Over the weekend, I was told that my biological sister had been killed due to the actions of a drunk motorcyclist.
Being told this left my mind completely blank, I had no real idea of how to respond to the information..I cried, I screamed, but after all that, I just went completely numb.
My older sister and I really never got along, when we were kids, we were inseparable. Being children who held no judgement or understanding of the world meant that we were just innocent, pure and untainted..I wish we remained that way. As adults, we didn't see eye to eye..All we did was fight. She saw things one way, I saw things in another light..Because of this, we RARELY communicated and didn't bother to try and fix things. Now that she's gone..I wish I could take back all the times I was so angry and hurtful towards her.
I wish, more than anything, that I could just apologize for my behavior. For not being more understanding, for not being a sister and acting like I was the only one suffering. I hold so much regret and I know I can't fix what's been done..I know that no amount of tears, wishes, or prayers will bring Anyssa back. I know that I have only myself to blame for how our relationship turned out..
Now, all I have left is my baby brother. Our family is dysfunctional, beyond repair..but he's all I have left. I fully intend on having a better relationship with him, I can't afford to make the same mistake twice..
With all this knowledge I have gained, it's easier to admit that life is truly too short to stay angry and bitter with those we're close to. It's normal to fight, to disagree, to have ups and downs in our relationships, but the bonds we form shouldn't be taken so lightly. Friends come and go, some relationships were never meant to last..But all that doesn't matter.
In order to live and move forward, one must learn to forgive the ones that have hurt you. It's hard to do this, but it's needed if you truly wish to move on from the past. I can say that I forgive all those who have hurt me. I 've also learned that one must admit to their misdeeds and downfalls..I apologize to ANYONE and EVERYONE I have ever hurt. Whether or not I'm truly forgiven is left up to the ones from my past, I can't make them accept my words..I'm perfectly fine with this.
Most of all, to those who read this:
PLEASE learn from my own experiences and what I've been going through. It's a hard pill to swallow, trust me I know, but you HAVE to change in order to become the person you wish to be. Please: be humble, be kind, but most of all be able to forgive and accept the things you can't change.
Reading: Skype and Discord
Drinking: Diet Coke