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Cullen the Cooler - September 2021

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NAME: Cullen the Cooler
ALIASES: The Icebox Invader; Refrigerator Monster
SPECIES: Autonomous robot
GENDER: Genderless but referred to as a ‘He’ by his admirers
HEIGHT: 35 meters (114 Feet)
WEIGHT: 155 metric tons

The sheer number of giant monsters with mysterious or unknown origins are frustratingly numerous and, like those whose careers are in paleontology and forensics, existing evidence and details both subtle and major must be examined when trying to figure out these perplexing ‘Mystery Kaiju’.

While definitely a machine, Cullen the Cooler is referred to as a giant monster due to his autonomous intelligence and powerful abilities and fighting endurance which ‘he’ has proven time-and-time again against hostile human militaries and biological giant monsters. With that stated, however, initial opinions of Cullen being extraterrestrial in origin were quickly dropped soon after his April 1967 debut as his outer frame and briefly observed interior were "way too analog and familiar looking to be alien in origin" according to human eyewitnesses fortunate enough to land on top of and later escape the robot by helicopter in March of that same year.

Further studies since then suggest that Cullen is the handiwork of a highly skilled yet unidentified scientist who probably had the financial backing of a well-off but unfriendly country. Cullen likely went out of control and may have killed his creators in the process before making himself known to the rest of the world outside Greenland. That or the aforementioned creators went into hiding to avoid further repercussions of their rogue invention.

There is a counter theory, however, suggesting Cullen might be a robot from mankind’s temporal future or from an equally technological advance paralleled Earth. There’s no concrete evidence for this train of thought beyond the fact that Cullen seemingly appeared out-of-nowhere before going on its initial rampage across Greenland, which, while destructive, was fairly lite in property damage and without a single life lost.

Cullen’s journey into Siberia and upper Russia in 1969, however, was a different and more tragic matter altogether and made worse when the Americans got involved, resulting in an embarrassing defeat at Cullen’s rarely seen mechanical appendages (poorly thought up metaphor for hands).

Cullen the Cooler lives up to his name in him being a walking weaponized refrigerator-like mobile fortress, armed with multiple ice-based chemical missiles and cold-fusion energy beams housed within the compartments on his front side, lying beneath his black-and-white sensor. If his freezer weapons are incapacitated, Cullen’s bulky frame and weight can be used against opponents with brutal effectiveness in close quarters combat.

Cullen’s only true weakness is his slow walking speed caused by his stubby sliding legs. Based on his lack of functional arms minus the compacted pole-like mechanical appendages mentioned before, there were several military operations to get Cullen on his back or sides, hoping he would struggle like a flipped-over turtle, but nothing succeeded against the standing heavy metal goliath.

Despite being an active challenger against Russian army forces and American naval fleets from 1967-to-1978, Cullen the Cooler is relatively peaceful unless violently provoked, keeping to himself while roaming the scantily inhabited frozen plains of upper-region Earth, including Siberia, Russia, Finland, the North Pole, Alaska, and Greenland.

Cullen the Cooler has had no significant interactions with other giant monsters save for one: Salaroth, a fire-breathing reptilian born of magic who has gone out of its way and even at the cost of its own cold-blooded safety to battle Cullen the Cooler since the two first met in 1976. In each of their thirty-four encounters, Cullen the Cooler won every battle against his determined and dimwitted rival.

Cullen the Cooler’s name was a recent moniker given to him by Finish geologist Johanna Haataja back in 1986 who became neighbors to the then resting robot during a three-month long expedition in the Scandinavian Mountains.

Beforehand, he was simply called The Refrigerator Monster by bitter American and Russian soldiers before Johanna conjured up the nickname inspired by Scottish scientist William Cullen, the original inventor of the refrigerator.

Thus, Cullen the Cooler quickly caught on the world over much to the bitter dismay of American and Russian veterans and nationalists.
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© 2021 Enshohma
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D'awww. That's adorable, in a kind of horrific way.