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:iconelsevilla:elsevilla posted a status
I was in art despair for the last two days, couldnt draw, everything sucked, felt trash, and i just realized that art emotions are different from life emotions, i was having a nice day with family surrounded and hugged by close people, but art doesnt follow the same agenda, its like you have two persons inside you, heyy no porn dirty people!!! What i mean is that no matter what you do, you will have great days in art and rainy days, it happens to all of us, just be patience and wait, it cannot rain for ever . 

Devious Comments

Azurewhitewind Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
So true, and I can relate. :>
RainbowTblt Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2016  Student Digital Artist
You are my inspiration else.  You are not trash!  You give people like me reasons to keep trying and fighting to learn, even when time and the odds are against us.    I really hope things are better now.  We need you here!
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
:) i needed this.
Rose-Kira-chan Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2016  Student General Artist
Totally feels that way from time to time (sometimes more often than other times), it's helpful to know everyone goes through these creative struggles. 
RaenZero Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Yessir!  Sometimes you say "I'm going to ART today!" and ART says "Oh no you won't!".  It'll come around!  Hug 
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
hahahhah yeah.
Kipporah Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I didn't know. I haven't been drawing for a while. >.<
Khasdannyanlord Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
hahahahahahahahaha and more hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

sorry for my elocuence.... but yeah i laughs myself when im on this...
Forestarts0790 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi, hope u managed to create great art
Gingler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you so much for sharing these feeling, sometimes when you feel like this, you think to yourself am i the only one feeling like this?(no its not because you feel like a special snowflake) because usually you dont see other artists commenting about it, so seeing someone as creative and good at art having these problems...makes me feel like im not alone
aaah maybe i sidetracked but thank you this really helps ;v;
Cestarian Featured By Owner Edited Jun 24, 2016   Digital Artist
Definitely true. I've had mostly shit days in art all the few days I actually did draw over the past 2 years...

But they were just bumps in the road, I just kept trying... and trying... and trying... and trying, and now I'm like almost somewhere, like not really, but I'm getting close :nod: (the next time I draw one of them skulls I've been doing, or the next time after that it's gonna look amazing! because I know the what I have to improve, I know the why I have to improve it, I know the how to improve it, and I know what will happen after I improve in it (probably because I'm like 80-90% of the way there :la:))

That said, whlie it is true that bad days are just bad days, and sometimes it's just like there's this storm cloud over you, there's a reason it's there, and that reason is also why you can't seem to shake it. Now if you're a low level noob like me, just the act of drawing once a day is enough to make me feel pretty good about myself, I mean I may fail at drawing something cool but at least I tried, that's nice. "I'll try again and do better tomorrow :dummy:" is what I think when I'm not happy (I admit I was like you even at my  low level, not like now, I used to be devastated over how fucking awful every single line I made looked; how everything I had tried to draw looked like absolute trash (and unlike your work, mine actually did look like absolute trash, I've seen 8 year olds do better!) but I decided that I would never manage to progress if I let myself think that way... so I changed, and your own words actually helped me in that final push in making that change, that "you draw for the fun of drawing, enjoy the process not the result" I think you should choke on those words a little right now ;) (Wink) your words, not mine.)

But for me right now I'm completely focused on finding the right way, I draw something, I see a result, do I like it? No.

Then I did something wrong in the drawing process.... So before I pick up that pen again, I find "what did I do wrong?" and if I can't, if it's something elusive, then... "how could I draw this differently"... 

And if I find out what the immediate biggest problem is, I will just make the snap decision "ok, I'm gonna work on fixing that right now" and I just do that by any means necessary.

If I do not see what exactly the problem is, if it's hard to find, I just try to do something, anything really differently...

Let me give an actual example here.

So I was drawing these skulls...…

Which is all fine and dandy, let me tell you the story behind each one though.

  1. One night in bed thinking about how the f*ck I could understand "form" in drawing, and this idea hit me that I had to be able to represent "in front" and "behind" in another way than just "bigger" and "smaller" (not just the perspective way, another way...) and I tried picturing an object with one part closer and another receding behind... And I noticed that the part that was closer was brighter and the part that was further behind was darker, now this is actually one way to do this (in a way) but this sparked an idea that I cannot properly represent form or perspective the way I want to unless I draw the light and shadows. So here I got, decided to try painting from the mental perspective that I was only painting lights and shadows, so I drew this silhouette of an almost skull real quick, drew midtones all over it, then started applying lights and shadows here and there, it was just a proof of concept, it took me like 5-10 minutes, but it worked, awesome. So I went back to bed excited to try to do better the next day. (Next day was actually a complete failure, be prepared to bleed a little from the eyes if you look at this)…

  2. I managed to replicate what I did the first time, sorta. I did it in a slightly different way, but not very much. So I drew it and I thought "huh, this looks way better than anything I've ever drawn!" and then... "Was it just a fluke? Can I really draw this well or did I just get lucky once?"

  3. I tried to replicate the process in which I drew the red second skull, and found that I was pretty successful. Although I did make a few mistakes, and it didn't look as good as the red skull... I didn't really know why, but at the time I thought "Ok, so I gotta work on my rendering techniques, I gotta be able to draw it more cleanly, more detailed"

  4. Trying to push my existing process further, I drew slightly bigger this time and the basic idea was to detail it as much as I could, try to do it as well as I possibly could, and also draw some teeth. While it was certainly better than my former ones, something was still off, "the hard edges I'm not getting the hard edges right" I think, and "the highlights, they look wrong, they're too saturated, and probably not bright enough... actually the whole thing looks too saturated". Then I also asked on the DA forums on how I could improve this, someone said my anatomy was like way off, and another suggessted I'd get a reference to look at while I drew.

  5. So, I got that reference, noticed that the cheekbones protruded way too much, and that the cranium behind the cheekbones should also be visible. I also noticed that the jaw shape was off, so I took note of all these, but before I started I was thinking about how to improve my renderings, I didn't want everything to look so washed out again, I didn't want the highlights to look so close to the midtones in value and saturation, and so just to have something to go by I looked at some references, I looked at some works from bcnyart and from you, and I put them in my painting program, and I just color picked areas of interest to me to see what was going on, so I noticed that throughout the past images I had used only the same saturation level across the skull, but you guys were using varied levels of saturation in various places. I was keeping my values between 20% and 80%~ish, you guys were using the full spectrum, sometimes going to complete white and sometimes going to complete black (or very very close), much greater contrasts. Also remembering how much I hate how bad I am at hard edges, decided to do my best and try to see if I couldn't do something about that. So I drew the red 5th skull. Some things like the anatomy were hits compared to former ones, the shading was a bit of a hit too, but these hard edges, I completely blew them again.

  6. Now by this point, I was noticing that my renderings weren't quite going the way I planned them (maybe the problem was that I wasn't planning them at all really) and I just didn't know what I could do to fix that, how do I improve my hard edges? how do I control these damned edges man? How can I make all this stuff more believable? And well... I didn't really know "I just don't know man... I don't know what I'm doing wrong" I decided that the problem might lie in my process or my brushes. And just went around the net and looked for a guide on rendering digital paintings, found one at and what do you know, he's rendering a skull. Also looked at this video by Jesus Conde where he drew some mechanical skull, and I thought "ok their shit looks much better, what am I doing now that I could do differently in a way more similar to them?" and well, I didn't hold back anything, up till now my rendering process had looked pretty much like this:…
    But for this image I decided to really try to change my workflow, my process, flip it all around, do it as different as I can. And I don't remember the exact thoughts behind it... But this is what I did.…
    A complete turnaround in my approach to drawing these things. I was noticably bad with this approach too, but when it was finished, and I looked at it I thought "Wow, this looks so much way better than all the others" (I also used a reference to improve the jaw and cheekbone btw), and I notice that I got very many edges, hard and soft right. I also got many wrong, but basically I am now convinced that if I just keep trying to draw with this approach, I will get closer to where I want to be rendering wise. And if not, then I will try something different again.
Now what was the point of all this? Every skull I drew, I was unhappy about something, and the next skull I drew always revolved around trying to solve that something, that problem, that itch, that one annoying thing that was bugging the living shit out of me. The difference here is that you say "everything I draw looks like shit" while I say "some parts of what I draw look right, but some parts look wrong, and I am going to fix those things next time". And well, then I try to find ways to fix it.

For this 6th blue skull, I thought the rendering was like almost good, it was at this level where I basically just have to do it a couple more times and get used to it before I can reliably do it right... But my biggest problem is now definitely lighting, for all of these I have just vaguely thought "ok light source somewhere around here" and then rather than actually drawing the skulls with lights and shadows based on the light source, I just drew them in the way that was the most convenient for me, notice how all the skulls have a higlight on top of the cranium... and how none of them has direct light in the eye socket, this lighting is impossible, if the light is in front of the skull so that the front of the skull is lit, and slightly above so that there's a highlight on the top of the cranium, then there is bound to be light at the bottom of the eye socket, bottom of the inside of the nose... And there'd be a shadow on the bottom row of teeth (or they'd at least be darker than the upper row) and the shadows and lights on the sides of the cranium and cheekbone would behave a lot differently...

And that's just a small portion of the things I've manged to figure out since I drew that blue skull 2 days ago. I decided to iron out my understanding of light, to just write down everything I know about light and how it should be drawn into a block of text and trying to set it up in a tutorial form so that it may be of help to someone else. You can look here (and please if you have any advice, I'm all ears!)

I'm not drawing, but I'm thinking, and thinking very hard about how to draw, and after writing that I seem to know a lot more about how light would behave, I am easily able to picture objects in my head and light them in ways that feel correct, that seem like they're accurate. I couldn't do this before. I couldn't differentiate concave and convex forms properly, I couldn't do it this morning, I couldn't even do it before I wrote that, but while I was writing that, at osme point I stood up, went to my kitchen, picked up a bowl, put it under light and saw how it behaved. It boggled my mind a little, I saw it "but why???" and I sat on it for a while, then like 3 hours later my subconsciousness just conjured up the answer "Oh right! so the light is rounded towards the shadow, and shadow away from the light because the light is shining over the edge! and when the light is not shining over the edge it is the opposite!"

Sure, all this thinking slows down the rate at which I draw, I don't draw as much because I can't be drawing while I'm thinking so hard... But in the end, thinking about it in circles for hours, days, sometimes even weeks, until I have this moment where "IT ALL FINALLY MAKES SENSE!" will result in good changes for me, the quality of my work improves in the aspect that I was thinking so hard about, I mean literally today and yesterday I've been using every single opportunity when I remember it and I'm looking at an object and I have the free mental power to do it, I look at the lights and shadows, and I think "so this is lit this way, why is it lit this way? Why does light go here? why doesn't it go there?" I've stared at the same objects for many many minutes at a time getting nowhere nearer... But well, it all eventually had to click (to be fair though while I didn't draw skulls, I did try to draw some relatively random forms though to ponder my rendering technique nad if I could draw the forms I envisioned) which I am going to get back to now.

Basically the point to all this: There's a reason you are unhappy with your drawings, find it, and fix it, and you will be happy with it again for a while, then in a few days you'll be unhappy with something else, repeat it until it becomes an endless  cycle of improvement :meow:
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Welcome to my daily life.
Cestarian Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016   Digital Artist
Why thanks! and... :saddummy: it's really hard bro. I think I understand now why you hate your drawings so much. Really Sad I know the feel bro, I've just been lucky over the past few days that all the problems I encountered were ones that I could really easily fix if I just tried hard enough, but one of these days I'm bound to run into one of the harder ones, life always finds some problem to throw at you that you just can't for the life of you solve even if you spend years trying.
Llama Emoji-08 (Crying) [V1] 
I'll learn from your misery and do my best to not hate my own work in the future senpai :(
Elfios Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have three person's inside me. One wants to spend time with people, 2nd wants to draw traditionally and 3rd digitally. Sometimes it's total war there and i end up all alone no drawing no spending time with people. All of them can have their own feelings.
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Yeah and i can bet, one of them is older, and one of them is starting to walk.
ItsNatuOfficial Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Student General Artist
MelodyQ Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Good luck :)
Bweeka Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Student Digital Artist
I love this! The way you've worded it. It all makes sense. Totally agree.
Ahumanstory Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Art is a living and breathing individual that has ups and downs. You care for it, raise it and it become part of you. So you accept everything that comes with it. You words are honest and you share you thoughts with everyone, about the creative process. May this words be heard wide and getting attention.
Talexior Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Well said. I hope you get your groove back soon, until then don't push yourself too hard. Best wishes!
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