Team Arlion - Mission 1, part one

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Literature Text

Kaza and Zar'roc had gotten settled inside the library. Kaza had found the autobiographies first, so thats where he would spend his time today. He had a small stack of three thick books, and one open on the floor, only about 47 pages left. Zar'roc on the other hand, browsed the library and pondered. The more he thought about it, the more the guild work began to seem rather risky. Was this really the right thing for Kaza? What if there was a fight between the guilds? They certainly weren't best friends or anything like that. But then again, they needed the work, and perhaps if they took some easy missions, that would be alright.

Right, start off simply, none of the big missions, like explore a poison drenched swamp ruin, or go into that fog. Then again, there wasn't a reason they couldn't just quit, right? Right, if things got too hairy, they'd just duck out. He sighed with a half-content smile and nodded to himself. It wasn't life if there were no risks.

He reached up to pull a book off the shelf, when suddenly the ground shook beneath them all. Zar'roc froze and gripped the ground with his claws. An Earthquake? No, his disaster sense hadn't told him about any earthquakes...for all he was aware; it was supposed to be an ideal day all day long. He darted back to Kaza, and sure enough, he had placed all the books back onto the shelf and quickly scrambled onto Zar'roc's back.

"W-what was that!?" Kaza gasped. "I'm not senses didn't predict an earthquake today, or any hint of natural disaster." Zar'roc muttered. Kaza pondered this for a moment, and replied "That just means it's not an earthquake then." Zar'roc groaned loudly. "Oh for Arceus's you hear screaming?" Kaza's ears perked up as he listened carefully, and nodded. The other library patrons were busy hurrying out of the library, some with books in hand, and then followed by the library staff.

Zar'roc weighed his options as he ran over to one of the library's windows and peered outside. Nope, nothing that way. What had caused this? This was probably something the guilds would have to deal with...then again, they weren't guild members yet. Perhaps it would be time to lay low for-there! Outside the third window he passed, he had seen smoke! He walked back and observed the smoke more closely. That was near where that big old statue had been. Surely, no pack of thieves was stupid enough to raid a town for a statue...right? Not this town, where there just so happened to be THREE guilds to stop them. He squinted as he notices a large figure moving between the houses. Kaza looked as well, and noticed the path of destruction behind.

"Say....isn't that the statue?" Kaza asked nervously. Zar'roc paused, and looked more intently at the figure. It certainly looked like it...uncannily so, even. But statues just don't get up and go whenever they feel like it, it just doesn't happen! Kaza seemed to pick up on Zar'roc's disbelief and recited a vocabulary term that might help with his understanding. "Golem." Kaza began. "A-" Zar'roc cut him off with an agitated tone creeping into his voice. "I know what a golem is! I just...was that statue a golem this whole time? It just seems so....farfetched, but there is it."

The two fell silent and stared out the window, and noticed it seemed to be fighting something now. "I would bet that is those guild folk right there....being heroes." Zar'roc stated flatly. Kaza gave a small nod, and asked "So....what do we do?" Zar'roc was surprised by this question and turned his head to look at Kaza. "Eh? What do you mean? We stay here and watch from out of that thing's reach." Kaza seemed a bit unsure though. "I thought you said we were gonna join the Explorers Guild. We had a name and everything..." Zar'roc tensed up as a pang of guilt ran through him. "Erm....yes. We'll join the guild in about...erm....five hours. Yea, five hours ought to do. Besides, you hate fighting, they'll be fine!" Kaza frowned, but nodded. "Okay....I guess we're not heroes yet."

Another pang of guilt skewered Zar'roc's heart and he flinched from that one. Okay now, that just hurt to hear. Maybe not as much as a punch from that thing would have hurt, but his self-consciousness was reeling from the morality blow. He took a deep breath and exhaled, tapping a claw again the ground as he hurriedly thought about what to do. After thirty seconds, he spoke up in a rather pained tone. "K-Kaza....if we go over there, you’re not allowed to run away...or complain about this later, okay?" Kaza was silent, and tensed up a bit, gripping Zar'roc's fur tightly before speaking up. "I' my best." Zar'roc grimaced a bit, but smiled. This was a terrible idea, and he knew it, but at least he was feeling a little better about himself now. "Scared, Kaza?" Kaza nodded and gave a nervous chuckle. "A-a little....yea." Zar'roc pushed the window open and leaped out. "Ah, don't worry about it, we'll be fine! You keep me from getting hurt, and I'll tear him apart. it'll be a great start for rising heroes!"
Ah, what a rush, after a break in the library from their meeting with Cuffin, our heroes now find their piece interrupted by Regigigas! After some debate, looks like their joining the fray!

Critiques are appreciated, I would like to improve as a writer.

Previous: N/A
First: Your here

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SammiFoxy's avatar
Ah, I really like this! It's very well written! You said you want critiquing though, so I guess I can help.

Well, if there's anything I would say that needs improvement, it's the introduction and exposition. The first 3 paragraphs are entirely narrated. The narrator characterizes them completely, but there isn't any dialogue in between them to introduce them. Some of the exposition does this too, where the narrator explains their thoughts instead of dialogue explaining it. It seems like the narrator is just projecting their thoughts sometimes. It would be better if either the dialogue explained more of the exposition or the narrator did without reading the characters' thoughts. 

These aren't huge problems though, as the story is still great so far! But you wanted to know what you can improve on, and that's what I found from reading through it once. Other than that, great story, babe! I really like the characters here!