Spent another hour on DA, it profoundly wants me to quite drawing at all. I mean I began to draw only with 30, so quite late and I think now with 48 I am more or less as good as I ever will be. Looking through DA I see ANY painting I might want to paint is already done and done much better than I can ever do, by far. It all feels so pointless. Drawing is one of the few remaining things to make me happy in my life. But looking out of my personal space, I see like what a horrible hopeless being I am in that regard, just as in any other. I wonder why the Muses even gave me this strong desire to draw, other than for a mockery and make fun of my useless trash.