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I broke down.

I used to be so principled, thinking that youtube was for losers, and vimeo was for real filmmakers.

Well, no more.

Check out the new venue:

www.youtube.com/ephisus
I'm sure many have done it.

Flipping randomly though an old journal-ish, thing... really something that was used as general scrap... I scribbled some thoughts about my Father, and his apparent unfavorable beholding of my contemporaneous relationship, a bit later, notes on my novel, which has since been turned into a screenplay.... Notes from Myst III gameplay.... various other attempts to lose myself then.

And then I came upon an entry which was not written by me, but someone else.

I tore it out, and layed it in front of me, to decide whether or not I should discard it.

I was pondering it, whilst I surveyed the half ruffled fresh tear from the bindings, in strark contrast against the otherwise crisp sheet, stiff enough to cut me, with bold cursive writing across it as if it was written the day before yesterday.

It continues to sit in limbo.
This week, my soul has bleed.

The 5th and 6th marked 3 years since I started dating my ex fianse'. (yes, we had two days.)

Our would be third aniversary.  hmph.

Right now...  all of the hurt, all of the betrayal that I've felt in the past isn't present, and I just miss her.

Attempts to meet with her have met with failure.

Oh well.  Back to work.
My cat vomitted into my shoe today.
Let your fountain be blessed,
        And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
        Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
        And always be enraptured with her love.

Proverbs 5:18-19


I just... Geez.  Our society has things so backwards.  

"The wife of my Youth".

Yeah... The hormones are definately here.  The drive is definately here.  

No wife.

As per... thousands of years ago, I'm like... a middle aged man, unmarried, and not rejoicing in my wife, that I don't have, youthful or otherwise...

And it's all because of society.  People aren't getting married at my age, porque, for one, our society doesn't equip people to be married at this age, and secondario, Many are having sex with random people, not willing to settle down, afraid of commitment, or some other stupid crap like that.

I don't see why young Christians aren't up in arms about thi-  Oh, right.  Most of them are having sex anyway.

Perfect.

Where does that leave me?... on the dangerous plank between immorality and Sexual Martyrdom.

Fan-tastic.
Today some guy Imed me, to explain how crappy my art was.

Actually.  No.  Cancel that.  What he imed me for, was to tell me in colorful terms that my art sucks.  There wasn't much in the way of explaining, other than citing one of the very old pieces that I had in my gallery, which I have since scraped...  seeing as how not many people would/should care to see it, because of it's age, and how it has somehow deeply offended "Gotdamn Soldier"

I tried to explain that it was very old, not that I should really have to defend myself... I think I conduct myself pretty humbly regardling my art, to anyone, even those complimenting me, and I think that this attitude is not deserving of... lude critisism such as I have recieved.

He went on to say that compared to me, he was a "F------- Kickass Artist", Typing in all caps...

I was about to ask him if he had an artpage on deviantart, in which I might look, and conclude, that indeed, he is the better artist,.... which.... honestly, as talent is not always a reflection of personality, is as likely to be the case as not.

He sent me a link to a sock puppet page, username.deviantart.com, and said that if I can guess it, then I'll see how good of an artist he supposedly is.

So, maybe his name is on here, maybe Im supposed to extrapolate what it is with his aim handle.  

Whatever.  

I'm going to use my time trying to improve my -very- mediocre skills, not trying to appease a faceless, negative, unconstructive cad, who may, or may not, be better than myself at art.
So I went to vote.

And outside the voting places, ya know, you've got middle aged women standing there waving at cars and what not.

Talk. about. last. ditch. effort.

I don't really see the point.  I mean... Maybe for like, a judge, or to sway people one way or another on a proposal being voted on... but for Congress?  For The Presidency?  

phhtt.

Someone walking into a place to vote, seeing someone waving a sign, campaining for something that everyone (everyone!) more or less knows about, ... it's every bit as likely to make them not vote for that person, as change thier mind to vote -for- them.

Not that either is very likely.  o.0
I recently came across a pile of very old art of mine.  I'm talking, like 6-7 years ago.

I guess I put it up.  It's okay, I suppose, if you're into impressionism.
The things that nerds spend thier time on....  I really need a wife, I mean, Life.

1 All Even numbered trek films are good, unless conflicting with another rule, then Bad.

2 Five and Multiples of Five are Very Bad.

3 Three and Multiples of three are Definately Good. (if already stated as Good, add Goodness)

4 Prime Numbers above 3 are bad (if already stated Bad, add badness)

5 Prime numbers below 3 are isolated, but good



So.

I Isolated, but Good.
II Good
III Good
IV Good
V Doubly Bad
VI Doubly Good
VII Bad
VIII Good
IX Good
X Doubly Bad


Projection:

XI Bad
XII Incredible
XIII Bad
XIV Good
XV  God-awful