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So useless

Journal Entry: Sun Dec 7, 2008, 3:20 AM
"We are the voice of the universe, the soul of creation, the fire that will light the way to a better future, we are one. " (from G'kar's Declaration of Principals)

A Word from Z'ha'dum


Sometimes I wonder why I opened an account on DA.
I enjoyed the time I spent here and there was a time I believed I were a good artist.
That was not true.
I know it.
I am NOT an artist.
Sometimes I can draw something good, but most times the thing I draw has nothing to do with the image I have in my mind. Nothing.
There is no way I can improve in drawing human body, NO WAY. I can read and watch hundreds of books and tutorials and every time I draw my figures have wrong proportions or are rigid and unnatural like sticks or dolls placed in akward poses.
And I can't do landscapes nor perspective.
I have beautiful images in my mind, but when I draw they come out only half decent and I hate them.
The only nice things I did are the ones I used photo reference for and that's not true skill.
I realized a few years ago that drawing could only be a hobby for me, that I'd never be a real artist, so I decided to follow my first dream, the one to be a writer.
I wrote a novel and I began two other novels. When I put the word "End" on the first novel in March, I was so excited, it looked like the whole world was mine. I dreamt of sending it to publishers and to see it printed soon.
Well, I'm still editing it and it seems it will never be ready and good enough to be sent to publishers, every time I read it again Inotice new errors and parts I don't like.  
And it's MONTHS I have writer's block and can't go on with the other two novels. I know the plot, I know what is going to happen but I just can't write.
I feel completely useless.
Then I look around and I see my house is a mess, I still have to make the Xmas tree and put decoretions and I can't do until I tidy and clean everything. I still have to buy a lot of presents too.
Usually, Xmas time makes me feel happy and excited, but this year I can't find my Xmas spirit and I feel bad for this.
Sorry for the rant, I know I have NO RIGHT to feel like this: I am lucky, I have a wonderful boyfriend and the sweetest dog I could desire, I have everything I need.
I shouldn't feel so sad and I feel guilty for this, but I can't help.
Probably tomorrow I'll laugh reading this post, so don't worry for me, I just needed to whine and make a little drama. ^^;

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:iconcasualcasualty:
CasualCasualty Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2008
Photo reference is in no way cheating nor should be condemned as "less appealing". You draw good stuff and I really think that even though the word "artist" as you might think isn't suitable, I still think there are possibilites for you that are practically made for you, they're just hard to find when you cower.

Cheer up! I'm not going to buy presents or decorate and I'm the happiest I've ever been! :D
Reply
:iconjorgeluis:
jorgeluis Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Ma guarda che non è mica vero, gli artisti professionali sono i primi che si creano riferimenti fotografici da usare, sia con foto di modelli che di loro stessi. Leonardo stesso ha dipinto la Gioconda sempre e solo con la modella davanti al cavalletto, e solo nelle ore del giorno in cui la luce la illuminava nella maniera corretta... oggi forse lo avrebbe fatto guardando una foto, e se lo può fare lui lo puoi fare anche te! :D
Reply
:iconmelco:
melco Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
practice makes perfect. cliched but true.

it's taken me many years to even LIKE what i draw, much less be proud of it. don't give up!

sincerely,
a random passerby.
Reply
:icondastenna:
DasTenna Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2008
Don´t give up on your drawings. You are very creative and even if you have difficulties with anatomy or landscapes doesn´t mean you´re no artist! I mean, look at some of the most famous artists (van Gogh, Picasso, etc.) What are they famous for? Exactly! For pictures with meaning, not for "That looks nice."-kind of pictures. I admit, I prefer Picasso´s older stuff over the famous stuff, but that´s not the point here (for these were full of meaning, too ;p)

And not to consider yourself an artist because you don´t draw that much or that "good" (compared to whom? manga fan-artists? They have a whole different style than you have; you can´t compare that XD), that´s nonsense. You write, correct? Writers are artists, too. And I saw at least some of your drawn work. Enough to see you have potential. Maybe you still have to practise anatomy and landscapes (btw, who doesn´t? ;p) and it will come with time, don´t worry and don´t give up on that. =) But you have already the talent for abstract art. You have great concepts and great creativity. =)=)=)
Reply
:iconbardo:
bardo Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Io penso che non dovresti arrenderti. Hai una cosa che tanti altri qui non hanno: sei conscia di quello che sai fare, non sei convinta di essere chissà quale genio.
Non fraintendermi, capisco benissimo quello che senti, mi ci scontro ogni giorno. Le mie quattro fotografie piuttosto bruttine, la musica, il teatro e mille altre passioni malriuscite... eppure continuo a provarci. Non sarò mai tra i migliori ma che importa: mi diverto da matti :D
Reply
:iconmcmxc2:
MCMXC2 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2008  Hobbyist Filmographer
Dai, sei una bravissima artista! Disegna qualche bel cono e vedrai che passera'!:D
Reply
:iconmajorasmasks:
MajorasMasks Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2008  Professional Artisan Crafter
Momenti "emo" capitano a tutti, non preoccuparti! :glomp:

Comunque, da ciò che scrivi ti lamenti del fatto che hai carenze tecniche, per quanto riguarda il disegno, ma chi non le ha?

Ma essere artisti significa molto di più di fare bei disegni, imho, e, per come la vedo io, tu hai una mente artistica. E se pensi che definirla artistica sia troppo, sicuramente hai una mente creativa, e questo è già tanto.

Per quanto riguarda la scrittura, continua ad insistere perché secondo me hai delle possibilità. A proposito, ho finito di leggere la tua raccolta di racconti sui gatti, ed alcuni mi sono piaciuti moltissimo, soprattutto quello del geco! ^^

L'unico problema che ho riscontrato è il target dei racconti: forse è stata solo una mia impressione, ma al di là di chi ama i gatti in generale, non si capisce molto se volevi indirizzare i racconti ad un pubblico di adulti o di bambini.

Penso che dovresti definire meglio il tuo target ideale, prima di iniziare a scrivere qualunque cosa, perché defenito quello poi è anche più facile sapere a quale editore rivolgersi per un'eventuale pubblicazione.

Spero che ti sentirai meglio presto, un bacione!
Reply
:iconsilver-eyes-blue:
silver-eyes-blue Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Sweetie, don't say that. Perfect anatomy doesn't make one a true artist. What makes one an artist is the feeling you get inside when working on a new drawing. Whenever I draw, I feel relaxed and calm and nothing matters but the drawing in front of me. Sure, my anatomy drawing skills are also way off, but does that really matter? Some artists draw illogical or "wrong" anatomy ON PURPOSE, and call it their own style!

Don't give up, sweetie. ^^ Using references and tutorials is sure to help you improve, you just need to be persistant!
Reply
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