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Bad day for Bon Bon



Lyra's cream-coated partner failed her saving throw.


Irrelevant Stuff #43.
Image size
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© 2012 - 2023 Epulson
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gohlanblack's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

First off: I love it! <img src="…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> Good work!

The whole thing feels much too cluttered. It is a tad overwhelming to have the characters so close. Zoom out about 10-20%, so we could see about a head's worth more to the left and right.
Bon Bon's reactions seem a bit too exaggerated. [In the first frame, I would have just had bon bon sigh (~sigh or *sigh*) Cursing seems a bit extreme. Or you could have left it out. I feel the last frame, I would have just had bon bon do a face-fin, and have a 'sizzle' over her head, showing her annoyance. Or, if you got rid of the thought bubble, the comic would be fine. ]
[I personally would have had bon bon in a kiddie pool or the likes - floating in a magical bubble seems a tad overkill... Most unicorns don't seem to be able to do that. ]
In general, it seems like you are overexplaining things. It would look much more streamlined and professional if you simplified it. Leave more to assumption. You don't have to fully write out each thought. You make the expressions clear enough that you don't need to add their thoughts.

Good work! <img src="…" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> Keep it up!