*In the middle of the night, a massive fire broke out in the East Orchard of Sweet Apple Acres*
Apple Bloom: Gyaahh!! What’s going on!?
Applejack: I-I don’t know. Big Mac, can ya’ll get Apple Bloom and Granny Smith outta here?
Big Mac: Eeyup.
Applejack: Alright. I’m goin’ to get Alexis.
*Applejack goes to Alexis’ room*
Applejack: Alexis, something’s happening to the farm we have to…what? How are ya sleeping at a time like this?
*Alexis finds herself in a pitch black space with her father again*
Alexis: How did I get back here?
Hyros: Alexis, why didn’t you listen to me!?
Alexis: Oh, well mom and I are pretty sure that nothing will happen to the farm.
Hyros: Well…Have a look at this.
*Hyros snaps his fingers to create a window to the real world*
Alexis: Wha-What’s going on?
Hyros: Sweet Apple Acres is being attacked and right now the east orchard is up in flames. If you want this to stop you must double tap the Guardian Key that your mom gave you.
Alexis: No you’re making this up! Why would anypony attack us!?
Hryos: It’s cause you’re royalty Alexis.
*Her father starts to fade away and Alexis finds her mom carrying her away from the farm*
Alexis: Woah! Mom what are you doing!?
Applejack: Now you wake up missy? Tell me, did you know this might happen?
*Applejack puts Alexis down as she sees the fire*
Alexis: Dad was right.
Applejack: Huh what are ya’ll talking about?
Alexis: …Mom, I might have to use this key.
Applejack: But I don’t want ya using it.
Alexis: Look mom the entire farm might burn and it’s all because of me.
Applejack: What? It’s not your fault and I’m plannin’ to a-
Alexis: I don’t want the farm to burn and dad said the only way to save it is by using the key.
Applejack: OK, now you’re just scaring me Alexis.
*Alexis quickly double taps the key as it starts to glow and some white lights start to stop the fire*
Applejack: …Alexis how do you know all this I mean what’s going on?
Alexis: It started yesterday while I was waiting at the Cider cart. I accidently fell asleep and suddenly I was somewhere with dad. He said that something will happen to the farm, but I thought it was just a dream.
Applejack: But how are you seein’ him?
???: It’s thanks to that key you gave her.
*Alexis looks up*
Arlene: Hello, my name’s Arlene. Me and my shiki have stopped the fire and captured the intruders.
Arlene: Yes, they’re basically captured demons or spirits. Until this is royal ground I’ll be at your beck and call your highness.
*Arlene disappears as if she shattered and Alexis is stunned*
Apple Bloom: Sis are you all right!? The fire just stopped.
Applejack: I-I know and I’m alright. Uhh…how bout you Alexis?
*Alexis faints due to fear of being a queen*
Apple Bloom and Applejack: ALEXIS!!
The story commences, and the plot thickens. I noticed you're getting better with less errors, but there is one thing in particular:"... Alexis, how do you know all this, I mean, what's going on?" This is how I'd put it. There might be other comma errors, but I didn't notice any. Keep up the good work!
sounds interesting. Cannot wait until the next part is out