I'm so frustrated. I hate everything I make. I change my style, my technique, my medium, to see if I like it better, but it just feels false.
There are other artists that I wish I could make art like, but that seems wrong, too. I don't want to just copy someone else, even if I could manage to do it well. But I don't seem to like anything I do.
Maybe I just want to be someone else. Someone who actually knows how to make a living as an artist and isn't mute with social anxiety. People might actually like me as a real person then instead of seeing me as a distant weirdo who never answers their comments
What do you do when you hate your art? When it's not a technical/skill-based problem, but an artistic one? Like, how do they get their ideas? How do they think up so many details to put in a piece? that one's really stymied me for a long time. You know artists who cram tons of intricate details into their work? How tf do they think that shit up? I'm not talking about how they actually draw it, because drawing any amount of detail is just a matter of patience. I'm not asking how to draw the details, I'm asking *what* do you draw for these details?
I'm not articulating myself clearly
don't worry about it if you don't understand
I feel like such a failure. this is not where I hoped I would be in my mid 30s. probably because I spent my teens and 20s banking on a pipe dream that I wasn't willing to do the work for rather than making real plans for my life. But that pipe dream was the only thing I've ever wanted to do at any point in my life, and I don't even want that anymore. You could say that I could make plans now for my life, but there isn't anything I want to do with it.
Thu Jun 14, 2018, 2:15 PM
I haven't really written anything in a while so I thought I'd drop in and catch up
In case you aren't aware, and I wouldn't blame you if you weren't because I am very lazy about promoting myself and rarely talk about things like this BUT I am a part of 78 Tarot for the third year in a row. My first was Astral (space themed), second Mythical (mythology themed) and the third one is still a secret but it's what I'm working on right now. I'll upload the card I did for Mythical eventually. Eventually.
I've got some other things planned, but I'm notorious for almost never following through on projects. Part of what made Amethyst Eyes so remarkable was the fact that I actually finished it. But right now I have 3 projects that I'm going to *try* to do. One is fairly easy, since a lot of the hardest parts are already done, it's just a matter of getting my ass in gear. The second will be a little harder and take a little longer, and I still have some factors to check on that will determine whether I can even do it. The third is going to be really challenging for me because it will require me to be something other than numb and cynical. I like keeping secrets
But yeah SPEAKING OF AMETHYST EYES, those of you who are fans of those characters might be wondering why I don't paint them anymore. well. Firstly I would ask if you know about my other account which I have moved all of my AE stuff over to. But you still might be asking that question even if you do already know about that account because I really don't paint them much anymore. The truth is, I feel like I've sort of grown out of them now. They don't resonate with me like they used to. They're from a different period of my life that I've moved on from.
It's not that I don't still love them. I will always love my characters. But they've said everything they needed to say. They don't really inspire me anymore. Some of the themes they're related to do, but not the characters themselves.
So I'm sorry if that disappoints anybody, since I know I have a lot of watchers/fans who especially like Az and Fae. I do have a couple of different characters that I've come up with recently that I play around with and paint sometimes, but only one has a name and they don't really have much of a story behind them yet and I have this weird anxiety about trying to give them one because I'm afraid of committing myself to the wrong idea. ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ ᴄᴏɴsᴜᴍᴇs ᴍᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs
So uh, other than that, yeah... been busy watching makeup videos on youtube, playing games I've already played like a bajillion times and getting angry about politics and that's pretty much how I live my life
Fri Dec 8, 2017, 7:05 AM
Sorry I haven't been around much this year. I've been kind of stressed out this year for various reasons. I sometimes feel as if I blame stress and anxiety for any time I slip up or offer a lacking performance, but it does play a large part in how I function, unfortunately.
I'll be traveling overseas in a few days to the USA to visit family and friends (this trip being one of my largest sources of anxiety, because...reasons), but after that I hope to get back to drawing a lot more.
Speaking of my post-trip plans, I really don't know what kind of goals I have, artwise. I never do. I set some, just arbitrarily, for the sake of having some, but then I forget about them because I don't care about them all that much. I've started planning a tarot deck, an art book, and have even considered a coloring book, but I find I just don't care about them all that much. Back when I was still working on Amethyst Eyes, it was like a burning need to do it, whereas these other projects just seem like meaningless 'busy work'. So, I'm not really sure where I'm headed with my art. Only to improve in the areas I want to, I guess.
Those of your who have been around for a while will know how I've struggled with art block over the years. Yes, it's still a problem for me. BUT. The way I've currently been dealing with it goes like this: I just start drawing something, anything. Usually a face. Then, I just spread out from there. I draw different objects related to a theme, or just things that look nice. And I keep going until I've got a satisfactory composition. It doesn't always work out, but at least it keeps me drawing. I've always heard that paintings must be planned out first, properly researched, but...man, that just hasn't been working out for me. Drawing spontaneously, while "unorthodox", has been serving me better.
Anyway, I hope you all have a great December and a happy new year. I hope that 2018 holds great things for us all.
Fri Sep 16, 2016, 5:23 AM
...for only my Amethyst Eyes stuff, anyway. It's just being moved to my old account:
It's something I've considered doing off and on for a couple of years now, but always talked myself out of doing for one reason or another. I think I'm ready to do it now, though. So if you are interested in my characters, you can watch me over there, because I'll be removing them from this account gradually. Just don't expect masterpieces over there, because that's one of my reasons for making the switch. RIDICULOUS SELF-INDULGENT CHARACTER TRASH UTOPIA~~~
So the consequences of my diehard determination to defy my "art block" finally kicked my ass. Burnout finally caught up with me and forced me to cut back severely on my workload. I suppose it's a bit late to be posting this, since I've been inactive for a while already, but I'll be taking a break from posting any new art for a while. I'm not sure how long- could be a few more weeks, could be a few months. I need to take some time off to take care of myself, recharge my batteries, and practice some more rather than rapidly churning out finished piece after finished piece as I've been doing for the past ~4 years (out of necessity, which I can thankfully say I no longer have to do). There are also a couple of projects that I previously didn't have time to work on but now can due to having some time freed up, so that's something else I'll be focusing on.
Don't go too far, I'll be back- just not right away.
Thanks for sticking around, guys.
Don't go too far, I'll be back- just not right away.
Thanks for sticking around, guys.
Mon Dec 28, 2015, 10:31 AM
Ignore what it says at the top of my profile; I had another account before this one. I first joined DA in December of 2005. I remember being terrified to post anything, because I wasn't used to showing my art to other people. I had previously posted some drawings on Elfwood and had it all taken down because they weren't fantasy enough, and was afraid of something similar happening here. Luckily, I found it to be a (mostly) good experience, and have stuck around ever since.
I owe a lot to DA. I've started many friendships here, met my husband here, discovered lots of art that has influenced me to this day...A lot of people talk shit about DA, and yeah, it's got its shitty corners, I don't deny that. I've written many journals over the years detailing my irritation at certain aspects of this site. But I don't run into those things as often these days. I'd say DA is my favorite website/the one where I spend most of my time and where I feel most comfortable.
Things have changed a lot since I first joined here. I'm making art in a professional capacity now, rather than just drawing and showing off the characters I come up with. In a way, that's good, because it shows that I've grown and have progressed with my art. On the other hand though, part of me misses the simplicity of those days. When art was just a hobby that I did after work, I was comfortable with pretty much whatever I happened to come up with. Nowadays, I've got this whole ~ideal~ in mind that I'm constantly striving to achieve, an image I'm trying to project, and I can't help viewing everything I make with this overly critical eye that's never satisfied with anything. Sigh.
HOWEVER. If I were to make a New Year's resolution this year, it would be to do more 'just for fun' art, maybe one per week. So maybe I can have the best of both worlds, after all. (Let's see if I actually remember to do it )
Since I already kind of covered my thoughts on my 2015 in my art progress meme, I won't repeat myself here. I'll just say that this was the first year I've had in a long time that I wasn't relieved to see the end of. Not that I'm dreading the future or anything- anything but. I think 2016 will be an excellent year (at least, I'm hoping it will be). I find the fact that I reached the end of this year without feeling run down and utterly wasted by the passage of time is a good sign.
I hope all of you have a happy and safe New Year's, and look forward to all the art we will make in the coming year.
- Listening to: Godsmack
- Reading: The Witches' Goddess
- Playing: Fran Bow
- Drinking: Chamomile tea
Tue Nov 10, 2015, 7:34 AM
So my little marathon of posting my character art comes to an end for now. That makes almost all the art that I've made of them in the past two years that I hadn't already posted. There are still other things I've left unfinished that I may revisit, but for now, I'm going to move onto other things for a while.
I've been surprised at how many of you have been interested in my character art. I always assumed that there was very little interest, as it usually gets way fewer favorites/views/etc. than something like this generally does, plus it's often not nearly as polished. It means a lot to me to have people like and be interested in my characters though, because they're far more personal to me than....well, I want to say my 'generic fantasy art', but that sounds bad...let's just call it "my other stuff". haha. I consider those things more as "work", with less personal meaning to them.
This old art has been making me think again about writing a new story for my characters, but I'm not sure. If I learned anything from publishing a novel, it's that writing novels is not my calling. I wouldn't want to do that again. Not to mention, their story continually changes in my mind, so I can never settle on one version of it. Oh well...I still enjoy drawing them. I've also been thinking of reposting many of my super old AE drawings (as in 2006 onward), but I'm not sure if anyone's interested in those, since they're pretty bad compared to how I draw now. I realize I don't need permission to post stuff, but I guess I just feel self-conscious about it.
Anyway, thank you to everyone who has commented and faved my AE stuff, and please continue if you like it. I'll be a little more inclined to post that stuff from now on.
And of course, take a look at some of the pictures I already had up if you haven't already:
and it continues...
Fri Aug 7, 2015, 2:12 AM
1. How long have you been on DeviantArt?
Counting my old account (which I changed over from before username changes were a thing), 9 years.
2. What does your username mean?
Enamored + morte = Enamorte. It was originally related to my story I was working on at the time I started this account, but it just stuck to me, and so I've kept it all this time. In some situations I feel even more comfortable with it than my given name, and I've gone so far as to take it on as my public/professional name. I've had some complicated feelings about it over the years, since it feels a bit impersonal at times for people to directly address me as Enamorte, but I do prefer it to my real name- at least, with people who aren't friends or family.
3. Describe yourself in three words.
Sleeps too much.
4.Are you left or right handed?
5. What was your first deviation?
A terrible webcam photo ID which is now in storage.
6. What is your favourite type of art to create?
Digital painting, which is obvious by taking a look at my gallery. I fell in love with it 14 years ago, and the love never died.
7. If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?
Some type of pop surrealism. I love the beautiful yet warped and crazy shit.
8. What was your first favourite?
9. What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?
Paintings (either digital or traditional) and photomanips.
10. Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?
11. If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?
There are several: FairyGodfather, HotaruThodt, GracelessSanslaGrace, Jacquiarno, madcarrot, LadyxBoleyn, SinisterSugar, and pretty much any of my watchers.
12. How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?
Well, I met Grayda in the forums and ended up married to him and living on the opposite side of the planet. That's an impact, I guess. Many other people have encouraged me, made me smile, made me laugh, and made me keep painting when I felt like quitting, so that's a pretty big deal, too.
13. What are your preferred tools to create art?
Photoshop or Sai and my Intuos
14. What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?
At home, alone in my room.
15. What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?
Probably back when I had my old account and started sharing my stories and characters for the first time (until then, I'd mostly kept them to myself). I was amazed at how interested people were in them, and it was so much fun to have others as enthusiastic about my stories as I was.
...I just did this for the cake.
Sat Jul 11, 2015, 5:21 AM
Despite the silence from me for the last couple of weeks, I'm still here. I'm practicing a lot, experimenting, and most of what I'm making isn't polished work. I'm thinking of trying some traditional media work. Time will tell.
I've been reading lots about art, as well as finding new artists (new to me, anyway) and I've begun thinking about something: does art always have to have meaning? When artists talk about their work, when they're interviewed, they're inevitably asked, "what do you try to express in your work?" And they usually say something like "blah blah nature blah blah memories of childhood blah social commentary blah language of the subconscious" and you ask me the same question and I'll be like "I LIKE THAT COLOR" or "I DRAW STUFF WHAT LOOKS PRETTY".
^ pretty much my manifesto ^
It's not that I haven't tried to cultivate some sort of deep meaning in my art. I have feelings about serious things. But...I just don't feel they have a place in my art. Does that make my art shallow? If it does, I don't really think that's fair, because I can't be the only artist that feels this way. Maybe I'm undereducated. I haven't studied art extensively, much less the interpretation of it, so what the hell do I know? Maybe I'm just one of those poor uninitiated souls that hasn't been granted whatever magical decryption key is required to understand the profound meaning behind the work of any given artist. Am I bound to be the clueless, small-town yokel amid the cultured and informed upper class?
Seriously, I don't fucking get art sometimes.
Does meaningful art have more inherent value than meaningless art? Is there such a thing as meaningless art? I already know what I think. I'm just curious about what you think.
Thu Mar 12, 2015, 5:54 AM
Hi everyone. I just felt like writing to say that I am still around. I know it's probably unnecessary, since I think I've been inactive longer than this before, but I thought I'd do it anyway. I haven't been feeling very well, and I've been so tired for the past couple of weeks due to inability to sleep that I can barely stay focused enough to draw. Add a change of medication to that, and trying to make art has lately been like banging my head against a wall, for all the good it does. I've finally got something started recently though, so perhaps I may have something to post before long.
So, in lieu of new art from me, here are some recent additions to my favorites. Enjoy, and give the artists' galleries a look if you like what you see here.
Mon Feb 23, 2015, 1:39 AM
Dear Commenter Who Feels The Need To Tell Me They Like My Old Stuff Better,
I'm sorry that I've made a small fraction of your Facebook news feed a disappointment. Goodness knows I only spent the past fourteen years of my life honing my artistic skills so that I could please a bunch of strangers on the internet. It breaks my heart to think that I have ruined your day, as I have obviously done- why else would you feel the need to make such a comment? If the fact that my art no longer meets your expectations weren't such a serious blow to your emotional wellbeing, such a comment would only be inane and self-centered! And that's not you at all. You're a veritable saint of saints! The way you don't buy anything from me (teaching me not to be materialistic! so you), the way you treat me like nothing more than a faceless source of aesthetically-pleasing images for you to mindlessly consume and butcher for use as a profile picture (teaching me humility- such an inspiration!), it's a wonder you haven't been canonized.
So please, dear Commenter, rest easy- I will no longer inconvenience you with my insolent "experimentation". I couldn't bear living another moment without your one-word comments, your Facebook likes, your remorseless pilfering of my images. From now on, I will only paint things which you approve of, things which you are comfortable with and which make you feel good. Because that's what I'm in this for- to affirm to you that the world revolves around you. You've told me to jump, dear friend- now, I must ask how high.
Warmest, most saccharine regards,
P.S. - Just kidding. I'll paint whatever the fuck I want. Go choke on a cock.
Sat Feb 21, 2015, 9:20 AM
I'm so fed up with my art. I don't know what else to say. I'm just tired of it never being good enough. That wouldn't be a problem if I knew what it was lacking, but that's just it, I don't know. I just look at it and feel disgusted.
I've felt this way for a long time. Years, in fact. So I tried experimenting with different things in an attempt to tease out whatever it is I've been looking for, but I haven't been successful. The recent change in my style was partly due to that, but also partly due to the fact that the fully-rendered painting style was burning me out. It was getting very hard for me. Plus I'd had some ideas floating around in my head that I knew would look better in a simpler style. But even though that change has made the process a little easier, it still hasn't improved my satisfaction with the final product very much.
I suppose it doesn't help that I compare myself to other artists a lot, even though I try not to. I look to others for inspiration and find that the comparison just sneaks in. But it always seems that other artists have better ideas than I do, more passion than I do, and are more inspired than I am. Let me just be very plain, I don't get inspired. I think there was once a time when I did, many years ago, but it certainly doesn't happen anymore. Nowadays I just have to force myself to draw things, anything, just to put out some work. Does it always have to be like this? Does it always have to be such an uninspired struggle? I mean, I've heard people talk about inspiration coming and going, and the work having times when it flows and times when it doesn't- but mine NEVER flows! It never fucking does! It's like pulling teeth! Why???
Tell me- is my mind playing tricks on me? Is the little demon in my head telling me lies again? Do you notice anything lacking in my art? Do you have this problem with your own art? So help me, I don't know what else to do. I'm so disgusted with everything I do. This has been going on for years, and I've never been able to find a solution. I feel so disheartened.
Wed Feb 18, 2015, 9:39 AM
I'll spare you all more of Google Translate's shitty French
I just wanted to share this and give a quick shout out to the people from my past who thought I was either too lazy, rude, or antisocial to get anywhere in life
I still question whether or not they were right
but none of them have written books that someone liked enough to translate into another language, so every last one of them can still eat a giant bag of dicks~
Fri Jan 2, 2015, 8:14 AM
Les Yeux Améthyste, mon roman, a été traduit en français. Ce est aussi avaient illustrations en couleur ajoutée et ressemble beaucoup mieux que ma version anglaise en général. Vous devriez en acheter un. Si vous commandez avant le 25 janvier, vous recevrez un ex-libris signé par moi. Après je suis mort, l'ex-libris pourrait être utile à peu près le prix d'une tasse de café. Alors commander le livre maintenant. Faites-le pour que le café.
Si mon français est inintelligible, ne me blâmez pas. Blame Google Translate. Je ne parle pas français fait.
>>>>>>>>> editionsduchatnoir.com/shop/fr… <<<<<<<<<<<<
And hey, even you English speakers should pick one of these up, because they look awesome. HARDBACK, EVEN.
Tue Dec 30, 2014, 11:16 PM
I just thought I'd say a few words before the end of the year to commemorate it and its awfulness before it's passed and any cynical witticisms I might make would no longer be relevant. I need to at least have a few good jabs at it before it leaves forever. It's only fair.
2014 was not a good year for me. At least, it wasn't a good experience to endure. It will henceforth be known as 'the year Enamorte finally lost her shit'. A few things happened which will probably prove to benefit me in the long run, but day to day life was balls. However, that's life, and usually a long period of bad juju is followed by at least a modest upswing. I'm currently resting comfortably in the eye of the storm, and it's quite nice. Hopefully when the storm next hits, I'll have my shit secured well enough to where I don't get annihilated.
What about you? Did you have a good year or a bad year? Is seeing '2014' from now on going to make you cringe, or sigh fondly and reminisce? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that for most of you, it was either neutral or a bunch of bullshit you'd rather just forget. Because let's face it, if you're watching me and actually reading this journal, the likelihood of you being an angst-ridden, melancholy cynic like I am shoots up to about 75%. It's okay, you're welcome here. We can languish here and be tragically misunderstood together.
But in all seriousness, if you had a bad year but are reading this right now, it means you made it through, and that's pretty badass. You deserve a fucking medal. I would say that I hope the next year is better for you (which I do), but I'd rather be realistic and say that while it's possible it will be better, there's an equal possibility it might suck just as much as this one did. So instead, let me wish you all the strength, tenacity, and (let's face it) spite you need to wrestle life to the ground, spit in its eye and tell it to go choke on a cock if it tries any shit with you.
Happy New Year everyone, and remember not to take any shit.
Wed Nov 5, 2014, 5:11 AM
Hi everybody...I hope you all had a good Halloween (if you celebrate it). I just had something I wanted to talk about, and maybe get some opinions on.
Recently, I read a book about the psychological processes involved in creativity called Your Creative Brain. It's an extremely interesting and informative book, and I'd highly suggest you give it a read if you're interested in that sort of thing. It explains the different thought processes that are needed to do creative work, and has exercises in it that you can do to brush up on certain ones you might be weak in if you're feeling blocked.
One thing that's mentioned in it though, is the idea that sharing one's creative work with others is the last step in the creative process. It proposes that in order for an act to be considered creative, it has to be a.) original, and b.) adaptive or useful to someone, therefore, in order know if something meets that second criterion, it has to be shared.
Now...okay. I can't help but wonder, what if you don't want to share it? Does that mean it can't truly be considered creative? What if you are creating something solely for your own benefit? I got the impression from this book that 'other people' was the preferable way to go. And it's not just this book, either- in all the books on making art and especially writing that I've read, one of the main talking points is how to get your work 'out there', and how to get yourself seen.
It seems you never hear about people wanting to create things only for themselves. I suppose you naturally wouldn't, but I've rarely even heard it talked about. It seems you can't have a desire to write without also wanting to be a professional novelist. You can't have a desire to draw well unless you aspire to do work for games or movies. This has led me to wonder if there's some sort of taboo about it.
What do you think? Is it wrong to keep your work to yourself, not out of fear, but simply out of a personal preference? Do you think there's something more noble or admirable about sharing your creative work with others as opposed to enjoying it privately? Do you feel that if an artist/writer creates something, they have some kind of duty to share it with the world?
Fri Jul 25, 2014, 9:11 AM
The first image is my most recent painting, the second is one I did two years ago:
The differences between the two are negligible. I've reached a plateau in my art, and I don't know what to do about it.
See, it wouldn't really be a problem if I had something to aspire to. If, say, I had an image in mind of what I wanted my work to look like, but I just hadn't achieved that level of skill yet, that would be no problem. At least then I would have a direction to work in. But I don't. I'm unable to find any art which really impresses and inspires me, which makes me think "I wish I could do that". If you have an artist whose skill you admire, that's easy, you just look at their art and determine what you need to learn in order to do what they do. But man, everything I look at just does not speak to me in that way.
The word "mastery" comes up a lot in relation to improvement and developing skill in art, and I dislike the word. It makes me think of stuffy realist paintings and chapel ceilings, and that's just not my thing (hey, I don't pretend to be among the intellectual elite, all right?). Realism seems to be the Holy Grail of art for some reason, like that's what everyone should aspire to, but I'm not interested in that.
The thing is, I'm not really sure what I am interested in.
I don't dislike my current style of painting. But that's the problem. It doesn't offer me anything anymore. It's no longer interesting to me. I've got it down so well that it requires very little thought or effort. But I don't know where to go from here.
Even if I did have an idea of what I wanted to do, I still have certain responsibilities that demand that I stick close to the type of art that I've been doing.
I'm just feeling rather stuck in a rut right now, and I don't know what to do about it.
Sat Jul 5, 2014, 7:55 PM
Okay this might sound a little weird, but here goes...
I need you to tell me what differences, if any, you see between these two groups:
There is some art that I make which feels just right and is exactly what I wish to achieve in my work as a whole...and then there is other stuff which, while there is nothing technically wrong with it, it doesn't entirely feel right either, it doesn't feel like me. The above groups are made up of samples from those two categories. I can't seem to figure out what's missing. So I thought I would try to get some insight from people who haven't been stewing over it for ages like I have. If you see no difference, tell me that too...it may just be in my own head that the distinction exists. I just want to see if others can see it, too.
I want my art to be more than just pretty pictures...but it proves a challenge to me, as I seem to be very hit-and-miss with it. I don't know how to do this consistently..
Thanks for looking~