Uh Fack, part1: Improving, angst and frustration.

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rogress. A thing we all want, right? Some more than others perhaps, but I think I can safely say that it's the one thing all artists want; to be a better artist.

In the past few years I've been struggling with this topic a lot. I ran into one of those phases in which I learned a lot of what I was doing wrong, but didn't manage to work on any solutions for these problems. I felt like going backwards, and I grew increasingly frustrated with my own art. I'm progressing, but hardly as much as I aspire to - while I do spend most of my waking hours drawing.
Sure, a bunch of my comic work allows me to study and practice - but it's a very narrow and same-y kind of study- and there isn't really room for mistakes or experiment because of time constrains.

So, this is what I found to be a super effective 4 steps plan to become an unhappy and frustrated artist:

1. Be a perfectionist. Preferably with high ambitions. (actually, just step 1 would get you a long way with becoming frustrated.)
   
2. Start a monster project, or take on a huge job, and work your ass off. Expect to get better at it.
   
3. Learn just enough new things to reveal all the terrible mistakes you are - and have been - making.
   
4. Don't allow yourself time to study these mistakes and look for solutions (since you need all your time to work on your monster project/huge job/...)
   

If you mastered these steps, and/or found an other way for yourself to get to the same result: Huzzah! You get to be in my club. Here's your name badge.
Of course, the club isn't just about agreeing how terrible frustrating art can be, and how anxious it can make us. If you're still reading, you already know that. What we want to know is, how are we going to fix it? And how can we deal with all these feels, or perhaps even channel them in a way that they work for us rather than against us.

Before you get too giddy, I don't have a magic fix or a shortcut, nor do I have all the answers. What I do have, is my own struggles and my efforts to overcome them, and a willingness to open the book and share my experiences.

Recognize any of these?

• I want to improve, but there's so many aspects of my art that need my attention. I don't know where to start.
  
• I'm dedicating a lot of my hours to art but my results don't meet my expectations. (Sure, my expectations might be high, but I like to believe it's what pushes me forward.)
  
• The people around me improve much faster/more effectively, seemingly with the same amount - or less - effort.
  
• Comparing myself to other artists makes me determined to my cause (improve) at first - but soon my resolve ... resolves, and depending on the day frustration, disappointment, anxiousness or depression follows it.
  
• My own lack of confidence makes it difficult/uncomfortable for me to show my work.
  
• I have a hard time accepting compliments, and I've developed a talent for devaluing them for myself.
  
• On the worst days, all the feels are so paralyzing that I can't draw at all.
  
• I still keep throwing in the hours no matter how futile it seems to me at times, because deep down I still love making art (and above all I'm to stubborn to quit).
  

All of the above is true for me.
Now, don't start feeling sorry for me, that's not the point of this - pity isn't constructive, and I don't feel sorry for myself either. I'm writing these things down so you know what I'm trying to combat, and because I believe a lot of artists are going trough similar struggles. If sharing my experiences helps even one unhappy artist to feel less alone, It was worth my time.

I wasn't always this anxious and unhappy about art. A little insecure, sure. But which artists isn't. Nothing to worry about, you'd think.
But that insecurity grew into a paralyzing fear and suffocating weight that holds me back now, when in the last few years a number of (non-art related) unhappy things happened in my life. And with the misery that my family has been trough in the past months after losing my sister, I felt that it was getting out of control for me. More than ever I need my art to be a source of energy and happiness, not a drain on these two things. Things have to change. And I believe it's possible. For me. For anyone.

Next parts:
Uh Fack, part 1.5 : Some thoughts on perfectionA
nxiousness, frustration and the likes have been effecting me as an artist, holding me back in my pursuit of progress and happiness. I've noticed two things about that: Taking the time to dissect the problem helps me to find the right answers, And I'm all but alone in dealing with these problems.
For me there's two types of challenges in becoming a better artist: the mental blockades, and the actual practicing. The 2nd challenge is the one that is being addressed aplenty in the form of an seemingly infinite numbers of tutorials, live streams, demo's and what not. But if you find yourself struggling with the first challenge there isn't quite as much to work with. Plenty funny, recognizable and sometimes even consoling memes and comics about the topic have been made, but usually they offer little solution. That's why I've decided to focus on the first challenge for now.
(UNACHIEVABLE) PERFECTION.
Part of the condition of being an artist is the yearning for perfection, e