Emerald-Omen

You know what. Fuck it. Fuck everything. Let's have it out right now. So you all can know what an utter pathetic waste of space, atoms, air, and absolute existence I am!

I'm a 28 year old pathetic whelp of a man who lives with his fucking parents, because I've had major issues with holding down a job due to medical issues I've always had, and the mental state I've been in for the past five years. The job I have now? I HATE IT!!! It was a good job at first, but it has more than doubled in difficulty, while I barely get any extra pay, my shift isn't extended to accommodate, and despite being a 'Full Time' job, it's only about 30 hours a week. No fucking wonder I can't move out, I don't make enough money, and the money I do make, I'm bad with! And I can't get a better fucking job because there's nothing out there with good pay that I can do, because I didn't go to College. I barely graduated High School!!

My parents are hypocritical people that don't respect me, especially my mother. The ONE place it feels like I have any control over anything in my life is my room. My personal space, my safe place. And it's not even safe, because I come home half of the time to find my mother has fucked up half of my shit, nothing is where I leave it, so I can't find anything, and half of the time she's thrown things out that weren't trash!! And if I confront her about it, she tries to deflect, or validate it, or treat it as if it's no big deal! It feels like I'm a prisoner and not even my own space is mine!

I've lived for 28 years, and what do I have to show for it? NOTHING! I'm a fucking loser who lives in his parents house, even though he's a fully grown man! All of my friends are online, which is honestly a good thing because if they were in person, my parents would probably try and fuck that up too!

If it wasn't for the friends I have, I would honestly have NOTHING to live for! I hate every second I'm at my fucking job, but I can't leave it until I find another, because the good ol' US of A has the most fucked healthcare costs in the universe, not to mention other bills! And I can't get another job because there's fuck all out there that you can make a living out of! I'm in an endless circle of failure and it's only going deeper!

I would have been better off not being born. What the hell is the point, I've accomplished nothing in life as it is, except wasting away! I hate who I am, I hate my job, I hate my parents sometimes, I hate my mental state, I hate my health issues, I hate almost everything!

I don't know how much longer I can fucking do this. I am not okay anymore, and I can't fucking keep pretending I am!