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Wow. It's.. uh.. been a long ass time.
I've been in college, animation classes, and I'm graduating in December. I'm super nervous but also super excited. I wish I could have more time for MMD things, but... MMD animations wouldn't look good on my demo-reel, and I gotta get them jobs brah.
Unfortunately, my family suffered another loss yesterday.
Misha, our pug, died suddenly. My mom was only out of the room for 15 minutes.. but when she came back, Misha was gone.
We're unsure of what or why it happened. Our vet believes it was a heart attack due to her age and how mistreated she was before we adopted her. Misha was born on September 11, 2006 - but reborn when we adopted her on May 1, 2011. She was a light in our life. She turned my family completely around with her goofy, sweet, loyal, spoiled, adorable self. She had such a personality that sometimes I forgot she was a dog. She fit in so well with our family that it felt like we had raised her from a puppy.
This hurts really bad. I got the call while sitting in school, and my professor asked me to leave when tears just started streaming down my face. I want more than anything to be in Texas with my family right now, but instead I'm stuck in Florida.
I'm going to miss you so much my little Misha.
RIP my darling.
Wisdom is in the Eyes by Emo-Flowers
Tomorrow I'll be on my way to Florida to start school. <3
I'm so nervous, you guys. I've lived in the same general location since I was 2. I've moved houses a lot, but I've always stayed up here. Now I'm leaving. ; 3;

Then there's also my anxities. What happens if my family members get hurt? If my family pets get sick? Can I survive without said family pets??? Then I'll be alone.
I didn't want a roomate because I have opiate medication & I don't trust random people with that kind of stuff. So, all alone in my apartment for me.
I'm excited to get my education, but also terrified. I've been graduated for 2 years now and I feel like I've gotten out-of-sync with what it means to be in school. x:

Anyway; wish me luck you guys. c:

Here we go.

You have no idea how much it intensely frustrates me to see these posts like, "Female Game Characters Get Realistic Body Shapes!"
Let me hold you up RIIIIIIIIGHT there.
1.     You do realize that over 90% of game characters are modeled after a REAL persons proportions, right? It's just like how sometimes the voice actor is who the character looks like - most of the time, they take a fashion or whatever model to 3D model for the character. SO, you saying "Realistic Body Shapes" makes no sense. They ARE realistic. Just because they're thin doesn't mean they're not realistic - and adding chubbiness to a fucking game character DOES NOT make it more realistic. You're messing up its proportions and models for specific purposes AND THAT'S what's unrealistic. 
Let's take Rikku from the Final Fantasy games - SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE INCREDIBLY THIN. Know why? She's an AL BHED THIEF. The Al Bhed are already small people, and her being a THIEF makes her SLIMMER because THAT'S WHAT HER CHARACTER IS. There is literally no way she could be a super chubby person. The pictures I have seen make her the equivalent of Japanese obesity - and that's absurd. She cannot be chubby because of her profession and her ethnicity don't call for it.
NOW. The old Lara Croft models WERE unrealistic. Her waist was wayyyy too small for how big they made her hips/butt and shoulders/bust. However - they fixed this. BECAUSE IN THE NEW GAMES THEY MADE HER PROPORTIONAL - THAT MEANS THAT NOW SHE'S REALISTIC.
2.    I'm so tired of people saying "It's not unhealthy to be fat". That's alllll about the person. For instance, if an older man with heart disease is fat - THAT'S NOT HEALTHY. If a young girl has no health concerns - THEN SHE'S HEALTHY, REGARDLESS OF HER WEIGHT. Stop saying fat is healthy  when it ranges from person to person - and making game models "chubbier" is stupid. Are we as a people so sensitive to absolutely EVERYTHING that we can't see different things and just say "that's cool"???? When did being chubby become "Realistic"? If they wanted to make them chubbier for the sake of no one looks like that, then the headline should read "Female Game Characters Get AVERAGE Body Shapes!" See? AVERAGE. Not REALISTIC. Because if the body is proportional, and if it was modeled after a real-life person; then it's realistic. Settle down.
3.    Everyone has different body shapes. Some people have a natural affinity to be chubby, some people have a natural affinity to be thin. Some people have triangle body shapes, other people have pear body shapes. There are some people who are incredibly in-shape, and others who are not. F. Game Characters already have a wide range of this - Sonya Blade has a triangle body shape and is super muscular. So, when I saw her made super chubby - I was furious. She's a military-grade-fighter; she has wide shoulders because THAT'S where her muscle is. She has narrow hips because she has a triangle body shape (which is the shape most men have). She SHOULD NOT be chubby, she really COULD NOT be chubby with how much physical activity she does, AND THAT'S WHATS UNREALISTIC.

It's a long rant, but this is INFURIATING. Just because their shapes don't match the "Average Body Shapes" doesn't make them unrealistic. Proportions is what makes a model unrealistic - NOT how fat or slim they are.
Officially moving to Florida this June. <3 I got approved for my apartment, and my move-in date in June 15th - first day of school is June 20th.
I'm so excited, you guys!! Soon I'll be animating and it'll be amazing~

I'm also terrified. I've lived in the same place since I was 2. It's going to be hard going somewhere so far away with no family - but I think I'll survive.

So, yay! 
My cat died today. At 9am in my arms, wrapped in her favorite blanket while I spoke to her while they were injecting her with the medication.
She had kidney disease and the vet gave her 48 hours to live, and he explained that those last 48 would be excruciating, because her kidneys would literally shut down - and then the rest of her body would follow suit.
It was one of the most difficult decisions, especially since she only started acting really sick last night - I've been up for 30 hours because I was scared to go to sleep, and I've been crying all day today.

When I was 6 years old, on July 4th, 2001 - in Indiana - I was playing with fireworks in my Grandmothers front yard when I saw a small cat rummaging around her trashcans. I went up to investigate, but the cat dove under my grandmothers van. Getting on my stomach, I saw two kittens who were just skin and bones, shivering under the van. Luckily, being 6, I could fit under there and pulled them both out. The kitten I held in my arms was the tiniest, most fragile little thing I had ever seen and I instantly fell in love.
We found a box the next morning that had been dumped on the side of the road across the street from my grandmothers house (she lived in the woods). I was already in love with this kitten, though, and promptly named her Princess. (I was six, everything was Princess)
I nursed her back to health and then took her back to my home across the country. She's been by my side ever since - and she has been my everything.
My parents divorce? She was there to cuddle up with me when I was sobbing in my bed. She was there to keep me warm when we were homeless, and she was there to pick me up every time I let the stress take over me and fall apart. When I began to self harm, she would lick my scars and rub her head against them, and then when I got home from the hospital after a suicide attempt, I never once put her down and she was my stress relief.
I overcame for her - I beat Anorexia and Bulimia for her. She was my rock, my foundation, and my everything.

Five months ago when they told me she had hyperthyroidism and onset Kidney Disease, I spent every ounce of money in my college fund to get her fixed - but they said even then that it was a long shot that it would work. Unfortunately, it didn't. As the months went on I watched her get weaker and weaker, slimmer and slimmer - and no matter how much food she ate she would just be lethargic and slow. I held her so much, I cuddled with her so much - but now it doesn't feel like it was nearly enough.

Cats are able to hide their pain very well, and I feel guilty that I wasn't able to catch onto her pain earlier. She was able to catch onto mine, but I couldn't help her at all.

I'm 19 - I've lived my whole life with Princess by my side. Hell, I don't remember what it was like to NOT have Princess by my side. This is hard for me... so hard.

I miss her so much. But I know that if she were alive she would trying to wipe my tears from my face, even if I was crying over her death. But I am physically in pain. My heart hurts, my chest hurts, I feel like I can't breathe.
I have 2 other pets who realize whats happened - and today, our entire family mourned the loss of Pretty, Pretty, Princess.

I'll miss your big green eyes, your purr that could rival the sound of a motorcycle, and your bony little paws. I'll miss your meows and your hair getting everywhere and needing to make sure you don't get into the garage... I'll miss you.
SimbaGurl - I'm a thiefers. >:3

Using only song names from one artist / band, cleverly answer these questions.
Pass on to 10 people ( if you'd like ).:) (Smile)
Try not to repeat a song title.

Pick Your Artist/Band: Seether. c:

1. Are you male or female: 
•  Love Her

2. Describe yourself: 
•  Master of Disaster

3. How do you feel right now: 
•  Safe To Say I've Had Enough

4. Describe where you currently live: 
•  The Gift

5. If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
•  No Shelter

6. Your favorite form of transportation: 
   Walk Away From the Sun

7. Your best friends are:
•  One On One

8. Your fear: 
•   World Falls Away

9. What is the best advice you have to give:
•  Hang On

10. Thought for the Day: 
•  Words As Weapons

11. How I would like to die: 
•  Immortality

12. My soul's present condition: 
•   Rise Above This

13. My motto:
•  Fake It

[ Kilsoph ; DO EEEEEEET. ]
  • How long have you been on DeviantArt? 

        My page says around 6 years - but the truth is it's much shorter than that. I made this account when I was trying to really get into Anime style drawing, but after a year or so I completely abandoned it. However around 3 years ago I remembered I had this account - so here I am! So, all in all, I'd say I've been on dA for about 4 years.
  • What does your username mean?

        It's quite silly, really. I love roses, and black roses have always been something I find incredibly beautiful. Then I saw other flowers turned black or deep shades of their natural color, and I just thought they were gorgeous. "GothFlowers" didn't sound as catchy, so "Emo~Flowers" it was. However I changed the usual ~ to - for dA.
  • Describe yourself in three words.

        Paradox, Organized, Impatient
  • Are you left or right handed?

        100% Righty over here.
  • What was your first deviation?

        Well, back when I had the account brand-new, it was something neopet/anime related. Now It's a picture of my pug (I think).
  • What is your favourite type of art to create?

        Going into Computer Animation/Game Design - I really love to make 3D models and animate them. (My animating is still quite shaky, but it's worth all these grueling hours).
  • If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?

        Besides animating? Realistic.
  • What was your first favourite?

        To be honest - it was probably something The Little Mermaid related.
  • What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?

        3D or realistic drawings.
  • Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?

        I don't really have one - I like a bunch of different people for a bunch of different reasons.
  • If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?

        Kilsoph &/or skuiid 
  • How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?

        Yes, I've gotten a great friendship & somebody I'm really happy to be influenced by. ♥
  • What are your preferred tools to create art?

        MMD for animating, and PMD/PMX/Metasequoia for model-making purposes. 
  • What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?

        My imagination, to be honest.
  • What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?
        My favorite dA memory is when I found a tutorial for something that solved all of my modelling problems. (Thank you, MMD-MCL !)

  • Listening to: Bloodborne music
  • Reading: Japanese


Journal Entry: Sun May 31, 2015, 9:02 PM
So I've been MIA for the past forever, and I don't have a reason. I just haven't felt like doing much with dA - I've mostly been pretty caught up in Achievement Hunting on WoW and Halo. x:

Anyway - I needed to take a break from this model I'm working on because I lost my inspiration - and the video I was working really hard on was getting on my nerves so I postponed that.

I dunno - I'm just the kind of person where if I force myself to do something - it'll turn out like shit. I have to be calm and ready for any surprises that hit me, otherwise I'll rush it and not be thinking about the future.

For instance, my Rose the Raver model - I rushed through her because someone was really wanting a model of them made & I have a policy that I don't start a model unless the previous one is finished. Otherwise I'd probably never finish both. Not wanting to upset my friend, I rushed through her. I thought she looked fine then - but I hate the way she looks now. She looks as if she was one of my first models and that's unacceptable. Dyanna came before her and looks 1000x better.

Anyway - I guess I'm just popping in to say hello. c: I'm not gone, just trying to find my model zen again.


Yes - I'm aware that hardly anyone reads these, but they help me vent. x3

  • Listening to: Game Grumps
  • Reading: Achievement Guides
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper (ssh, don't tell my boyfriend)

Making Clothes~

Journal Entry: Sun Apr 19, 2015, 1:38 PM
I just made a choker/collar for my model in meta - and I'm surprised at how well it turned out!
I"m quite proud of myself. x3

I'm having a super hard time with weighting it to the base, though. Although I did find a plugin that apparently weights it according to the base - so that seems like my best bet.

Now just to see if it works on my Eng PMD. xD

  • Listening to: My boyfriend playing FC4
  • Reading: Tehrainbowllama's tutorials.c:
  • Drinking: Malk

I have the rumblies, that only hands can satisfy..

Journal Entry: Wed Mar 4, 2015, 3:50 PM
Soooo~ I'm working on a base in meta, but I realize I can't make hands.
Like, feet are nbd - because I can put sneakers or boots on, and most heels come with pre-packaged feet (and since this isn't going to be a distributed base, idc) - but I can't even draw hands - let alone model them.

I know you can take hands from Animasa Miku, but I don't think they'd look right with the model. x:

Does anyone know where I can find hands? xD I don't want to talk them off models because I know a lot of modelers have 'Do Not Edit' on them, and I know tda doesn't like their stuff put on other models, so no tda. I wonder if it's okay to take Kio hands..

Legal and nice looking hands, anyone?

  • Listening to: ALiCE
  • Reading: Tutorials from miku-chan-love (again)
  • Eating: Bugles~
  • Drinking: Water

So, my anniversary~

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 2, 2015, 11:57 AM
On the 26th in Feb, my boyfriend and I had officially been together for 2 whole years. Like, what? How can someone seriously put up with all my bullsh*t for that long.
ANYWAY, I love World of Warcraft, it sort of envelops my whole being at times - and recently Blizzard released a picture of a statue their working on. It's a Deathwing statue that's 30 inches long and high, and 25 inches long and weighs 30 goddamn pounds. LIKE IT'S BEAUTIFUL, AND I WAS LIKE "OH SWEET BABY JESUS, THIS IS A GLORIOUS PIECE OF WORK AND I NEEEEEEEEED IT." Then I saw the 600 dollar price tag, and qq'd because I'm going to college soon and I need to save all my money for furniture.
However, they released a couple months ago a payment plan; and my boyfriend ordered it for me. He handed me a piece of paper when we were exchanging gifts, and I was like "Is this a receipt"? and he's all "Yeah, just look over it for me."
And like there it was, omg. "Deathwing Collectible Statue" and omgomgomgomg. If it wasn't freezing outside and in the middle of the night, I'm sure I would have rolled around on the ground in pure happiness.
Compared to the present I gave him, I feel like a failure of a girlfriend. ; w; He really did like it though, so I guess the price tag wasn't a big issue for him.

ANYWAY, if you'd like to see the statue, click here:…

Now all I need is the Lich King one, and my collection thus far will be complete. >:3 I need the collectibles to match the posters, amirite?
I can't wait until I have a job and can afford my fandom merchandise.

  • Listening to: WATAMOTE
  • Reading: Tutorials from miku-chan-love (again)
  • Drinking: Water
First of all, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays ! :3 I hope you all had good ones. c:
Second, thank you for being patient with me & giving me kind words when I was going through the loss of a companion, I'm back now - and I feel much better :D She will stay in my heart always, even if my boyfriend and I don't stay together for forever (which I doubt, because who can give me up? pfft). 
I'm ready to get back to work~!

To start off the New Year, I stole something from my babe skuiid .

1: What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?
I graduated from High School, x3
2: Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept some of them; I think only two I did not. I won't make anymore, because I'll be starting college soon & uergh.
3: Did anyone close to you give birth?
4: Did anyone close to you die?
Unfortunately my boyfriends' family dog died, it tore me apart - but we're all better now.
5: What countries did you visit?
None, I'm a poor-ass student, wat.
6: What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
7: What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Graduation day, for obvious reasons.
The day I walked again after my car accident (actually, I was on crutches on Monday - and dancing in the choir perfomance on Friday. Lets just say that was a noble quest, but Saturday was a painful day.)
My 18th birthday, because I got to shoot a bow and arrow. ♥ 0♥
8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?
That's hard.. Graduating and Walking are neck and neck.
9: What was your biggest failure?
Excuse you, I'm perfect. -hair flip-

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?
In Oct. 2013 I was in a Car Accident, and in January I learned I have brain damage, among other stuff that'll follow me around forever, so I mean.. does that count?

11: What was the best thing you bought?
12: Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine, 'cause I'm glorious.
13: Whose behavior made you appalled?
My Dad's - but that not new xD
14: Where did most of your money go?
Games... but is that really surprising?
15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?
16: What song will always remind you of 2014?
Anaconda & Lean On Me, because thats the song they played at my senior prom (we were basic).

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
a I honest dunno.
b fatter, steriods are mean bro.
c poorer x10000000000
18: What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I didn't get into an accident & have my whole senior year of Highschool ripped away, but meh.
19: What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being on Crutches. (is this getting too depressing)

20: How did you spend Christmas
21: Did you fall in love in 2014?
Nope, fell in love in 2013. ♥
22: What was your favourite TV program?
House Hunters & Property Brothers //LEAVE ME ALONE
23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes, all the girlfriends of my dad. xD
24: What was the best book you read?
25: What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jirai via YT.
26: What did you want and get?
I got everything I asked for - which was four things roflmao.
27: What did you want and not get?
A million dollars.
28: What was your favorite film of this year?
29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
Yoga bands and oversized band teeshirts. xD
31: What kept you sane?
My boyfriend & games.
32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Chris Piiiiiiine, UGH LORDIE JESUS.
33: What issue stirred you the most?
34: Who did you miss?
35: Tell us a (some) valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.
I was always one for "Tomorrow", but after learning that tomorrow really isn't ever promised (the hard way, because I'm stubborn), I'm definitely one for Today. ♥
  • Watching: MI
  • Eating: Peanut Butter & Marshmallow Sandwhich.
  • Drinking: Malk.
Tagged by zee wonderful :icongrizzin: ♥ thankyouyoumademyday

1) Confess things that you are okay with confessing they may be funny or personal or sad or happy just some things.
2) This is an excuse to talk about yourself do it do it. 
3) Mention the person who tagged you I'm sure they're interested in what you have to say. 
4) Try confessing more than 3 things.
5) Tag your friends like, 2 friends. Maybe even three friends.

Answersss~ c:
- I was(am?) a ginorrrrmous Choir geek.
- I'm terrified of Tornado's. Whenever I hear the siren, I literally break down into a ball of sobs - unable to move.
- Eating Cool-Whip straight out of the container is a thing I do whenever I have the chance. don't judge me
- I'm ungodly sarcastic. I'm sorry to anyone I've ever offended. I try not to be with new people - but.. yaknoowwww
- Anytime I see anything I don't want to see, I interfere. Even if I'm not welcomed. Oh? you tied your dog to a pole outside while you're in Walmart when it's 100 degrees? I hope you don't mind that I put him in my air-conditioned car.
    Oh? You think no one saw you taking a picture of that girls ass while she was bent over? Hrmmm~ thank again.
I like to think of myself as Batman. I'm the hero they need, but not the one they want.
 Llama Emoji-03 (Sparkles) [V1] Llama Emoji 27 (Awesome) [V2] 

That's all. c:
I taaag


I don't have many close friends on dA, so I just chose people who I've talked to recently/talked to frequently before. c-c
  • Listening to: Game Grumps in the other tab.
  • Reading: Sewing Tutorials
  • Watching: Le Game grumps.
  • Drinking: Something that was in an Orange Juice container.
So I'm beyond jealous of some of these vidro/blender renders.
like, I can't get Blender's lights/camera to work,
and what even is a vidro.

I'm crying inside ; w;
  • Listening to: Luka Megurine ♥
  • Watching: Some sweet animations.