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Solo (Alone) by ElfceltRJL Solo (Alone) by ElfceltRJL
I have waited since January to post this since it is a deeply personal piece, and putting it up means talking about it. I am working on a zine that explores the concept more in depth, but ever since watching the Force Awakens for the first time, I identified strongly and painfully with Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, in that I had been a child controlled since birth by malignant forces that I could neither control nor explain (in Ben's case, Snoke; in my case, multiple mental illnesses). By using Snoke as a metaphor for the conditions that have done (and continue to do) me so much harm, I have been able to re-examine my childhood in a new light.

It says a lot that I always tended, and still tend, to side with the (queer-coded, more often than not) villains in popular culture. Maybe it's the “bad kid” still in me that desperately wants to see the good in the Kylo Rens of the world—because if he can get a redemption arc, that means one is possible for me.
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Submitted on
September 12
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