picked up the book and opened it, causing it to start hovering in midair. Its pages flipped by themselves all the way to the end of the
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Winter Tales Two: Family
The man pulled into the driveway of his parents' house.  Like every Christmas, there were no other cars in the driveway. He got out and walked to the door. He knocked, and immediately his mother opened the door. "Eddy!" she said as she hugged him, "Good to see you!" "Hi, mom," he said, barely managing to speak in the clutches of one of his mother's hugs of steel. She let go, and Ed let out a sigh, glad he could breathe once again. "Where are the others?" "They're in the living room, we've all been waiting for you, same as every year. Come on in." She gestured, and he obliged. "You must be thirsty!" she said as she went through the hallway and into the living room. "Would you like tea, coffee, or Pepsi?" "Mom," he said, "you know I don't like tea or coffee." "Well, dear, I didn't know if you had changed your mind over the past year." Ed rolled his eyes. "Pepsi it is, then. Dinner's almost done, too, I'll call you all to the dining room soon." She went into the kitchen and came
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Nightmares Two: Bedtime Story
"Alright, honey, let's go to bed," said Karen. "No! I wanna stay up all night! All night! And eat my candy! Candy! YAY!" said little George, still in his Superman costume. "Honey, why don't you get in bed, and Daddy will tell you a bedtime story?" she said, in an attempt to get him to go to bed after eating so much of his Halloween candy. "Arthur, won't you tell him a story?" Her husband got up. "Fine," he said, exasperated. He really didn't want to, of course, but what choice did he have? His wife would have bitched him out if he didn't. "Come on, George, let's go." "YAY! STORY TIME! STORY TIME!" his child screamed as they went upstairs.
When Arthur tucked George in, he said, "Alright, what story do you want to hear?" Being Halloween, his son replied, "I WANT A SCARY STORY!" So Arthur said, "How about I tell you, er, the story of the Wolf Man?" Of course, Arthur knew no such story, so he would have to wing it, not that his son would know the difference.
"Once upon a time, there was a
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Imagine, if you will, a scenario. It's happening right now, as you read this. A man is sitting in a bathroom somewhere, doomed. There are no supplies with him. The facility to which the bathroom belongs has been invaded by hordes of hideous monsters. It's not important what they are, really, nor does it matter what they look like. All that matters is what they do. They kill.
When he first ran into the bathroom, it was not because it was the best place, but because it was the nearest safe place he could think of. He looked at the security feed on the wall, and only when the things started pouring into his area of the facility did he realize that he was trapped with no supplies. Not long after that, the monsters started knocking and smashing against the door, screaming curses in no particular language.
And now, now that he is sure he is doomed, he takes the toilet paper off the dispenser and rolls some out on the sink, letting the rest of the roll fall to the floor. He takes the pen out
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Winter Tales One: Santa's War
Once, there was a man, and his name was Santa Claus. He had a magical slegh and such, yada yada, if I really have to explain to you who Santa is, then you probably shouldn't be alive. Many people, however, do not seem to realize that Santa once overthrew the dictatorship of a third world country.
The date and time was midnight (time zone GMT +2), December 25, 1984. Santa was making his annual rounds in the Congo, and was about to start them in the small country of Africana, in the large continent of Africa. As soon as he got over the border between the Congo and Africana, however, some folks started shooting at his magic sled. "You sodding wankers!" he screamed through a megaphone, "This is an international humanitarian aid vehicle! You are to stop shooting at once!" Needless to say, they did not stop shooting. To avoid a crash landing, Santa made an emergency landing not far from the Africanese capitol, the name of which is impossible to both spell and pronounce.
As soon as he got on
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Nightmares One: The Knife
I awoke and abruptly sat up in my incredibly uncomfortable chair. I saw a white table in front of me, attached seamlessly to the white floor beneathi it. The top of the table looked like it was a computer screen, with flashing multicolored lights divided in eighths. On it, in the middle, was a knife, one which was very shiny, obviously brand new. My chair looked like something out of a science fiction movie, like an egg shell with a portion cut off. It all seemed so familiar. I looked to my right. A large, white wall, affixed to which was a large, flat screen, on which was a psychedelic assortment of swirling colors. I looked to my left, and saw several television cameras. Behind that was what seemed to be a live studio audience, though I couldn't be sure, as an assortment of studio lights above them obscured my view. A thought crept into my mind. Could it be? No, no, that wasn't possible! But it looked so much alike. Seven others were sitting around the table, in the same sort of chai
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A Very Skary Night
He went to bed early that night. Tummy ache, you see. He walked from the tiny living room to the even more tiny bedroom, which seemed to have just enough room to fit a small bed and a night stand. He opened the window to allow some circulation, as it was summer, and the apartment had no air conditioning. What a horrible apartment, he thought as he climbed into his bed and covered himself up. At least the rent was cheap, and as a single man going to university, it was better to get a cheap and shitty apartment than buying one that was half decent and making the bottomless pit of debt even more bottomless. He turned off the light and went into the sweet escape of dreams.
He wasn't asleep for an hour before he was awoken by something climbing on top of him. He woke up and saw something small and human-shaped on his belly. He quickly turned on the lamp, and saw the thing that frightened him so. "What the Hell?" he said as he saw the little girl, who couldn't have been more than four or fiv
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Mature content
The Man in the Trench Coat :iconevil-roda:evil-roda 1 1


First Crush by Isaia First Crush :iconisaia:Isaia 12,104 1,501 Pony Creator Full Version by generalzoi Pony Creator Full Version :icongeneralzoi:generalzoi 84,067 5,822 Cold War: Simple Version by AngusBurgers Cold War: Simple Version :iconangusburgers:AngusBurgers 2,312 632 ASTROWOONA by fongsaunder ASTROWOONA :iconfongsaunder:fongsaunder 1,208 174 MLP Sailor Senshi by YoukaiYume MLP Sailor Senshi :iconyoukaiyume:YoukaiYume 14,332 1,275 Ponies in Black by BrainDps Ponies in Black :iconbraindps:BrainDps 725 176
Airshipping Is Magic
The morning air was crisp and cool with barely a breeze blowing. The sky was crystal blue, and the rays of the sun played lazily across the green countryside. It was the perfect day, thought Twilight Blimple, for a flight.
The little purple sparkly blimp slowly rose into the air, enjoying the wind as it played across her surface. Her propellers spun into life as she turned in a westerly direction, the fluted spire that jutted out from her control deck pointing the way.
Twilight wasn't a big blimp. Her gasbag was large but stubby, her fins small and protruding, and her purple gondola cabin was slung almost apologetically underneath. Growing up as a little balloon in the big city she had always been jealous of the other airships, who always seemed to be more graceful than she. But soon study had paid off.
Today, she was on an important mission. Today she had to ferry vital medical aid across Airquestria. A hailstorm had hit the town of Hull, and puncture repair kits were urgently needed.
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I Hate School by DesignerKratos I Hate School :icondesignerkratos:DesignerKratos 1,949 586 Martha... by magupia Martha... :iconmagupia:magupia 5 0 IT'S A LION GET IN THE JAR by ToygerCat IT'S A LION GET IN THE JAR :icontoygercat:ToygerCat 97 30
54. Religion
She puts on her shiny black shoes and trudges out the door. It's Sunday and her heart sinks when the church bells ring, and she knows just why.
She slinks into the pew, running her fingers down her black velvet dress as they go over the dos and the don'ts and how everything's going to hell. She looks down at her toes as the organs start up and the hymms begin to play.
The songs start about love and hope and God's grace and all that. She sings along in a whisper, because something just doesn't feel right. Because she's standing with people who sing because they think it's rude not to. Because the passion and love in the room is about at the level of a sleeping turtle. Because she'd rather not live in a world where "praising God" is followed by lemon squares and gossiping about how that family down the street must be going to hell because they just don't come to church anymore.
And because this is all some people have. Her fists clench a little when she thinks about how som
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seed by N-Dr01d seed :iconn-dr01d:N-Dr01d 443 812
It spins around and around, the colors blurring and smearing together as though an artist turned on the blend filter. Ceramic, plaster, plastic, paint, long faces, huge grins, gnarled saddles and flanks, backs humped and ears chipped. The artificial ponies spin around, their grins never dissapating, no matter how ill their masters become.
I wanna go home.
"Why would you want to do that?" the horse's head turns all the way around, cracked neck extending, muzzled face brushing against hers, "Are you not happy here?"
The little girl clutches the twisted candy-colored pole with knobby fingers and looks around at the faces around her, all possessing the same enigmatically cheerful smile as the horse beneath her. They crane their necks simultaneously to give her a better view as the crowd blurs around her.
I don't like it here.
"Why would you leave when here you can live forever?"
Never-Never Land, always out of reach but inescapable once found.
The littl
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Nurture by Helewidis Nurture :iconhelewidis:Helewidis 2,222 669



Evil Roda
United States
I'm a writer. I will move everything I still like that is on here over to NG Lit once it is launched sometime in the next two millenia.


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Imbreum Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2010
Thank you so much for the +fav!
evil-roda Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2010
You is welcome. :3
KayenofDarkness Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2009