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               EXT. DESERT-DAY

               Title: PROLOGUE

               Camera goes into focus on Xavier wandering in the vast desert
               carrying a book.

                                   XAVIER (V.O.)
                         If one only knew the effects that
                         come from a subtle action. The
                         implementation which can never be
                         undone. No one would even dare to
                         confront it.

               Xavier's foot prints are engraved in the sand as he goes over
               the sand.

                                   XAVIER (V.O.)
                         In my hands I carry the sins of a

               Xavier squats. Sand is blowing on his face.

                                   XAVIER (V.O.)
                         And now I am left to cleanse his

               He flips through the book. Looking for a particular page. He
               gazes at it and tears it. He positions the paper towards the

                                   XAVIER (V.O.)
                         You left me here blind. With out a
                         guild to lead me to you. Wandering
                         with out direction. Never to walk
                         towards the east again.

               He extends his arms vertical and gazes towards the sun.

               He continues his walk.

               WIDE SHOT of Xavier walking. Heat vapors create a blur.

               He comes upon a bare branch that seems to be a part of  a
               tree that is submerged in the sand.

                         He ripped you of your fruit.

               He caress the branches.

                         One day it will rain again.

               Xavier lays down and leans on the branch. There is a small
               shade that covers his body.

               TIME LAPSE we see the shadows of the clouds overlapping the

               He stands up. CLOSE UP of his face. Focus on his chapped

               He takes a few steps and stumbles on his own foot and falls
               on the sand.

               CLOSE UP of a Dark Beetle walking on the sand and leaving a

                         I am not as weak as you think I am.

               Xavier uses the book as leverage to pull himself up.

                                                                CUT TO:

               EXT. DESERT DUNES-DAY

               Camera reveals only footprints.

               Xavier walks into frame.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         Where are you?

               CLOSE UP of EYES which are dried out and covered with sand.

               Xavier clears his eyes.

               Xavier takes out a black silk handkerchief and blindfolds

               Xavier walks aimlessly for what appears to be hours.

               Xavier kneels on the sand.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         May the earth not shallow me. I beg
                         of you God. Don't allow the burdens
                         of another man consume me.

               He does the sign of the cross.

               In a quick reflex from the heated book, Xavier throws the
               book. Smoke comes out of his hands and from the book.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         Ahhh! Damn it!

               He buries the book in the sand.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK:

               EXT. DESERT-DAY

               Xavier is sleeping.

               A gust of wind unravels the book.

               TIME LAPSE of sun and moon raising and setting numerous

               EXT. DESERT-NIGHT

               Xavier wakes up in a panic. He stumbles and reaches out as if
               he were blind.

               There is complete and utter silence.

               CLOSE UP of his mouth gasping for air.

                                                                CUT TO:


               XAVIER comes across a section of the desert that appears to
               be a cross between Night and Day. The framing of the camera
               reveals the landscape half in day light and half in midnight.

               XAVIER is in the Day section of the desert.

               POV of seeing the other half of the desert in complete

               XAVIER walks towards the intersection where night and day
               seem to entwine.

               XAVIER extends his arms and his hands are inches away from

               WIDE SHOT of XAVIERS shadow in silhouette.

               XAVIER tries to angle his shadow to go towards the "NIGHT".

               XAVIER begins to hysterically laugh.

                         Don't be afraid guey! Fight it a!
                         jajaja! Go for it! Pinche guey.
                         Don't back down on me.

               XAVIER chases his shadow.

                         Don't punk out on me now!

               XAVIER manages to angle his body so that his shadow slowly
               emerges with the "NIGHT".

                                                         FADE TO BLACK:

               FADE IN:

               EXT. DESERT-NIGHT

               XAVIER takes off his blindfold.

               POV on the over side XAVIER can see THE DAY DESERT.

               XAVIER squats and lights his zippo.

               He opens the book and scrambles through the pages.

                         It's here some where.

               The flames flicker with the wind.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         Where is it....its here. I know it.

               He mumbles dialogue from the book.

               In frustration he throws the book across the "other side"
               towards THE DAY DESERT.

               FADE TO WHITE:

               There is an intense brightness.

               Xavier covers his eyes.


               He opens his eyes.

               In a distance he can see a mirage of what appears to be a
               small town.

                                                                CUT TO:

               EXT. SUBMERGED CITY-DAY

               A small town that is submerged 1/3 in sand.

               It is completely abandoned.

                         Oh God.

               Xavier does the sign of the cross.

               He walks towards the town.

               Xavier opens the book and begins to tare pages from the book.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         Son of a bitch!

               He kicks the book.

                         Not a single word. Not one, will I
                         let you mutter again. I swear to

               He falls to his knees and weeps.

               EXT. OLD SHACK-DAY

               There is a broken window.

               Xavier climbs inside.

               INT. OLD SHACK-DAY

               There is an barrel full of clear water.

               He gazes at his reflection.

               He swirls his finger in the barrel.

                         Inez. Why. Why did you have to open

               He washes is face.

               CLOSE UP of his face. The water mix with tears pouring down
               in slow motion.

               He drinks water out of his hands.

               He sits down and leans on the wall.

               Xavier dozes in and out of consciences.

               Pages from the book start flying inside the window. Hundreds
               of empty pages blow inside.

               Xavier stares out the window.

               He takes out a small cigar and lights it.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         That is the way destiny wanted it.

               He crawls out of the window.

               EXT. SUBMERGED CITY-DAY

               On the sand is a puddle of black ink.

               He flicks his cigar on the puddle.

               Xavier walks on the middle of the town.

               360 camera angle on Xavier.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         I'm waiting.

               POV Xavier sees the book.

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         Better to be alone than in bad

               Xavier back is towards the camera.

               A silhouette of a man enters into frame.

               A shadow overlaps Xavier.

               Xavier takes out a picture of Inez.

               He gazes at it for a second and throws it away.

                                   BROWN (SUBTITLE)
                         Are you looking for me?

               FADE TO WHITE:

               EXT. DESERT-DAY

               SLOW MOTION Xavier falls back.

               Freeze frame of him midway.

               He is suspended in midair.

               360 camera rotation.

               He falls on the sand.

               His body slowly submerges in the sand.

               TIME LAPSE the sand is blowing on his body until he is
               completely covered in the sand.

               He appears to look like a statue made of dry sand.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK:

               TITLE: ACTO I

               FADE IN:

               INT. BEDROOM-DAY

               XAVIER and INEZ are lying naked on the bed.

               The room is covered with about a dozen white candles.

               XAVIER moves to the edge of the bed.

               HE picks up an antique book off the floor.

               CLOSE UP ON BOOK

               XAVIER'S POV:

               The cover has an ancient MEZO Indigenous symbol.

               XAVIER flips through the pages.

               He reaches to get a small cigar and lights it with a candle.

               When Xavier opens the book there is a collage of distorted
               drawings, painted words, smudged typing, words in Spanish,
               pig latin, black and white photos, sepia photos, musical
               scores and a scraps of crosses, saints, virgins, and martyrs.

               In the middle of the book in bold red letters that, appear to
               be blood reads: "MY NAME IS BROWN".

               XAVIER stops at a random page and reads a poem that is in


               EXT. DESERT-TWILIGHT

               There is a frame of a front door in the middle of a desert.

               There is a BLACK WOMEN standing naked. BROWN is facing the

                                   BROWN (SUBTITLE) (V.O.)
                         When you exit that door,

               She walks through the door.

                                   BROWN (cont'd)
                         I will not remember your face.

               Brown is playing a Spanish guitar.

                                   BROWN (cont'd)
                         Nor the moments of passion we just

               BROWN and BLACK WOMAN making love on the sand.

                                   BROWN (cont'd)
                         The scent of your mouth is fading

               CLOSE UP on her mouth gasping.

                                   BROWN (cont'd)
                         I feel like crying

               EXTREME CLOSE UP of a cactus dripping nectar.

                                   BROWN (cont'd)
                         Because your picture is withering

               BACK TO SCENE

                                   BROWN (cont'd)
                         In the shadows of a scented candle.

               XAVIER takes a drag from his cigar.

               XAVIER closes the book.

               INEZ puts her arms around XAVIER'S waist.

               She gently kisses his back.

                         What are you reading?

                         A poem.

               She plays with his hair.

                         By whom?

                         Don't know. Its anonymous.

               He takes another drag.

                                                                CUT TO:

               INT. BATHROOM-NIGHT

               XAVIER is staring at himself in the mirror.

               CLOSE UP ON HIS EYES


                                   XAVIER (V.O.)
                         And that is how it began. This
                         longing to find this man.

               TITLE: THE MYTH OF BROWN

                                                                CUT TO:

               INT. STUDIO-DAY

               XAVIER is typing on an antique typewriter.

               There is a bottle of Tequila and a shot glass on the desk.

               An Altar of a woman lays on the corner of the room. It is
               surrounded by flowers, candles, fruits, incense, herbs, candy
               and a shot of Mezcal.

               HE takes a drag from his small cigar.

                         Pinche marde!

               HE pulls the paper out of the typewriter and rips it up!

                                   XAVIER (SUBTITLE)
                         Excuse me.

               He stares at the photo in the altar.

               XAVIER stands up and paces the floor.

               INEZ walks in.

                         Food is ready.


               She walks out.

               THE BOOK is revealed under the papers.

               XAVIER reaches to open it.

               INEZ walks in with a tray of food, fruit, and nectar juice.

               THEY sit down and begin to eat.

                         How's it coming along?


                         I was thinking we could go to
                         Veracruz, next week. You need a
                         break moreno.

                         Maybe in a few weeks. Alright?

                         Talked to Lusia today.

                         How's she doing?

                         Good. She mailed your present on
                         Tuesday. You should get it by

                         Hope it isn't one of her paintings.

               She gentle slaps his arm.

                         You never told me where you found
                         that book.

                         The old antique store on Flores.

                         I haven't had a chance to look at
                         it. Its hand made isn't it?

                         I believe so. Made out of hemp.

                         It isn't even a book per say is it?

                         Never seen anything like it. Its a
                         mans memoirs. A complete expression
                         of himself imprinted on this book.
                         I can't even begin to comprehend
                         how a person can be that blase and
                         honest with himself. Its incoherent
                         and nonlinear in every way. Every
                         single page I've touched, I felt
                         fragments of this man. Image if you
                         could detach yourself completely
                         and have no boundaries in your art.
                         It seems like every page is

                         How old is it?

                         Thirty, Forty years maybe. But the
                         content in the book seems ancient.

                         I glazed at it the other day. While
                         you were reading. It didn't make
                         sense at first but for some reason
                         the words appeared to be
                         calligraphy. Almost as if were
                         inkblots instead of words.

                         You saw that too?

                         Yes, I couldn't get my finger on
                         it. Then I remembered a conversion
                         I had with a professor about how
                         Asian calligraphy was a form of
                         inkblots. The drawings had
                         subliminal connotation.

                         That's not the half of it.

               He stands up and grabs the book.

                         I mean just look at this!

               Xavier opens the book and shuffles the pages.

                         Some of the most obscure paintings
                         I've seen. Musical notes that have
                         no order nor rhythm, fucked up
                         linguistics that don't come from
                         any country I know of, mathematical
                         equations, indigenous symbolism
                         from Mezo-America. Like if this cat
                         was actually there, bella.

                         You should show it to Professor


                         You can't expect to keep this to
                         yourself, Xavier.

                         I don't but for the time being, I
                         need to explore it more.

                         Remember that writer that wrote
                         about the Aztecs being descendents
                         from Atlantis. God, what was his
                         name...the one we saw at that

This is the 3rd Draft of the screenplay for a short film. In pre-production. Comments are welcome and needed.


THE MYTH OF BROWN is the story of a Xavier Lopez, a young writer with a haunting past who comes across a BOOK written by an anonymous writer. The BOOK contains a man’s haunting and disturbing memoirs of his journey in search of his “true self.” Xavier becomes obsessed with finding the author who only refers to himself as BROWN. As Xavier religiously re-reads the BOOK and continues his investigation, he begins to have distorted visions and lucid dreams until finally he explores a haunting self-realization.
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elgatonegro13 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004
First off, I would like to say thank you for taking the time for reading and critiquing my screenplay. Its been on Deviant over 6 months and your the first person to write a comment. So I show my deepest respect.
Well I've been acting professionally for over 10 years now (started off in the theatre/ then into video/film) and have been exposed to hundreds of plays and screenplays over my brief period in the art. I think you might have screenwriting confused with playwriting has far as dialogue and stage direction is concerned. People tend to forget that film/video is an visual art. Minimal dialogue is the norm. To convey (good dialogue) the character must translate it through physical action. It cant be expressed in 3-5 page monologues. In film the audience "should" relate the actors actions more than his words. Its a problem I had in the begining of writing screenplays; a habit from theatre. As far as your comment about stage/camera direction I think I kept it at below the minimal, compared to other screenplays I've read ( even the ones that have been produced, here is a website with hundreds of screenplays you can read yourself. [link])
My techique for writings roles for screenplays? Well the roles we write are a reflection of "US" there part of our subconscience, different perspectives of each of us. By your comments I can asume you are a METHOD writer. One who psycho analyzes everything ( which in my personal view, hinders the creative process. ) " Write Drunk. Revise Sober"
The one thing I do agree with you 100% is on the issue of the flow of the screenplay. After attending a screenwriters semiar and having industry professionals read it, they all pointed out that there was no rhythm to the piece. Something is indeed wrong with the pace of the script. Now on the subject of character development and structure. As far as character development it was abit difficult to convey, considering the this is a short film (15 min.) Again, I wanted to concentrate on the Joaquin's action/reactions has he begins to get oppessed with finding " Brown " which was really a methaphor for finding himself. Now I can understand how the structure of the piece could confuse a few people. I should have made it clear that this screenplay is a prologue for a bigger story/screenplay. The reason I choice to end it the way it did, was because I want to submit it film festivals; under the assumption that it would make the crowd hungry for resolution, which would help raise money for the full production. It was a decision made out of not having the finical resources not to tease and play mind games with the audience. Its a fund raising method.
I'm very aware of the 3 act structure. Its the first thing you learn in theatre. Have studied dozens of books, attended writing semiars, produced/wrote/directed a few commericals/short films. I have the highest respect for my craft/art. It has been difficult for me to write/produce this piece. Considering the subject matter, plot, theme and premise of the screenplay (a surreal/philosophical drama.) " The Myth of Brown" is about man detachment from the methaphysical, from the unknown. Joaquin is just reintroduced to what lingers inside us all. When there are no more legends, myths, adventures...we have to create are own.
Now my advice for you is to take some acting classes. That way you will better understand the process of finding those other "voices" you have inside. You will be surpised at what you find out about yourself and others. Not everything can be learned from a book. Another thing, which took me awhile to do, is have actors read your screenplay. You need to have a living being translate your vision...screenwriters tend to be very bias about there words. Its a very insightful process.
Once again, I would like to thank you for your comments. Even if I disagree with most of them. I will take alot of consideration in my next revision. Gracias. Peace out loco.
Heattitude Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004
Ok, im goin to do this as nicely and as good as i possibly can, because i am focusing on a degree in creative writing and screenwriting. And because the basic plot of the story is too good to let it go to waste. So please forgive me if i offend you or if i seem rude in anyway.

First I'll start off with what I found pleasing and well done: Your actions were well written, at least for the most part.

Ok, now for what needs work.

First off, the key to a good screenplay is good dialoge and stage directions. That is all. Major camera directions and movements will be done by the Director and by the actors alone, not the writer, unless that writer happens to be the director/actor. Keep this in mind when you write the script.

Taking this into account, your dialoge leaves much to be desired. A lot of it is robotic, with very little realism. To put it simply, it sounds like it was written by you and not spoken by the characters. This is a very important factor when writing a screenplay or a story of any kind. Readers and Viewers loses interest in dialoge that sounds as if its forced upon the characters. Try to get into the mindset of each character, and write as if you are them. Do NOT write what YOU want them to say exactly, write what the characters WOULD be saying if they were real people.

Next comes the problem with the flow of the story. Much of it seems like a puzzle thats been forced together randomly, instead of being put together piece by piece in the proper manner. The audience will be lost after a certain point, and may have the idea to leave after a while, which is NOT good at all, ever. Theres little development in the story or the characters at all. It begins and ends in the middle of things with no resolution on any level. All good stories have a begining, middle, and end. Whether they are in that exact order is up to the writer/director, but they need to be there. You have tthe middle, and nothing more. Add more so the characters have some meaning to your audience, and so the story touches their hearts/minds or any other target you see fit.

Finally, learn the basic structure of a screenplay. Here's a link to one of many sites where you can learn the basic format to a screenplay. And you WILL need to learn this if you plan on succeeding. [link]

Hope some of this was helpful, and I hope to see this script do better justice to your idea.
ADDena Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004  Student General Artist
wow this is cool i want to see more! this would make a great movie!!
ADDena Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004  Student General Artist
is there more to it? or was that it?
ADDena Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004  Student General Artist
elgatonegro13 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004
there is more bella. Still working on it. first I want to produce it the way it is to help fundraise for a bigger budget to produce the full feature. Well keep you posted bella. :)
elgatonegro13 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004
its a screenplay bella. Its in the works of being produces soon. :)
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April 10, 2004
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