Moving On

I don't know how I should start this...
I moved to Germany a long time ago. Because of this I lost most of my friends. I felt really bad in many ways. I couldn't speak to anyone and it was really hard to understand anything what people said to me. In fact I still don't understand most of it. In February of this year I got graphic tablett as a gift from my parents, who thought that I can draw well. But, honestly, I coudn't draw shit by that time and I wasn't really happy about this gift. Later I tried drawing something and then showed my drawings to some people. They liked it. And then I started to draw more. I started to enjoy it. I made more, because I liked it and I felt really good, that people liked it too. But my drawings were bad in the means of anatomy, compostion etc., so I started to learn more about it. I drew more and more and I've stopped looking at other artists works. Everytime after I made a new picture, I waited for people to look at it. Everytime I was expecting for my drawings to be somewhat epic, but failed. I felt bad with every failure I made. Looking at other works gave me a lot of heart aches. I couldn't sleep well. I was so jealous and felt so much hatred at the same time. But this didn't stopped me. With more drawings I was making, the more I thought about improving my art. I wanted to be like those good artists and I wanted to be better than them. I was possessed with the idea of becoming better artist and earn the fame. Being popular was one of my dreams for years.  I wished to be popular, I've tried to break all the walls standing on my way. I stopped doing most of the things I enjoyed. Because of making art I don't talk to my own family. I felt and I'm still feeling, that I can do better. I want to improve.

But now I have real problem. Because of this mess, I've stopped caring about my own real life. And now, it got me pretty badly. Let's just say, I'm russian and if I don't have a job or school in Germany, then the Government can simply send me back to Russia. The point? I have nothing left in Russia and that means, that if this happens, then I'll be stuck and I'll become homeless
I had an option to continue my univercity. The downside is, that I'll have to forget about drawing for a long time.
I also had an option of leaving the univercity and search for a job. I sent 30 applications for a job and I already have 24 applications denied. The only option I have (but it's also something beyond luck) is to get a part-time job with the low payment.
Now you may ask, "but what about your parents?" Well, they said, that they won't support me anymore, if I'll leave the univercity, because they think that drawing is something really silly to focus your life on.

And now, I made my decision. I'll leave the univercity. I can't have a lot of help. I don't have a lot of friends. I'm doing this for the thing, I believe in. I'll continue drawing and I won't stop doing it.
I'm the hot-headed jerk and I'll give it a shot, no matter how bad this will go.

The best thing you can do for me, is to stay awesome! Thank you for your support!